Welcome to the Fortune-Teller's Convention

Much like a bear emerging from his cave after a winter's hibernation, or the Ayatollah Khomeini returning to Iran in 1979 after years of exile, I have returned to IcebergCarwash (barely) in time to uphold one of this blog's most cherished traditions.

Yes, readers, it is time for...

The 4th Annual Iceberg Carwash Stock Market Contest.

The rules remain as simple as ever.

Using the comments section, tell us where you think the S&P 500 Index will be at the end of 2012.

To qualify for entry into the contest, your forecast must be received by no later than the market’s open on the first trading day of next year, 9:30 AM EST on Tuesday, January 3, 2012.

The contestant whose prediction comes closest to the actual closing level of the Index at year-end wins the contest.

I know that we've given out a prize to the contest's winner in the past, but we make no guarantees about doing so in the future.

For reference, the S&P 500 closed today at 1249.64. With two trading days remaining in the year, the market is down about 0.7% so far in 2011. In technical terms, we refer to that as "flat."

My prediction for the S&P 500 Index’s level at the end of 2012 is 1,350.00.

We’ll announce the winner of the 2011 contest sometime over this coming weekend.

There are so many fundamental factors to consider when projecting the market's direction in the coming year.

Will the European sovereign debt crisis be resolved?

Will the Euro remain intact?

Where will commodity prices go, and what impact would a rotation out of "hard assets" have on equity prices?

Has the U.S. housing market finally hit bottom? Will buyers make a dent in the enormous inventory of unsold homes?

Will the jobs market finally improve?

How will the presidential election, only a little more than 10 months away, affect the direction of U.S. stock prices?

Will the wheels come off (or will the lead paint peel off) the Chinese economic machine?

These, and other important potential issues, must be considered when attempting to predict where the market will be a year from now.

Alternatively, make sure that no one is standing too close to your dart board.

Cop-Out

Right now in Mishpacha magazine there is a dialogue in the INBOX on the topic of chessed. This was precipitated by  a feature called "words unspoken," in which those who feel they can not say what they would like to say to a specific person or group of people have a forum to do so anonymously and publicly ( as odd as that combination is)

The current topic is those people who feel put upon when they are called to make a meal for a family who has had a new baby or in some other way is in need of assistance in providing hot home cooked meals to a family. The main thrust of the first "words unspoken," was  a woman who is just barely keeping it together herself, hardly managing her kids and workload in and out of the house, and then BOOM! a call to help someone else. Based on what she writes there is ample room for her to actually do what she claims she just absolutely cannot, and her whole premise for upsetting the apple cart of this social construct that gives assistance to those who need it seems dubious)

Some of the responses mentioned much of what I would say,(just say no, it doesn't mean someone shouldn't call you, don't try to be so fancy, whatever you're serving your own family people would be happy to have, don't try to impress, just try to help) and some agreed whole- heartedly with the original piece, banding the "chessed begins at home" banner. One person wrote that smiling at people is also chessed just as teaching your own children to be nice to each other is a chessed.

Bah! That's what I say to that.

Those are very nice things, but a family tends to be a unit. So if all one's chessed is directed internally it is not the same  "giving" to another person. It does not teach you to get past yourself, and put others first. It does not help you to realize that you and yours are not the only people in the world. Why do these things matter? Because they paint your dealings in other aspects of your life. If other people are never the recipients of your kindness, and you keep that all within your home, then that's the outlook you will have to the whole world. Then you will be the one who is completely self focused while driving (why would  I pull in to this CIRCULAR driveway to drop off my passenger, when I want to quickly move on? I will make everyone on this busy road wait while I drop my passenger off in the MIDDLE of the street, MY time is very precious don't you know), in the supermarket, and in all your dealings in life.

That doesn't mean one needs to be constantly giving their time, cooking, or volunteering. It just means people should get over themselves and sometimes do things that are not so simple, or even easy for them. Sometimes it can even be something that doesn't seem like a chessed, but is because it's outside your immediate comfort zone.  Obviously, if one really can't keep it together at home, they should not be helping others in THAT way, but there are ways people can help that go beyond their own four walls.Plenty of organizations will be happy to have any help they can get, and telling people to feel bad about who they call is ridiculous. If we can't rely on people to help each other, and are made to feel guilty just for asking, then we are in worse shape than we thought.

If chessed begins at home, then do a chessed to your family and politely decline, and ask not to be called again for a while. Don't ruin it for the recipients of the help, and don't ruin it for the people asking, it's hard enough as it is, now they have to feel BAD every time they pick up the phone.

One of the letters quoted (I think) Rabbi Krohn:

"Chessed begins at home, but it doesn't end there."

I Fought the Law

Having done my civic duty (or attempted to), it was now time for me to be on the other side of the bench. No, not the judge, but as the scofflaw, "Speedy McSpeedspeed."

Before the sermons and the lectures about setting examples and the appellations of "lead foot," and so on, it's important to note that although the ticket was officially for 20 miles over the speed limit, it was in fact a true speed trap. There's a road, like many in New Jersey, that stretches from one town into and through the next, and on to even another. A true journeyman, or peddler, going from town to town with no place to call home. OK, maybe not, but certainly a stretch of asphalt that can and does change names as it wends its way through various municipalities. But names are not the only things that change midstride. Apparently speed limits too, and right smack in the middle of this long (and in parts winding) road. BAM! it was 35 mph, so it's easy to be doing a respectable, all cops look the other way 10 over the limit 45mph. No problem, until  that three or four BLOCK stretch where the speed is reduced to a paltry 25. TWENTY-FIVE? I understand wanting to maintain certain speed in the traffic, but it's smack in the middle of a pretty busy thorough fare and doesn't last all that long.  Certainly a speed trap.

Well, it trapped me. The real kick in the head is that I had been on such a high. It was one of the girls' birthdays, I was on my way back from a very positive follow up appointment for the boy, and I was in that neighborhood to buy INEXPENSIVE coffee.   I am the proud owner, as you may recall, of a wonderful Keurig coffee machine. Lately, the price of coffee has gone up  approximately 25% from the past few years, so a place that sells coffee for the original low price is worth a slight detour.

Unless you end up with a speeding ticket and fine of over two hundred dollars (pleaded down). I'm sure MBB will be happy to do the math and let me know exactly how much each box of coffee actually cost me that day. I think I'd rather not know.

I wish it would have been that day. Just pay the cop, and move on. But nooooo. I have to spend two plus hours going through a "process' that is designed to extort money from fearful, (mostly) law abiding citizens who are intimidated by the unfamiliar circumstances they find themselves in. Obviously, I am not referring to those there on assault charges, or multiple housing violations charges, or second or third timers driving with out a licences types. No I am referring to the good citizens of this fine country who are caught in speed traps, and shuffled from place to place  to agree to a "plea deal." This usually just means a way for the town to keep more of the money for themselves, and not share much of it with the state.

The part that rankles me the most is when the judge asks if you took the deal without coercion. Well, not really, everyone is in rush, and not really looking to explain anything to anyone. They were nice in the plea room, but definitely have the upper hand. There was no way I was getting an attorney for this, my apologies to all those attorneys who specialize in this type of law. I'm sure one of them could have helped me, but I did not wish to compund my guilt by hiring an attorney, though I may have saved an hour and a few bucks. It's doubtful an attorney would have saved from the comedy of errors that was my trip to the courthouse. First, I missed the ramp to get off one highway on to the next. Then I missed the first u-turn that would have allowed me to get back on track quickly. I found the second u-turn and made my way back to the spot of misdirection. At this point it was late, but I had time. Until I could.not.find.the courthouse. I went up and down that street, bumbling through no left turns, and no u-turn signs on driveways. I even tried to follow a cop to get directions, until FINALLY  I saw an old Italian guy standing on the sidewalk, and he told me how to go. Yay. I'd get there with two minutes to spare! Except I had to park in the auxilliary lot, and I was halfway to the building when I realized I had left my phone in the car. Not that I am so attached to the phone, but I left all the kids home, and I wanted them to reach me if they could. I finally made my way into the building went up to the window, and got my number. 42. I asked if they had started at number 1, and the woman responded yes, but then kindly added, "don't worry, it goes pretty fast."

I guess that depends on whether or not you really want to get home. It wasn't unpleasant, though I did learn that throwing a drink on someone, according to the girl I was sitting next to, is considered assault.

So I've tried to get on a jury, I've stood before a judge, now I'd like to be a prosecutor.

Maybe I should go to Law School.

