I Don't Have to Take This Garbage, They Do.

Today, I arrived home to discover that my trash had not been picked up, and my two trash bins were overflowing with garbage bags.

To many (read: "normal") people, this is a simple inconvenience. In fact, according to this story, a New York City resident is alive today solely because the trash has not been picked up, due to the recent blizzard.

For me, however, this was a real problem. As FBB can attest, I am absolutely obsessed with getting rid of my garbage. On more than a few occasions, I've asked her to call me at work (or to text me, if I was in a meeting) to confirm that our garbage was picked up. Yes, it's that important to me. From my perspective, this was not a simple oversight. Rather, it was an inexcusable dereliction of duty on the part of the employees of the firm with whom our hamlet contracts to remove our refuse.

Entering my home already in a bad mood (never a good idea), I came across today's mail, sitting in a pile. In an incredibly unfortunate piece of timing, I received my property tax bill today. I quickly tore open the envelope, eager to diagnose the latest despicable manifestation of wealth redistribution in our fair town, and began to peruse the itemized tax invoice. Much to my horror, I discovered that the garbage removal portion of my tax bill had more than doubled since last year.

So, let me get this straight. You people are going to double my garbage tax, and you won't even remove my garbage!?

I honestly cannot remember the last time I was this angry.

This is the last straw. (For that matter, it's also the first. I guess I'm just a one-straw guy).

I recall hearing a story about how a couple in our town, upset that their garbage had not been picked up, brought their garbage to Town Hall and left it there. While that seems like an interesting response, it doesn't go nearly far enough.

If my garbage does not get picked up tomorrow, I am going to embark on a full-fledged rampage, the likes of which people in this area have never witnessed. People will speak of it 20 years hence in hushed tones, and the mere mention of it will give them goosebumps.

At first glance, it appears pretty foolish to announce a forthcoming rampage, but I don't care. Feel free to forward this post to anyone you know in law enforcement or the armed forces. The fury that I plan to unleash will be of such force that they will be utterly powerless to stop me. They will simply prove themselves incapable of resisting my cyclone of rage.

I'm not going to give out any specifics as to my planned actions, but I can assure you that if my tidal wave of destruction is set in motion, it will be both spectacular and horrific.

At a minimum, I can assure you that when I do mail in my property tax payment, I will not write the invoice number in the memo section of the check. And, when I write my return address on the envelope, I will include only my standard, five-digit zip code. These people don't deserve the added courtesy of the Zip+4.

It certainly looks like they messed with the wrong guy this time.