You Want Me To Do What?

Recently I've become aware of a problem that does not really effect me. As the mother of two teen aged girls, there are very few circumstances in which I need to look for and hire a babysitter. I am, and always have been, very lucky on that front having my young cousins live across the street from me. Again, luckily, as my cousins grew too old to babysit (and I mean getting married, they would ALWAYS babysit for me in a pinch even in their twenties)new neighbors moved in, with teen aged girls. So the issue of needing to get out and being unable to find a babysitter was not one I struggled with. But, when speaking to mothers of young children, I see that this is more likely NOT the case.

So as someone who never faced this problem myself, I feel that I can somewhat objectively give my opinion on this matter.

Mishpacha magazine recently ran an article on this topic, and I think they did not go far enough. Most Bais Yaakov high schools have a Chesed program where they send their students to disadvantaged homes, or homes with special needs children, to help the family in whatever way the family may need. Usually it's a dire or grim situation in these homes, the girls go for their one hour of "Chesed" per month or two weeks, depending on the school, and then they fill in their paperwork. What have they learned? Well, they've learned they need to help those less fortunate than themselves, and generally garner a new appreciation for all the things that are good in their lives. A worthy endeavor indeed. However, maybe there is something missing. What we need to be teaching these girls is their responsibility to help those who need it, even if it doesn't come under the classic banner of high school "chesed." I think what throws a lot of these kids, is the women who call requesting their babysitting services live in clean homes, with well children, and can afford to pay. But if their getting out to a wedding, a dinner, a sale, or even a date with their spouse is incumbent on the cooperation of their young neighbor, I believe those girls should indeed agree to help them out. They do not have to decline payment to achieve the act of chesed. If the woman has already called ten girls all of whom have said no, then a quick yes, and a night of watching someone's kids and eating whatever they find in the pantry and getting paid has now been elevated to lofty status.

The fact that this is a sad commentary on both the kids and parents of today is an issue as well. When parenting teenagers it is important to pick your spots, and maybe some parents feel this is not an avenue of friction they wish to travel down. However, as many things in life, the more you work towards something the more it sticks with you. If a girls realizes that what she is doing is a huge help, chesed if you will, to the other person, she will have learned a valuable lesson in real life. Sometimes those who need help are right there, and it's relatively easy to do. It doesn't have to be the most exciting and most prestigious sounding project to be a help. And that's a lesson that parents can teach their kids. It's OK to help someone even if the whole world doesn't know about it, and it doesn't sound all that exciting when you repeat it or put it on a resume. But these days, it seems to be what is needed, and that's the truest form of chesed. Helping someone the way they need the help.

(That girls don't feel the need to babysit, from an economic standpoint, and whether that is sustainable in the current economic climate is an issue for another blog).

So it's really become something that needs to be reformed in people's mind. Parents need to press upon the kids the importance babysitting plays in the community at large. And what is a bigger chesed than that?


For now, it's up to you dear reader, whether you are a parent of a teen ager, a teen ager, or parent of young children who needs a babysitter you need to get the word out. Change people's attitudes. It can be done.