Smile and Say Cheese

There's a new product on the market called The Bais Yaakov Cookbook. It looks interesting, with pages on bug checking, halachos in the kitchen, tips on buying meat and wine, and a history of the Bais Yaakov movement and Sara Schenirer. Oh, and recipes.

In the ad I saw over the weekend it proudly trumpeted that this was not just a history, but a pictorial history. The cookbook in the ad was open to a page where one could see pictures of buildings and some great Rabbonim illustrating the pages of the written historical account of the rise of Bais Yaakov.

Before I let myself get too worked up,I decided that a trip to the local bookstore was in order, and a quick flip through the pages of this book would either allay my fear or prove once and for all that our world had in fact gone mad.

I am pleased to report, that based on this one cookbook, there seem to be some contemplative human beings around. The book is filled with pictures of women and families from that era, as well as the Mother of Bais Yaakov herself.

It sounds silly, but as I have noted before, as the mother of so many future women, I am disheartened by the disappearing woman in our society. Especially when she is expected to carry the burden of supporting her home, OUTSIDE her home. The hypocrisy s mind boggling to me.

But today I am heartened. I'll take any little thing I can get.

The Book Was Way Better

Having kids at lots of different ages leads to the following conversation:

"Can we get a video for the little kids for Sunday, then we could study for our midterms in peace."

"Oh sure, for the "little kids""

"Oh yes! I really want to watch "Ballerina Fairy Princess Tra-La-La Pony!"

Conviction

Why is it that if someone has a conviction about something that goes against what is considered a societal norm, or custom,they are put into a position of needing to explain themselves.  Generally, there is an explanation, and it likely makes sense to the holder of said conviction, but then the one who notices tries to find reasons why that person is wrong.

If someone is running around pointing fingers and shouting about why they think what everyone is doing should or should not be done, then by all means, they deserve to be called upon their own actions. But if someone just does or doesn't do something within their family and people hear about it (and don't be disingenuous in the comments, people hear things, it comes up in conversation, and in no way am I saying that it needs to be kept secret) why do they need to prove that that person is wrong?
Is it because deep down they agree? Is it because it rankles them that someone can so easily NOT do what everyone does?

She Passed!!!

After a long, long road, and lots of crying, cringing, shouting and maneuvering, she got her license. She's off already. My stomach hurts, but I have to let her go.

The next one will get her permit next week.

Bad Company

While I stand by my previous post, with some additional thoughts in the comments, I am not too proud to say that I do not like the company I am in:

Occupy Wall Street-inspired protesters are eyeing a new target -- Target. And dozens of other companies.
A campaign under the name "Occupy Black Friday" is trying to enlist supporters to boycott just about every major retailer, and quite a few mid-sized ones, the day after Thanksgiving. The protesters are casting a wide net, urging people to demonstrate against the top 100 publicly traded retail stores -- a list that includes everything from Wal-Mart to Target to Dick's Sporting Goods to Dollar Tree.
"The idea is simple, hit the corporations that corrupt and control American politics where it hurts, their profits," the group's Facebook page reads, describing Black Friday as the "one day where the mega-corporations blatantly dictate our actions."

I don't like that retailers have taken a Holiday and made it about commerce, but I don't have a problem with large companies making money, or employing people and growing local economies.  I just wish they would take the day off for Thanksgiving. The whole day. It just makes life more real. And for many people who cannot afford to not have a job, it will show them that company cares about them just a little.

The "Occupiers," (Side note: MBB and I are waiting for a scandal in that group so that we can have two ubiquitous terms come together: OccupyGate!) just want to make a mess off everything. Like the NBA lockout, who gets hurt? Not the players, not the owners, but the arena workers, security, concessions, parking and souvenir vendors. It's always the little guy who is going to hurt most, and is on the front line. These Occupiers are hypocrites, they are taking food donations, and monetary donations out of the hands and mouths of the truly needy to  perpetuate their anarchist goals. Plus, the convenience and price reductions that the big box stores provide are a boon to the "99%." Though many are torn by the way some stores treat their employees, it's a lot easier to boycott fur and blood diamonds than it is to boycott a place where you can buy two ski caps and two pairs of mittens for a cute little guy for under $4. (NOT ON SALE!) Essentially, like all things in life it's complicated.

So let's keep Thanksgiving as Thanksgiving, and come Friday morning let the frenzy begin, if nothing else, it will be a good feeling knowing some of the people in the store aren't there to grab that twenty dollar DVD player out of your hands. They'll just tsk at you when you do.

Then it will Occupy a nice place in your den.

Greed

The trend this Thanksgiving to have stores either open on Thanksgiving Day, late in the evening, or late at night on Thursday night is very troubling. First, a day that was a real holiday in this country, a day when people really got together with family and friends, has become, like so many American holidays, all about shopping. It's not just about making money, the consumers are at fault as well. Yes, our economy needs the jump start, but will these few extra hours on Thanksgiving Day really make a difference in the month long run-up to Christmas? And then the After-Christmas sales?   What legacy are we creating when the focus of every holiday is to get through the holiday (read: family) stuff and move on to the selfish acquisition of material goods.

Why is it selfish? What if  really need a cheap coat? Well, that cheap coat could wait a few hours, and it's selfish because people have to come in  to work in the stores, that need to be open, because....I'm still not sure.  I asked a few employees today in two different "Big Box Stores" whether they could take the day off if they wanted to. The woman in Target told me "No, they won't approve any vacation days for Thursday at midnight through Friday." The temp at Walmart told me they need to work from 6pm until 6 am (I think the store opens at 9pm) on Thanksgiving, but that you could take off if you want to, but there is no overtime pay. I didn't ask the woman in Target if she would get overtime.  She said "They make it so that your life outside of work is less and less important."

This made me so sad. Aside from the employees needing to be in the store for it to open, they also need to sleep at some point, so effectively their Thanksgiving will be dictated by their work schedule. Say they normally have dinner at six, finish around eight or nine? Now? They need to start earlier so they can get a few zzz's before they are up working all night.

Somethings need to be sacred in this country, and some things need to go beyond the almighty dollar, but as soon as one retailer skips the line, they all have to copy that for fear of being left in the financial dust.  It's great to get a deal, but the deals can start at 8 am on Friday, and let people who work these jobs have a life.

I find this extremely troubling.

T'is the Season to Feel Pressure

I hate this time of year. I hate Black Friday, and Pre-Black Friday, and Pre-Pre Black Friday. It's too much pressure. Who has the best deal, when do they have the best deal, how early do you need to get it, what? you'd rather sleep than get this deal? Quite frankly? Yes. (honestly I'd rather sleep than do most things, but that may just be a function of  being a mother of an 18 month old who thinks he's a rooster, and teenagers who think they are bats).

It's almost like sitting on an airplane, no matter how much or how little you paid someone will tell you about the amazing deal they got.  A wise man once told me that the joy of money is not needing to always get the best deal, and I've tried to really internalize that.

So bring on the $2 crockpots and 3 cent towels, innundate me with $10 winter coats and tights for mere pennies. I will be strong. I may check online, but I certainly will not brave the crowds and fight the mobs to get my hands on items I don't really need.

I'll let my brother do that for me.

Occupy Inbox

Apparently grass roots efforts can work.  A few e-mails went out from a few shuls suggesting that people call or e-mail the Supervisor about the BEAR! problem. I am totally assuming that many people emailed or called, because we received the following email today (It also came as a phone call) (phone numbers have been edited out):

Over the past week a large black bear has been sighted in the...  areas of the town. We advise residents to do the following:

1)    If you see the bear, call the...  Police Department  or .... Animal Control Officer  immediately.  

DO NOT APPROACH THE BEAR

2)    The Department of Environmental Conservation (DEC) regulates the removal of Black Bears from all venues in New York State. During normal business hours 8:00 AM - 4:00 PM call the Wildlife Regional Office or during off-duty hours 4:00 PM - 8:00 AM call 1-877-457-5680 to report a sighting and/or an emergency situation (after calling the local Police).

3)    DEC officials will inspect areas...  where bear sightings have occurred on Wednesday, November 16, 2011. Our Animal Control Officer will lead the inspection tour.

4)    The...  Police Department is increasing Police presence in the areas where sightings have occurred, in particular during night time hours.

  

5)    Reminder: Please take down all birdfeeders and cover your garbage cans. These are the two major attractions for black bears.

Sincerely Yours,

 Supervisor

I guess the BEARS didn't put enough in their envelope.

