Occupy Iceberg

Well, my acquaintances, I’m back.

Don’t get too excited, though.

I’m not here to post anything.

Rather, I’ve come to protest a glaring and lingering injustice.

You see, despite the fact that I comprise a full 50% of the management of this blog, I have contributed only about 1% of the posts within the past several months.

On college campuses all over this great nation, where opium is the religion of the masses, there’s a word for that.

INEQUALITY

I am the “other 1%,” or the “other 50%,” depending upon how you look at it, and I’m not pleased.

Now, rather than allow some ultra-conservative media outlet like Fox News to portray me as some kind of rabble-rouser with no real agenda, I will lay out my beliefs in a clear fashion:

• I believe in fairness.
• I believe in equality.
• I believe that things should be fair.
• I believe that things should be equal.
• I believe that things must change.
• I believe that things cannot stay the same.
• I will not tolerate the status quo.
• These conditions have persisted for too long.
• The only way we can bring about change is to state, unequivocally, our opposition to the current conditions.
• For the record, let me state that I am unequivocally opposed to the current conditions.
• Hey, are you going to finish that beer?
• I know that you want me to be silent, but I will not be silent.
• Only by voicing our opinions can we give voice to our opinions.
• In the absence of hope, there is no hope.
• The oppression must end.
• In order for the oppression to end, it must be exposed for the entire world to see.
• We will take to our iPhones and iPads to tell the world of our oppression and deprivation.
• Just as soon as I finish my $7 soy milk latte.
• Seriously, it’s terrible once it gets cold.
• No, lattes are not meant to be reheated. I’m a progressive, not a savage.
• I will not sleep until the blogosphere has become just.
• Or until sometime later this evening, whichever comes earlier.

You know what? I’ve changed my mind. I’m no longer interested in this cause. It bores me.

Furthermore, it has recently come to my attention that there are far more egregious examples of inequality out there than what I’ve witnessed on this blog.

While most of you like to think globally and act locally, I demand a larger stage.

I prefer to think galactically.

(Blogger’s Note: The bourgeois pigs and their repressive spell check tool do not seem to recognize the term “galactically.” That’s hardly surprising for those narrow-minded, gun-toting, right wing nut-jobs. Either way, their efforts at suppressing my progressive words and ideas have failed, once again. I simply clicked “ignore,” reflecting my attitude towards most of the rules of society and good hygiene).

The following table lists the eight planets in our solar system, arranged by their distance from the sun (closest-to-farthest away), showing their mass in both absolute and relative terms (with the Earth’s mass as the benchmark).

PlanetRelative Mass (Earth = 1.0)Mass (in yottagrams)% of Total Mass
Mercury 0.0553 330 0.0124%
Venus 0.8150 4,869 0.1825%
Earth 1.0000 5,974 0.2239%
Mars 0.1070 642 0.0241%
Jupiter 317.8300 1,898,600 71.1583%
Saturn 95.1590 568,460 21.3055%
Uranus 14.5360 86,832 3.2544%
Neptune 17.1470 102,430 3.8390%

Total 446.6493 2,668,136 100.0000%


As you can see, one planet, Jupiter, representing a mere 12.5% of the planets, has more than 70% of the aggregate mass.

This is inequality in its most breathtakingly obvious form.

We cannot remain silent about this situation any longer.

We must mobilize and motivate others to act.

Our objective is clear.


We must Occupy Jupiter.