Field of Broken Dreams

With the government stepping in last week to bailout Citigroup, pledging tens of billions of dollars to prop up the teetering banking behemoth, the question on everyone's mind is, "Who is to blame for this mess?" Vikram Pandit? Chuck Prince? Sandy Weill?

Well, IcebergCarwash is here to provide answers, and we've got the answer to this vexing question as well.

Come to think of it, we have the answers to most any question, relating to topics ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. With the exception of one question, that is.

"How many jelly beans are in this jar?"

I've got to admit, I've never come close to answering this question accurately. Whether it's jelly beans, coffee beans, rubber bands, you name it, I've probably never been within 20% of the correct answer. Heck, if you spread out ten chocolate chip cookies on a nine inch plate, and offered an Aston Martin V12 Vanquish to the first person to guess correctly how many cookies were on the plate, I'd blow that one too. I've just got a mental block when it comes to these things. I'm no Rain Man.

I guess you've just got to have a knack for it. Like that guy a few years ago who walked into my local 7-11 store, took one look at the jar of coffee beans, and said "35,271." The store manager said, "Close. It's 35,270. You win," and handed him a certificate for a free lifetime supply of Slurpees. He grinned, and then walked out of the store triumphantly, whereupon he spent the next 25 minutes trying to figure out where he parked his car.

So, if you come across one of those contests, don't call me. You're on your own.


Where was I? Ah, yes. We were attempting to assign blame for Citigroup's downfall. The answer is simple.

The Mets.

As in The New York Metropolitans Baseball Club.

In the spirit of full disclosure (which is a real staple here at IcebergCarwash), I am a New York Yankees fan. As a fan of the most successful sports franchise in the history of mankind (as measured by the number of championships won), I very rarely pay any attention to New York's other team. To a Yankees fan, the Mets resemble a mosquito bite on one's backside. Rarely considered, somewhat unsightly and every once in a while, annoying. Unlike Mets fans, who seem obsessed with the Yankees, rooting against them with almost the same fervor with which they pull for their own squad, Yankees fans don't pay much attention to the Mets. They don't really register on our radar screens.

The reality is that the Mets are losers, as evidenced by their annual, epic September collapses, and the fact that they've only won two World Series in their 47 years of existence. Nor are the franchise's failings confined to the field of play. The Mets turn everything they associate with into losers as well. (Interestingly, I know many Mets fans who are not losers. Their ability to defy the odds and remain untainted by their association with the team is remarkable, and is truly one of the great inspirational stories of our time).

In the case of Citigroup, the connection here is too obvious to overlook. On November 13, 2006, the Mets announced that Citigroup had bought the naming rights to the Mets' new stadium, which would hereafter be referred to as "Citi Field," for a whopping $400 million over 20 years. I'm not going to discuss the pros and cons of the Mets building a new stadium, nor the fact that Citigroup has said that it remains committed to this sponsorship deal, even as it begs the government for funds. At issue here is the effect arising from an affiliation with the Mets. Citigroup's stock peaked within a few weeks of the announcement of the sponsorship. Since the day of the announcement, Citigroup's shares are down more than 85%, and its very viability as a going concern has been questioned.

Clearly, the Mets have brought down one of our banking giants, and perhaps the rest of the global financial system with it. It's just too bad that no one thought of harnessing this incredible power for a good use. For example, had John McCain spent every dollar he raised in his campaign on naming the new stadium "Barack Obama Field," he'd probably be the President-elect today. If the U.S. Government, which is already throwing around taxpayer dollars like confetti, would buy the naming rights to the place, and name it "Al Qaeda Park," we'd soon be able to breeze through airport security with as much as four ounces of liquid in our carry-on bags.

In retrospect, I find it amazing that Citigroup was not aware of this before it agreed to the sponsorship. I guess they've now learned the hard way. I wonder how much money the Mets would charge Citigroup to agree to remove the Citi name?