No Lions or Tigers

Living in a suburban community has its advantages. But, it also has disadvantages, the main one right now is wildlife. The fact that we are innundated with  deer, have had a few coyotes roaming around in the past two years, and now an abundance of bears, is not a surprise.  When building continues unchecked, and wooded areas are leveled to make room for baseball teams, it is not too shocking that the animals will need a place to go.

Unfortunately, I and my neighbors don't want them here. The police have said "You live in the country, get used to it." (I should add allegedly, since I did not hear the statement myself) I hear stories daily of people who saw the bears, and a drive through certain neighborhoods will reveal garbage strewn lawns courtesy of our new residents, Ursus americanus.

 So I sent our fearless leader the following e-mail:

While understanding the difficult economic climate the Town is facing, not ridding a very populous area of BEARS is not a good way to be fiscally responsible. In fact, in an area that is so full of people, and people with small children, it would be terribly tragic if the Town had to get involved after someone got hurt or dragged off.  The BEARS are here, and are emboldened. One was one a stoop on (Redacted) Road last night. ON THE STOOP! How much closer should we allow them to encroach before we realize that we and our families are in danger? PLEASE,PLEASE, PLEASE do something about this.

As much as I wanted to, I resisted the urge to add the following:

Building them apartments will neither alleviate the problem, nor garner you new votes, so please find another way to keep us safe.

I doubt he can.

Who Came Up With This?

There's a recent trend in Orthodox clothing that's making me crazy. It started a few years ago, when double-sleeved clothing became fashionable. For those not in the know, double sleeve is a short sleeve shirt made with long sleeves coming out of it, usually in a contrasting color. These shirts are sold all over, and are very popular at Old Navy, Gap and Carter's.

 

GREAT! Now there is Carte Blanche to put a "shell' under any shirt we can find. It doesn't matter how long or short the sleeve, if we just stick this long or three quartered sleeve spandex or cotton shirt under anything we wear, we can wear anything! Heck, we can even wear a flesh colored shell with a spaghetti strap tank top, because once we are putting shells under things we would never wear, why stop at short sleeves. In fact, why stop at shirts at all! Skirt or dress to short? Stick another skirt under it! Or a shell dress! Forget that, just put a pair of pants under a short denim skirt during the week, and BAM! You may look Muslim, but no one can say you aren't tzinyus. Plus you get the added benefit of everyone thinking you went to the gym. That is definitely a part of how THIS pants trend started, but I think it was a domino effect. Shirts under shirts, skirts under skirts, pants under skirts. Once you can tweak to be according to proper guidelines, it's all about the letter of the law.

Hey, here's an idea: If it's too short? DON'T WEAR IT!!!!

Shame on All Of You

How could any of the people at Penn State look this former coach in the eye, knowing what he was and what he did. They have the pain of all these children, and all the children those children went on to abuse, on their hands.  There are no heroes here, and all those people who claim the greatness of "molders of men" and other approbations given football coaches have learned that they are mere cogs in an institutionalized money machine. Apparently, these are men whose moral values are in no way at a level that affords them  the pedestal they are placed on.

I cannot comprehend how anyone knowing what they knew just continued to allow this man access to children. I really don't understand why it wasn't reported to the police as opposed to a superior at work. No  job is worth the moral cesspool you place yourself in by allowing a predator to continue his actions. Telling him not to bring children on campus, just means if you don't see it, it's not your problem.

Perhaps now this country will not only see how much lip service is given to the protection of children, but also how vaccuous the most "moral" and "respected" public figures turn out to be. I know they are human and have flaws, no one can be perfect, or act correctly all the time. even those who continually work on their character traits will slip every so often. But there are some things that just cannot be allowed, not for money, reputation or  even football.

 And for any organization or individual that covers up abuse, and allows a predator to continue to destroy lives-know that you are as culpable as the predator in the destruction of these souls.

Disgusting

Stay or Go

Unfortunately, for a few neighborhoods in town the blackout continues. When we got power back we had friends without power stay over. They got their power back, so we called other people without power, feeling it would be silly to let beds lie empty. Especially since the effected houses are not just dark, but freezing cold.

A bunch of people said no. They'd rather not pack up, they'd rather stick it out at home. I really love to be home. However, I cannot imagine  that the discomfort of living in someone else's house for a few days is more than the discomfort of living in a house whose high temperature is 52 degrees ( and according to one friend as low as 42!). Soup and other hot foods only take you so far. Do you get more points at the end if getting through it was difficult? If someone offers a place to stay that's warm and well lit it does not make you less tough or less hearty a soul if you go. Especially if you know early on that it's a least a three day proposition.  We know a lot of people who went out of town to relatives, that's much more of a commitment then going to someone who lives a few minutes from your powerless house. If you forget anything, you just go get it.

To each his own, I guess.

31 Hours...

...and we're the lucky ones.  There are those who have no idea when the power will go back on, and who are being told it could take at least until mid week .The power came back at 2:40 this morning, the house was at a frosty 53. We kept warm with layers and  hot drinks.

October snow. Trees still lush after a fairly mild start to the fall results in the following after nine inches of snow fall:

The lack of light was not a problem, as per my DNA we have many many flashlights. It just got really cold. At one point we went outside, and suddenly inside provided some warmth at 56 degrees. The food was a non-issue, milk was packed outside in the snow, and the freezer in the garage kept things frozen solid. The gas stove was ignited with matches, and all sorts of comfort foods served up. With no computers and no Wii and no Casio  "we're bored" was a common refrain, one quickly countered by the mothers everywhere line "I'll give you something to do." Which  I did. So we got somethings organized, we kept things neat (I used the clever trick of telling the kids we didn't want to trip when the sun went down), had hot soup, coffee, cocoa, tea, played some games, had a kumzits, and eventually they couldn't take it anymore and  pulled out the lap top that had two hours of battery life left to watch an old high school concert video. How is it they can get through a three day yom tov three times in a row, but a power outtage makes them crazy?

 At about 8 last night, while it was still dark and frigid, we threw together an impromptu get together of the blacked- out, cold family members in the neighborhood.

The kitchen never seemed warmer.

Occupy Iceberg

Well, my acquaintances, I’m back.

Don’t get too excited, though.

I’m not here to post anything.

Rather, I’ve come to protest a glaring and lingering injustice.

You see, despite the fact that I comprise a full 50% of the management of this blog, I have contributed only about 1% of the posts within the past several months.

On college campuses all over this great nation, where opium is the religion of the masses, there’s a word for that.

INEQUALITY

I am the “other 1%,” or the “other 50%,” depending upon how you look at it, and I’m not pleased.

Now, rather than allow some ultra-conservative media outlet like Fox News to portray me as some kind of rabble-rouser with no real agenda, I will lay out my beliefs in a clear fashion:

• I believe in fairness.
• I believe in equality.
• I believe that things should be fair.
• I believe that things should be equal.
• I believe that things must change.
• I believe that things cannot stay the same.
• I will not tolerate the status quo.
• These conditions have persisted for too long.
• The only way we can bring about change is to state, unequivocally, our opposition to the current conditions.
• For the record, let me state that I am unequivocally opposed to the current conditions.
• Hey, are you going to finish that beer?
• I know that you want me to be silent, but I will not be silent.
• Only by voicing our opinions can we give voice to our opinions.
• In the absence of hope, there is no hope.
• The oppression must end.
• In order for the oppression to end, it must be exposed for the entire world to see.
• We will take to our iPhones and iPads to tell the world of our oppression and deprivation.
• Just as soon as I finish my $7 soy milk latte.
• Seriously, it’s terrible once it gets cold.
• No, lattes are not meant to be reheated. I’m a progressive, not a savage.
• I will not sleep until the blogosphere has become just.
• Or until sometime later this evening, whichever comes earlier.

You know what? I’ve changed my mind. I’m no longer interested in this cause. It bores me.

Furthermore, it has recently come to my attention that there are far more egregious examples of inequality out there than what I’ve witnessed on this blog.

While most of you like to think globally and act locally, I demand a larger stage.

I prefer to think galactically.

(Blogger’s Note: The bourgeois pigs and their repressive spell check tool do not seem to recognize the term “galactically.” That’s hardly surprising for those narrow-minded, gun-toting, right wing nut-jobs. Either way, their efforts at suppressing my progressive words and ideas have failed, once again. I simply clicked “ignore,” reflecting my attitude towards most of the rules of society and good hygiene).

The following table lists the eight planets in our solar system, arranged by their distance from the sun (closest-to-farthest away), showing their mass in both absolute and relative terms (with the Earth’s mass as the benchmark).

