Hangin' with Chad

Election Day is finally here. Here's a quick dispatch from the polling station.

As I needed to catch an early afternoon flight out of town today, I went vote earlier in the day than usual. FBB came along, so that I could tell her who to vote for.

Wait a second. Please scratch that last sentence. It is absolutely wrong. Pardon me.

The sentence should read "...so that I could tell her whom to vote for."

Anyway, things were rather uneventful, and the place was actually quite empty. We didn't have to wait at all, and were finished voting in just a few minutes. Generally speaking, it was a rather pleasant experience.

Until I realized that I'd been cheated.

Later, at the airport, I noticed several people wearing "Election '08: I Voted" stickers. Hmmm. That's funny. I didn't get a sticker.

Later, I was watching the news on the flight (it was a Jet Blue excursion), and they were showing footage of voting places, and massive boxes of "I Voted" stickers.

Where was my sticker?

The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. As our local readers are aware, we pay extremely high property taxes in this voting district. Don't tell me that they couldn't afford to give out stickers.

What do you have to do around here to score a sticker?

I realize that it seems like I'm blowing this out of proportion. Some ofyou probably think I'm just frustrated about the probable, highly unfortunate outcome of this presidential election. But you've got to understand. I like free stuff.

Luckily, they weren't giving out free T-shirts. I'd do anything for a free T-shirt. Why, if the Socialist Workers/Legalize Marijuana Party were to hand out T-shirts at the polling station, I'd probably vote for their candidate. Of course, it's probably not legal to hand out T-shirts at the polls. Neither is marijuana. Yet.

Then again, maybe I'm just the most naïve voter out there. Perhaps you don't get a sticker for only voting once. Any idiot can vote once. Maybe it's really a "frequent voter" sticker.

Here's what I'll do next time. I will return to the voting location approximately 60 minutes after voting. I'll walk up to the desk and announce my name. The kindly, octogenarian volunteer will look up my name in her book. Upon seeing that I had already signed my name earlier, she will look up at me, and just as she's about to say "I'm sorry sir, it appears as though you've already voted today," I'll say, "I'm going for the sticker this time." I will then wink. Probably my left eye. That's my winking eye. She'll nod her head, almost imperceptibly, and I'll step into the booth. Upon leaving the booth, I will ask for the sticker. I will then ask if I can earn more stickers for voting more often. Perhaps I can then trade in three stickers for a large stuffed Bugs Bunny doll.

You get the picture. So, if at some point over the next four years, you hear me say, "Boy, I just cannot wait until Election Day," you'll know why.