PlanetRelative Mass (Earth = 1.0)Mass (in yottagrams)% of Total Mass
Mercury 0.0553 330 0.0124%
Venus 0.8150 4,869 0.1825%
Earth 1.0000 5,974 0.2239%
Mars 0.1070 642 0.0241%
Jupiter 317.8300 1,898,600 71.1583%
Saturn 95.1590 568,460 21.3055%
Uranus 14.5360 86,832 3.2544%
Neptune 17.1470 102,430 3.8390%

Total 446.6493 2,668,136 100.0000%


As you can see, one planet, Jupiter, representing a mere 12.5% of the planets, has more than 70% of the aggregate mass.

This is inequality in its most breathtakingly obvious form.

We cannot remain silent about this situation any longer.

We must mobilize and motivate others to act.

Our objective is clear.


We must Occupy Jupiter.

What Are We Doing Today???

The question resounding in many Jewish homes this morning, as the children ignore the effects of the yom tov schedule, and fight their exhaustion to move on to the next stage of Succos. The Chol Hamoed trip.

We got a really late start today (company leaving, kids sleeping late, big breakfast...yes we served MORE). As I am unable to bring myself to actually venture out on a major trip after ten in the morning we did a more local, scenic trip where some of us had been before. The others missed it when they were in camp a few years ago (and one was not born yet). We just enjoyed the scenery, each other's company, and watching the boy give his mother a heart attack as he ran really close to the water really quickly.

I just love the first for the shadows and light and the second for the quaintness:

 

Best Wishes....

....To all our readers and followers, both the commenters and the lurkers, we appreciate you! We wish you all health, happiness, prosperity and peace in the coming year!

Back to School

I went to two "back to school nights" so far this week (the third is on Thursday). For those  uninformed, "back to school night" is the night you come to your kids classroom, squeeze into their teensy little desk, and meet the teacher  as s/he gives a short presentation of  the expectations and curriculum for the year.

School is a wonderous place.  A wellspring of growth and learning, if you open your mind you will most assuredly learn new things.

I have learned a lot in the past two nights.

I have learned that some kids (3rd grade)take cookies for lunch. Some kids never clean out their knapsacks, and some kids never have supplies, go to sleep on time,or bathe regularly.

But mostly I have learned that teachers have been trained to keep the parents as uninvolved as possible.   "DON'T WORRY! We do all research in school, you don't have to go to the library! If you can't sign the homework (all of ten seconds) don't worry, just sign it the next night, or let an older child do it! FEAR NOT! We won't give any assignments or work or responsibilties that will have you busy with YOUR children! We know that they and their schooling are nothing but a burden, and we will do our utmost to keep you out of it!" (I'm paraphrasing, but barely)

The most ridiculous element of this is there are those parents to whom this hands off policy  is a wonderful development!  (It seems so odd contrasted with the parents who need to hear "please do not do your daughters report/project/poster/cover/diorama for her."  likely the same parents who are still doing homework with their sixth graders. I know everyone is on a different level, but at that point in the schooling career, you just ask if they did, or check that it's done. I don't think it's appropriate to helicopter at that age, and SIT and do homework/reports with them.)

Do the parents who show up need to hear that "we won't ask you for much!"? There were  two women who left a wedding to come, and two women who were running a tzedaka party who came anyway. These seem like fairly involved parents, as are most of the parents who show up. Unfortunately, I think many of these policies are a direct result of years of complaints from parents who felt they and/or their children were overburdened by what is essentially the training round for life. My policy is always  to challenge children in a controlled environment because life can be challenging, so why not give them the skills and ability to cope in a fairly innocuous and safe environment.

I just rankle at this idea that they proudly tell us how little we need to do for our children.

It's Only Fair to Share

You know who you are.

We also know who you are.

Soon, the entire nation will know who you are.

You are the evil, manipulative, oppressor of the masses, he/she who dares to earn more than $250,000 per annum.

For too long, you have exploited your innocent brethren, taking advantage of rules that were slanted heavily in your favor.

You reveled in your privileged upbringing, as you trod upon those less fortunate.

You stopped at nothing in your pursuit of money, and did not exhibit the appropriate level of concern for our Planet.

You caused the Global Recession.

You destroyed the housing market.

You brought the international banking system to the brink of ruin.

In your company, the Greeks were compelled to act frivolously. As were the Italians. And the Irish. And the Spanish. (Perhaps even the French. Check back with us in a couple of months).

You convinced your colleagues to buy things they could not afford, and to accept upon themselves the burden of more debt than they could handle.

You threw millions of your peers out of work.

Worst of all, until this point, you have brazenly refused to pay your fair share.

Laugh not, wealthy wanton sinner.

Your day of reckoning has arrived.

As a non-threatening, non-denominational deity or otherwise impartial being possessing above-average levels of spirituality is our witness, your fair share will, in fact, be paid.

We will seek you out, and bring you to justice.

Do not attempt to resist us, for we cannot be resisted.

Our mandate is clear and our cause is righteous, as it has been established by the Great Post-racial and Post-economic One. The wisest and most eloquent of all men. He Who Has Invented Hope.

You shall be branded as pariahs, and heaped with scorn.

You shall be branded as "millionaires and billionaires," even if your income is a fraction of those lofty levels.

You will be branded as "system riggers" and "playing field de-levelers."

You shall be made to pay your fair share.

Unworthy beings, do not waste your time attempting to repent for your unforgivable sin.

There will be no repentance. Only justice. Only the payment of the Fair Share.

For it is only when the Fair Share is paid, that we can truly bask in the benevolent light of Hope, and taste the sweet nectar of equality.

You know who you are.

And soon, you will pay your fair share.


Blogger's Note: If you currently earn more than $250,000 per year, but belong to the management of a labor union, or are numbered among the ranks of left-leaning academia or media, please disregard the above message. IcebergCarwash sincerely apologizes for any distress the above message might have caused you or any of your non-human companions.

I've Had It

I'm pretty sure I've talked about this before, but I'm getting more and more upset by what I see as the fakery parading as frumkeit.

Every week when I read Mishpacha Magazine I am reminded of this again as they will not print pictures of women, and if they do, they blur the faces.

My niece recently looked at a picture of a Rebbe dancing at his daughter's wedding surrounded by at least 2,000 Chasidim on bleachers. The picture was taken at the Mitzvah Tantz, and you can see the Rebbe is holding a gartel. Logically, his daughter is at the end of that gartel, but out of the picture. My niece asked a brilliant question which I will add my own little addition to: This woman can stand in the center of a room full of THOUSANDS of men, THE ONLY FEMALE, and we need to blur the face of an 89 year old Asian woman being saved from the flooding from Hurricane Irene?????

It's Ludicrous. It's ludicrous and once again it focuses on the wrong things. If we are so afraid that our "heimishe" magazines will cause problems for men who will be sent into a spiritual downfall from seeing a picture of a ten year old girl standing at the rail of a ship  in 1922, then I think are problems are so vast we should give up now.  How can there be any hope of anyone being close to G-d if the most innocuous pictures and viewing will send one hurtling to the depths of impurity. I think those who cannot see the faces of these women should never leave their houses, and if they do they should wear a hood and dark glasses to easily avert their eyes. Those that truly subscribe to this, actually do it, so all those who feel that Mishpacha could be treif need to stop reading it. Who knows what other nefarious things printed in the magazine will get in their way.

That really is the solution. Family First already bills itself as a woman's magazine. Tell men not to read it, and if they do, it's their choice and their spiritual calculation. I hate that my daughters are growing up in this world of the disappearing woman. Unless she goes out to work. Then she can be anywhere and everywhere, and travel for hours...but that's a different rant

The Summer Sputters to an End

I had a really nice summer. The first half was quiet with more than half the kids away for four weeks. After that it was just nice, calm, and then sister from Michigan was around (are those two mutually exclusive?).

We went to the beach twice, which apparently I still do not enjoy doing, HOWEVER, the second time was definitely better this year. Maybe because the umbrella broke in the wind and instead of everyone trying to squoosh into the shady spot we just kind of relaxed in a large circle of chairs and towels (and cabana for next generation baby who came along with his mother).

The best part of the summer was the kayaking. I decided I would try to kayak at least once a week, and I did it. I dealt with the guilt of leaving the kids and going off to do something I loved,by myself, and I managed seven times to make my way up to a nice spot that rents kayaks. I had different partners each time, and one time when my partner could not make it, I went alone. That was fantastic. I love the company, but I really loved going alone. So much so, the next week, when my friend wanted to come with me on Thursday, I went on Wednesday myself, and then Thursday with her. As we paddled (two separate kayaks- I will not do a double...ever again) and floated she asked if she was "messing up my routine." I said "don't worry, I came yesterday."
The best part is I made a goal and stuck to it, with a lot of encouragement from a lot of people, and I appreciate it.

The problem is, I still want to kayak, and child care is a little harder to come by now that  all kids are back in school. It might be chilly, but I would like to try to get back in the paddle again at least twice before November. I'd love more, but I'm being realistic.

As obsessions go, at least this one is healthy, and gives me solitude, time to think and reflect, in unwired silence.

Peace.

Odd Experience

Technically this could go under Grocery Adventures II, but it was so strange that at first I was thrown and then I was better able to reflect on what had happened.

I was about to make lasagna for  this evening's dinner, and as my little helper was washing her hands I was laying out the materials we would need. When I went to get the noodles, I saw that we only had four whole wheat lasagna noodles left. So a quick glance at the clock told me there was time for a fast run to Shoprite, with little browsing I could be back and forth in 35 minutes, get the lasagna in the oven and still be home for the first wave of school returnees.

The shopping was uneventful (though I  noted many carts laden as mine was- baby in the front and 3-4 year old in the back!), and we rapidly made our way to the checkout line. I randomly chose a line that had one woman who appeared to be finishing up. I pulled in behind her, and my little back seat carter proudly started to unload her cardboard and plastic enrobed seat mates.  We had about seven items total. The woman, who looked to be in her early to mid seventies, smiled at my daughter and chuckled as she watched her, and said "I think she's going to line everything up!"

I smiled back and we chatted about nothing while she received her change. She turned to the proud four year old who had done an excellent job unloading the cart, and handed her two dollars, and said:
"You get two because you are big girl, and this one is for your brother."

She then handed the baby a dollar bill. First, I was dumbstruck. Then I told her "Thank you very much, but we cannot accept this."
She replied: "These kids need to take it so that when they see an old lady they will know that she is nice."

I protested again, and she smiled, and turned to leave the store. I thought about going up to her in the parking lot when I realized that she needed us to accept this gift.  Not necessarily for the reason she said, but perhaps she is feeling something today (or maybe many days) maybe associated with her age, or just had this desire to make the kids happy. Neither of them understand the value of a dollar-in fact the 4 year old offered it to me on the way out "if you need more dollars Mommy, you can have from me if you don't have enough."

The crazy thing is this Shoprite is in the vicinity of 4 different senior housing complexes (some assisted, some not), and some of those people seem really old, and look like what you would call an "old lady," but this woman was not.

I was thinking about if she had handed my kid a bag of two dollar candy would I have thought it odd? Probably, because it's excessive, one would suffice (or nothing, but I'm going with the giving), but still not as odd as the money. It was a spur of the moment decision for her, because she gave the singles from the change she received from the cashier.

It also brought up the whole "why do strangers hand things to my kids," issue, but I guess if people are not in this mode of being suspicious about everything, to know to ask,  then maybe  the world has not gone to hell yet.

The cashier put it well after the woman left:

"You don't meet people who are nice for no reason very often."

Sighing

A rare entry from one of the blogberg children (second oldest)

He sighs...
the monotony of life
same old traffic
same old office building
same old view
the only difference
the leaves changing color
fall, September 11
He sighs...
same old parking spot
same old doorman
same old elevator ride
up to the 90th floor
same old view
No!
great dark clouds of billowing smoke
pillars of flame
building collapsing
furniture overturned
bloodcurdling screams
chaos confusion crying
He sighs...
a low moan from deep inside
of intense pain
and paralyzing fear
crawling to the stairs
his shirt ripped off
wrapped around his mouth
acrid smoke stings his eyes
Finally...
the stairs
packs of people
rushing
screaming
as floors above cave in
finally...
finally...
he bursts through the smoke
the fire
the rubble
a rescue worker sees him
He sighs....
blood trickles from a cut above his eye
face scratched
torn clothing
covered in soot
limping
staggering
collapsing
loaded onto a stretcher
siren wailing
lights flashing
rushed to the hospital
He sighs...
pain courses through his body
his room is full of flowers
cards
visitors
but he is empty
his entire life reduced to rubble
everything important to him
burned from 100 floors up
down to ground zero
He sighs...
wishing
dreaming
for the monotony of life
same old traffic
same old office building
same old view
same old life
He sighs....

Grocery Adventures

A large part of my life it seems, is spent grocery shopping. As such on occasion I come upon weird happenings and products.

Yesterday, I was at the local grocery store and was looking through the meat case to see if there was anything interesting to bring home for the coming Holidays. The way it works here is if you see it? Buy it. Unless you want to stand around in the back room surrounded by sides of beef watching customers slip on the bits of fat strewn on the crimson stained floor, waiting for the meat room personnel  to give you the pieces you want. A twenty minute trip can take an hour or more.

Well, looking through the case I found a small package of what appeared to be well marbled beef. The piece was no thicker than a box of cigarettes laid on its side, and no longer than six inches. I looked at the name of this meat with a cute "I'm new" sticker affixed to the front, and saw it was called "Surprise Steak." Then I looked at the price and I saw what the "Surprise" was.  
$37.99 PER POUND!!!!!!!

I showed it to one of the women who work in the store, just in a "can you believe this?" kind of way (she was in the aisle), and she said "that must be a mistake." I knew it was not a mistake, because I have seen other pricey cuts at other stores in the neighborhood. She came back with the meat guy who told me it was not a mistake (which I knew), but then he explained why it was pricey. He said to get this particular cut, a lot of others cuts end up ruined, so they need to make it expensive.

People are crazy!

Rhetorician-in-Chief

As our incredibly stubborn recession grinds on, with the U.S. economy expected by most economists to grow at less than a 2.0% annual rate (if at all), the jobs picture remains bleak.

Headed into the Labor Day weekend, we were informed that no jobs were added to the economy in August, and the unemployment rate remains at 9.1%. Other numbers, such as the underemployment rate, the average length of unemployment and the labor participation rate, further underscore the dire situation in which we find ourselves.

Against this bleak backdrop, President Obama is scheduled to address the nation this week, ostensibly to reveal his plan for creating jobs.

This speech is probably one of the most important ones in Mr. Obama's political career. The nation is waiting for him to exhibit leadership, and to provide and promote concrete ideas for putting Americans back to work.

With that in mind, here are some things that I believe the President should not do in the course of delivering this critical address:

(1) Blame the current situation on the previous administration.

(2) Blame the current situation on Wall Street profiteers.

(3) Indicate that there are those who need to "pay their fair share."

(4) Mention the importance of protecting the environment while growing the economy.

(5) Congratulate himself for implementing health care reform (when he should have been focusing on job creation).

(6) Talk about the need for long-term tax reform.

(7) Talk about the need for "responsible" deficit reduction.

(8) Speak petulantly about anyone - from either party - who does not agree with him.

Items #6 and #7, while important, don't really have a place in this week's address. Americans want to hear specific details about what the administration will do now to create jobs. The bigger picture budget discussions are for another day.

With the foregoing list in mind, here's what I predict the President will talk about this week in his address:

(1) The previous administration's culpability in creating the current situation.

(2) The profits that Wall Street has generated even as millions of Americans remain out of work.

(3) The need for some portions of the population to pay their fair share.

(4) The importance of protecting the environment while growing the economy.

(5) The recent reform of health care laws.

(6) The need for long-term tax reform.

(7) The need for "responsible" deficit reduction.

(8) The idea that anyone who opposes him is at best a fool, and at worst, wishes harm upon our nation.

In summary, I fully expect the President to discuss everything that he shouldn't mention.

This is because President Obama simply can't help himself.

He is a self-absorbed idealist, who doesn't possess the skill needed to lead.
Oftentimes, the "smartest guy in the room" is completely useless when bullets start to fly.

In addition, the reason we're not likely to hear any good job creation ideas from the President is that neither he nor his merry band of liberal advisers have any.

Of course, it's probably unfair of me to indict the President's address days before it's even delivered. Perhaps he'll surprise us, and provide something meaningful and insightful.

I'm not holding my breath.

It's Funny Cuz It's True

Our almost 14 year old just came back from a trip to Israel. Her grandparents took her and her 12 year old cousin in honor of their bas mitzvahs (one was belated, obviously). The girls had a super time, and our daughter was regaling us with details of her activities.

"Cousin and I did this," "Cousin and I went here," "Cousin and I walked there,"  "Cousin and I saw this," "Cousin and I saw that..." said the traveler.

Little-Miss-Sleep-in-the- Laundry-Room, couldn't take it anymore. "Cousin and I, cousin and I, SAY COUSIN AND ME! OR ME AND COUSIN!!!"

MBB gently explained that "you know, 'Cousin and I' is grammatically correct."

She thought a moment and countered with:

"Well it's GRAMMATICALLY ANNOYING "

Not a Place I Want to Be

I recently had an interaction with a fellow who I will call Pomp. Pomp is short for pompous, and the name is apt because I have never in my life, that I can easily recall, had an interaction with someone who was so pompous and condescending and so full of himself while being full of something else at the same time.

I contacted Pomp because he was in charge of a project that was accepting bids for certain contracted work. There's a fellow I know who needs jobs, is good at what he does, and I wanted to know if the bidding was still open. Eventually he told me that the guy could contact him to get the bid info, but this was also after telling me that everyone in business is just out for themselves, and essentially if you ever have loyalty to someone who does work in your house you are a fool, because they will just cheat you. The fact that you know a job will be done well, and guaranteed with good service in the case of a problem is moot. It all comes down to getting the best price, and if you don't well then the world is gonna take advantage of you.

How sad. How sad and pathetic. This man claims to be a businessman, well I know plenty of businessmen who would very much be out of business if their relationships with their customers and suppliers were not a factor in their dealings. If everything were always only based on the best deal then only the cheapest companies would make money.

I was reading an article this weekend about my favorite Mayor, Michale Bloomberg. As much as I chide him for his pomposity and nannyish ways, he is a huge philanthropist, and also loyal to a fault to his executives and political aides. Now, this is a guy who has made loyalty part of who he is, and part of who he is is a billionaire. I don't know for sure, but I'd bet it's not an attribute he developed AFTER he made all that money.

I feel sad for Pomp that he lives in such a cynical world, a world in which everyone is out to get you. The main thing I realized is that I never want to do business with him, and certainly if ever I am in need of his services, I would certainly look elsewhere, even if he's cheaper. Because relationships matter, and I don't want to live in a world where they don't.

Hurricane Irene

Thanks to Hurricane Irene, which we all apparently survived thanks to the Democracy abusing Mayor, Michael Bloomberg (You know, they[critics] should just look in the mirror,” Mr. Bloomberg replied. “They’re alive today, whether because of it or in spite of it. We’re just not going to take any risk with people’s lives.”) we have no internet access.

So for the moment we are using family computers on the other side of town, where a tree did not knock out phone and electric wires a few blocks from the house. We didn't lose power, and they've cut the trees off the wires, but the electric company seems to be busy with other things (restoring power) so they haven't lifted the wires, and I think the cable company doesn't get their chance to fix it until electric and phone are done. Can you say REFUND?

Anyway the tales of our last gasps of summer will have to wait. The web will be a lonely place until we post again......

County Fair!

Yesterday, we went to the Dutchess County fair. I wasn't sure what kind of crowd we would encounter, it really could go either way. It could be raucous and young and tattooed, or, on a Wednesday afternoon it could be a fairly older, staid crowd. We, thankfully, came at a time when we could join the latter.

Last year we went to the Middlesex County fair in New Jersey. It was a completely different experience. The fair we attended yesterday was probably five times the size of the one in New Jersey, and this time we went during the day. There were at least five building with livestock, who, along with their owners seemed to be just sitting around waiting to be judged, there were horse shows and canine shows, but less other entertainment. We saw more shows last year, and the whole place smelled better (see above: livestock, horses, et al), but this fair had an educational section: "Century Museum Antique Village" room size dioramas of life in the late 19th, early 20th century. The little one was quite pleased with herself that she could differentiate the mannequins from the ACTUAL people in each display. I was considerable less impressed with that feat.

While some stayed for the blacksmith demonstration, same little one needed the bathroom. There was a port-a-john about ten feet away from us, but since I have an intense aversion to those, and she was not yet in hopping need, we opted to walk to the restrooms. It wasn't far, and totally worth it. They were pristine. Someone was constantly cleaning them (same thing later, when we stopped at a different restroom), all the smells came from the livestock walking around right nearby.

An observation: Cows can be really pretty. Who knew? Probably all the people who take their cows to be judged at various fairs in various counties and states. There was one beautiful black cow and one black and white cow that had blue outlining the black oblong shapes, it was really pretty. Though it's not likely I'd be able to differentiate the smaller sub-categories, things like "nicest udder." (that is not a joke)

We made our way up to the horse area, the dog shows, and then finally the rides. We didn't find the kiddie rides until after we had sent the little kids through a fun-house that basically was just a bunch of moving floors!

We checked out lots of vendors, interesting crafts, and picked up some yummy plums and cherry tomatoes (the only thing we could get in the "specialty food building"). There is no question that the big draw of a fair are the various food vendors and homemade delectables.

We had fun anyway.

Editor!!!

I am not sure where this falls on the unintentional comedy scale, but it's definitely on there:

New Jersey Doctor Accused of Poking Girl With Screwdriver

Published August 23, 2011

| Associated Press

NEWARK, N.J.-- New Jersey regulators have suspended the license of a northern New Jersey physician accused of poking a 13-year-old child more than 100 times with a screwdriver, causing bruises and small cuts.

The state Board of Medical Examiners announced the action Monday against Dr. Sylvia Lee of Emerson, an allergist who practiced in Old Bridge.

Lee was arrested at her home on July 3 on charges of aggravated assault and child endangerment. The alleged victim was identified only as a 13-year-old female. The complaint does not specify the child's relationship with Lee.

Police say Lee jabbed the child with the flathead screwdriver in a dispute over household chores.
An after-hours message was left Monday for Lee's attorney, Jay J. Friedrich of Ridgewood.

Why would they portray this as professional misconduct if it was about household chores? And she's an allergist and her default punishment is JABBING SOMEONE?!!?!? She must do that all day when she does testing and allergy shots! Even if she hadn't had her license suspended would you want to go to an allergist who LIKES POKING PEOPLE???????

Cray. Zee

Staycation?

Who knew you could be on vacation at home?

Midwest sister is in town, which means the kids have slumber parties and play together all day. It means Sis and I hang out, do errands, swim and generally enjoy each other's company.

Now, she is away so things like meals and laundry can sort of be relegated to "vacation mode." I, on the other hand, am not away, but very much in my house. Apparently, pretending not to be, because laundry and meals and other small domestic responsibilities seem to have gone by the way side.

Either she's a bad influence, or this is just the best summer ever. I'm thinking the latter. We need to take the kids to the local park and get a good game of Sand Newcomb going.

I wish she could stay longer.

10 Questions

Mishpacha Magazine has a feature called 10 Questions, where they ask a person ten questions about things they seem to have some sort of expertise in. It could be questions relating to a profession, a social issue or just a cultural phenomenon. This week, Mishpacha highlighted a gas station owner who sells a pareve chulent at his gas station on Thursday night.

I wasn't impressed with the interview, which as always is the fault of the reporter. These would be my questions:

1)There are certain business that we are used to hearing Frum people being involved with (jewlery, real estate are just two examples), how did you decide to buy a gas station?

2)Wow! A Chassidishe guy owns a gas station on a major thoroughfare in the county that is closed on Shabbos. Did you find that it took longer then expected (based on market research of other gas stations in similar neighborhoods) being closed on one of the busiest shopping/outings days in the non Frum world?

3)When setting up the convenience store did you always plan to make it a heimishe place with kosher food, kosher reading material and cds?

4)Did you consider, being a heimishe place, not selling lottery tickets or cigarettes?

5)The big news about your gas station is your Thursday night chulent. Do you have a hechsher?

6)Could your lack of hechsher, plus popularity, chip away at the kashrus system we have in place, that in order to sell food and be taken seriously, one needs to have an outside agency or Rav supervising the kashrus-one who does not have a financial stake in the selling of the food?

7)Do you have to follow any of the guidelines of the board of health? Do they inspect your facility, or the facilities where you prepare this food?

8)You claim to have been the first to have chulent on Thursday night and all others followed you. Does your Town not have take out food stores , so you filled a need that was just not there before you started serving and selling your meatless chulent?

9) Do you see yourself branching out to more gas stations?

10)Do you see yourself branching out into more "Thursday night fare,' and if you expanded your menu, would you feel any responsibility to get a hechsher?

Non-Sequitur

As much as I hate to admit it, I am getting too old to manage on just three or four hours of shut eye. One, because physically it takes its toll, and two, I just don't have the time or BH lack of responsibilities to be able to make it up by sleeping as late as I'd like. I think this is one of the major indications of one's age. You can stay up, that's not the problem, it's how it affects you the rest of the day/week/month that really brings it home. (If you want to really feel old, and you are female, go to a wedding and try dancing. The minute the young girls see who's hand they are holding they will drop it like a hot potato and start an new circle without anyone over age 25)

These sleep patterns are unlike those of the many teenagers currently residing at this address. I sometimes wonder if I did not wake them how long they would actually go. If they did that, they'd stay up really late the next night because "I slept all day," so the cycle would continue.

This morning at about 7:00 am, after a very late night hanging out like a teenager until two in the morning (then getting home and getting the non sleeping actual teenagers into bed before retiring at about 2:45), little four year old came into my room. At some point during her yap fest I mentioned that we should try to sleep, because "I love sleep."

She looked at me with her eyes huge and replied:

"I LOVE candy.".

Of course she does.

He is Frummer Than I

In today's day and age everybody seems to be trying to be prove how much frummer he is than the next guy.

I went shopping today, as I often do, more often than I should probably, and I learned how true this is.

I did a medium size shopping, but wasn't in the mood to shlep the bags home, luckily, the store offers free delivery. I asked that they deliver my items, minus some chicken, flanken and cheese.

The non-Jewish Spanish guy was putting the items in the bag I would be carrying home with me, (as opposed to the box that would be delivered later), and I handed him the cheese "This can go in there too," I innocently instructed him.

In his broken English he informed "That's cheese-separate,separate."

I started to explain that everything was in packages, but he just shook his head and put the sun dried tomato and basil encrusted fresh mozzarella in its own bag.

Then he gave me a big smile.

Slow Sunday

Needing to catch up on sleep, I crawled back into bed at 9:45 this morning. Being just a few days before Tisha B'av we had no big plans for the day, nothing beyond the misery of going through and organizing all the toys. We figured it was a good activity for "Shavua She Chal Bo," and spent the past few days alerting the masses in the house that that would be the activity for Sunday.

When I went in for my late morning zzzzs the girls were mostly still in bed. I did not wake them, because they don't go to work on Sunday, and I figured not much would happen anyway if I was in bed.

I was wrong. When I got up from my nap, the toys were almost completely arranged, organized and discarded. I could not believe that they had gotten up did their morning routine, and then just got to work on what they knew I wanted done!

Once everything was really finished, a few hours later, we piled into the car for a ride to a self serve yogurt place about half an hour away from us. It was actually fun, though the amount each one took was different so it would be hard to compare the cost with a place like Carvel (though everyone took the amount they wanted, not too little not too much, none leftover!)even with the total amount costing the same. So per pound it may have been more, but we all got what we liked.

We ate it a park down the block from the store, the little kids playing in the playground, and the big ones shmoozing with their camp friends who they alerted that they'd be in the area.

Two of the kids wanted to bike ride when we returned, so off we went.

Bike riding, ice cream, and a major job tackled. Not bad for a do nothing Sunday

Diagnosed

Some of you may recall a few weeks ago I was lamenting the state of my ankle.

Well, it hasn't gotten better, in fact, it has gotten worse. I finally went to the orthopedist today. It's not broken, but it was sprained, and my flat duck feet aren't doing it any favors in the promotion of healing department. I have custom orthotics, but they are over twenty years old, and apparently it's time for new ones.

Fiiine.

Appointment is set for Monday at the podiatrist for new arches. The sticky wicket now is the doctor wants me to go for physical therapy. Which means at least an hour twice a week. In the Summer!!! What a kick in the.....ankle! The first place I called set everything up then called back to say they need authorization, so, no, we don't want you (And this is BEFORE OBAMACARE!).

Now I gotta find a place and stick into my schedule of doing nothing, kayaking and swimming. When will I find the time? To add injury to injury I tripped over a new box of Oxiclean and the edge of the box stabbed me right in the particular spot that the ankle is tender.

Whatever.

Fate

There are many stories, some motion pictures, of people who avoid what appears to be their fate, only to succumb at a later time in a similar or even exact same way. I recently had this experience.

With my bluetooth.

For those of you who do not see me on a regular basis, or only see me on Shabbos or Yom Tov, you may not know, that I and my bluetooth are rarely separated. In fact, I am quite certain that there may come a Friday night, when I am ready to light candles (probably in the winter, when I will have showered early in the day), and may indeed find the apparatus still attached to my ear.

For those not yet converted to the joys of a bluetooth, just know, if you get one, you may want to get an unlimited calling plan with it. It is so easy to cook and clean and pretty much do anything hands free, that once you try it, you will never want to go back to the neck straining mode of holding the phone with your shoulder while peeling potatoes, or washing dishes (no, not talking on the phone is NOT an option).

Last year, while watching the kids at the pool, I leaned over, and "spelunk," it fell off my ear, and into the pool. I resigned myself to a trip to the store for a new bluetooth ( I get the cheapest one-the plantronics is so comfortable!). We fished it out, and I decided to see if it could be salvaged. I had a number of those "DO NOT EAT" sillica gel packs that are meant to keep clothes and shoes moisture free, and I put them in a ziplock back with the bluetooth for three days. Lo and behold! It worked! The range was no longer thirty feet between phone and bluetooth (though I'm still not convinced that it's not my lousy phone), but otherwise it was as good as it had been.

This summer, I am enjoying my resolution to go kayaking once a week. (I'm having a super time with it-alone and with others) I wear a fanny pack, in which I put the car keys and my phone, safely ensconced in a "water wallet." What is a water wallet? Well, many moons ago MBB bought a bathing suit that touted a "water wallet" as a great feature that was included in the bathing suit. He bought it online, so we waited, with much anticipation to see this water wallet. It turned out to be a a ziplock sandwich bag(freezer bag strength). So now, when I go kayaking, I take a water wallet from the many boxes of them we have handy in the pantry. I like to wear the bluetooth, because I obviously do not take the baby with me, and if someone calls me, I can pick up the phone without removing it from the fannypack. It would be more of a hassle to replace the phone (pictures, contacts) then to replace the bluetooth. Plus, I have built in bluetooth in the car, so even when I don't have an earpiece I can abide by the law and continue hands-free driving.

Unfortunately, the last time I went the bluetooth slipped off my ear as I got into the kayak, and finally, met it's watery demise.

Sleep well with the fishes, my friend.

The Enemy of My Enemy...

I don't know a lot about the current debt ceiling crisis, I just know that the New York Times editorial board hates the "deal," which makes me quite certain that whatever it is, it's a good idea!

Seriously, there is one aspect of economics I don't really understand. Social Security. I think it should be structured more like insurance for retirement, versus guaranteed pay out for retirement. There are many people who do not need the money from the government, and though they've paid into it, I still think it should be doled out on a need basis. As for all those years that people paid into it? As I said it's insurance, it gives them the opportunity to make risky investments in their older age, or visit casinos a few times a year, because if they fall on hard times, Social Security will then be there to prop them up!

Before you yell socialism, think about it. It makes sense.

Sigh

The garage smells like camp, and there are eight bulging bags of laundry and one duffel bag full of blankets and pillows awaiting a trip to the laundromat. Supper was an actual meal, with table settings and everything. There are sneakers and papers everywhere, there is talking and singing and arguing. The quiet is gone. The house that shuts down at 8 pm, a mere memory. But last night I couldn't stop smiling as I passed all the rooms with all those sleeping kids.

Under one roof.

"Second Half"

The official second half of summer begins today when the girls return from their four week stint in overnight camp. Feeding three little kids a steady (unhealthy) diet of ice cream, "Tradition" (ramen noodle)soups, hot dogs and scrambled eggs will come to a close. It's back to proper suppers for a crowd, breakfast for a clan, and lunch for the two who'll be hanging with me.

The kayaking will be easier with babysitters back in the house, and I may even try for twice a week. Last week my kayaking partner had to cancel, but I went myself. I missed her, but the solitude was great, and the level of the workout was better, as I did less floating for shmoozing purposes, and more actual paddling.

Yesterday we took the little kids to Easton, PA to the Crayola Factory. We hadn't been there in ten years, and having only the younger set with us it was the perfect outing for the perfect ages, and they had a fantastic time. Sunday in the summer at the tail end of a heat wave is not necessarily the best time to go to a kid friendly INDOOR activity from a crowd perspective, but it really didn't feel crowded and there were lots of projects available. I thought we'd stay for two hours, (based on what the website said), but between Crayola and the canal museum (connected, read: one price for both), we left after four hours. I'd love to say the trip home was uneventful, but someone (me) changed the baby a little too quickly when we were leaving, and he had a very messy "accident" on the way home. That meant a shoulder stop to clean everything up, and a garbage stop. Of course there were no rest stops, so it meant getting off the exit and driving about five miles in until we could find a trash receptacle. Seriously, it was all residential and we could not find a garbage can. Richard III came to mind.

There's a lot more summer left, we hope to use it well.

Summer Harvest

A summer day that is spent almost entirely outside, is pretty close to perfect just in that regard. When you boil it down to the activities, it can just make you sigh with delight. There's a certain joy in just having a day where you don't do much more than appreciate the beautiful world Hashm created. And eat confections made from that world.

As we did last summer, and per request of the little girls at home, blueberry picking was the agenda for the day. What a difference a year makes! No longer a newborn, boy was very happy to scarf as many blueberries as we'd give him. Four year old was more than able to determine the "very fat- very blue" berries peeking out from under leaves, and clustered, seemingly oddly, with completely green, unripe berries. The current eldest, was so proud to navigate the rows on her own, filling her heart shaped basket with only the choicest fruits. When they had enough, we walked back to the car, still in good moods despite the heat, and made our way to a placid park near the farm, where lunch was eaten under a shady tree next to a pond with two elegantly spouting fountains.

There were other picnickers, each staking out their own shady patch of green. We assumed them to be locals (unlike us), and the very few of this town who were not riding their bikes or running/jogging on the main road, the one with no shoulder. And twists and turns. Lots of twists and turns. It was actually a fairly scary experience, never knowing when a cyclist would be around the next bend with another car approaching from the opposite direction.

We made our way home, and appreciated the generosity of my sister, as the girls were able to show their father how good they've gotten in the pool. Remarkably, the four year old has learned to swim without "floaties," even though her only swimming without them takes place in camp, which has only been a few weeks!

There was enough time to come home, dry off, whip up blueberry muffins and a quick blueberry plum cobbler until it was time to run off to a family bar-b-cue. Good food, good fun, good people.

Good day.

The Devil in the Details

Why is there such a great fascination with every minute- second really- of this horrible, tragic, heart wrenching case?

Probably because the more information we gather, the more we know, the more easily we hope or think or pray we will be able to prevent this in our own lives.

We hope this family can one day find peace.

Yeah, I Guess So...

The girls' camp will print emails sent to campers, which are then distributed with the regular mail. This allows for quick short notes, or long missives, but the kids will get them later that day, provided that it is sent in by a certain time (they only print the emails once a day- otherwise, they get it the next day). Sometime it ends up being a lot of pressure, especially when not much is going on.

One of the girls (she likes to call herself PG-13- PIANO GIRL 13- her hobby and age mixed together)has been writing fairly regularly (in ten days we've received three letters and three postcards). She seems to understand why the emails are somewhat sporadic.

Here's what she wrote:

Based on your e-mails (thank you!)sounds like you are keeping up a steady summer routine (of monotony and fun)

Indeed

The View from the Mountains

For the first time in a few years we had a new kid in camp. Though, she's been going up to this camp since she's three years old, it hardly seemed like it would be hard for her. That and three sisters and three cousins n camp with her, made for a smooth transition into one of the overnight campers. (It helps that her oldest sister is a JC in the bunkhouse right next door).

Because one of the girls is now staff our day changed a bit. We waited around on campus until she could leave. The only problem was, we've been there so many times that there is very little left to "see." We managed to just sit around and shmooze, with nieces and and aunts and uncles, and as a great surprise to my family...grandmother!!! MY kids were quite excited that she had come up, and were happy that she got to see the camp (thrilled with the cookies as well).

This year we did some more research and found a place not far from camp called Irving Cliff. IT was named after Washington Irving:

In 1841 a group of prominent New York City businessmen, its mayor Philip Hone, and author Washington Irving traveled by canal boat from Rondout, New York, to Honesdale. The large rock cliff 300 feet above the town so impressed Washington Irving that he deemed it necessary to climb to its summit. Later Philip Hone named the Cliff after his friend.

In 1883 John Alden Wood began constructing a summer hotel on the summit of Irving Cliff. The four-story high, castellated-style building included elevator service. All 125 bedrooms had private bathrooms. Construction was completed in 1885. The Irving Cliff Hotel was scheduled to open on June 22. 1889, but burned to the ground the evening of May 28, 1889. The cause of the fire was never determined.

After enjoying the views, we came back down, traversed a small footbridge over the Lackawanna River, fed some ducks, and made our way over to a small shul that was established in 1849. Unfortunately what was started as an Orthodox (yekkish!) shul is now a reform congregation, but I peeked inside a window, and it seemed like there was an upstairs balcony:

The Hebrew congregation was first formed in 1849 by ten German immigrant families, with services being held in the home of Mr. Waller, which was located on Upper Main Street. In 1856, the Delaware & Hudson Co., through the intercession of Russell F. Lord, donated the present riverbank site as a building lot. In addition, Mr. Lord donated money for the construction of a place of worship. The Temple was dedicated on September 10, 1856 and has the unique distinction of being the smallest synagogue in the United States. During the flood of 1942, when most of the riverbank structures were swept away, the little Temple stood, "It fell not for it was founded on a Rock."

(it's not a great picture, in that the shul was built in the "church" style and has a small steeple on top, which apparently I missed in this shot, most likely due to the slamming of the car door, as one of the girls threatened to walk back to camp-(15 miles?)and I needed to stop taking pictures a referee ten days of pent up non-fighting!)

Then a quick supermarket run to replenish some stock, back to camp, another loooooong goodbye, and off we went, with minimal traffic.

It was a really nice day.

GUEST BLOGGER

Though we don't often have guest bloggers, we felt this was a particularly interesting post by the ubiquitous commenter: DOOBIE....enjoy!

My son came home from shul the other day a bit upset. He had carefully moved a pair of glasses that were on the table in front of him out of the way so he could put his tallis and tefillin down. He wasn't careful to put them down on the arms and put the glasses down lens first. After davening the owner of the glasses came over to my son and told him that he had scratched his lenses and that it would cost him $200.00 to fix.

My son was surprised by that number and asked if he really thought it would be that much to replace. The man told him that maybe he will find out first how much it would cost to replace and let us know.

When my son got home he counted out some of the money he keeps in a safe at home and then told me about it. Of course I was outraged. I couldn't imagine it could cost that much just to replace a lens but I was even more surprised that so much damage could have occured by placing the glasses upside down. I of course jumped to the conclusion that the man was taking advantage of my son and trying to get a new pair of glasses out of a boy's mistake. (Though, my son probably should not have touched the man's stuff in the first place) When I spoke with my husband about it later, we decided to ask our Rav if our son was liable for the damage halachikly, and it turns out he was.

But to minimize the costs we decided we would call the man and ask him if we could take care of the replacement lenses ourselves. (Having an uncle in the eyecare business, I was hoping we could get it fixed for cheaper).

My husband called the man, and then told me that as soon as the man heard who was calling, he laughed. The whole thing was a JOKE meant to unnerve my son, worry him, or scare him, all of which it did. The man even mentioned that another boy watching this whole exchange thought it was funny too.

My son did not! Not when he couldn't imagine he did that much damage by something seemingly so innocuous, not when he asked if it would really cost that much, not when he had to call a Rav and say he might have damaged someone else's things, and not when he had an argument with his father about not doing things that might have big consequences even when seemingly small.

I so don't understand this type of joke. I have never understood or liked practical jokes. So much so, that I am likely to unfavorably judge anyone who does think these types of jokes are funny. To me, it seems that if the only way something is funny is if another person is embarrassed or scared or made fun of, it can't be that funny in the first place. Any joke that must be at someone else's expense is inherently not funny. It only makes the person playing the joke feel better. And for how long? They got a laugh at someone else's expense, and if lucky got others to laugh too- thereby making the butt of the joke more embarrassed and themselves the life of the party on another's cheshbon. This man likely left shul without giving it another thought. My son (and I) were bothered most of the day. At first because he was upset he had damaged the glasses (when that seemed so unlikely based on the action) then because that is a lot of money to pay for small mistake. Then a bit of embarrassment to call the Rav and admit the mistake. And most especially later when he found he was just the butt of a silly joke. I was bothered for most of the same reasons and in addition having had an argument with my husband about not being Dan L'chaf Zechus about the man asking for that kind of money for something that seemed so unlikely to me. So here we have a situation where one man (and possibly some onlookers) had a moment (or two) of thinking something is funny and as a result caused all sorts of anguish, embarrassment, argument and bad feelings.

Do you think it was worth the "joke?"