In a recent post (there haven't been too many of those lately), we spoke of the need to help other people out even if it's not really something you're thrilled to do. I believe that, but I don't think that gives people the right to assume that others will do things for them, and put them on the spot.
Last night at 10:42 I went to pick up my daughter from a school party. I came a little late, because she told me the party was over at 10:30, but that I shouldn't come before 10:40 the EARLIEST. So trying to be a nice Mom, and overcome my need for punctuality I got there at 10:50. The party was now "officially" over for 20 minutes, and unofficially for 10 minutes. Through the window I could see my daughter still dancing and having a good time, she looked really happy. After about a minute she came outside, opened the door to the car, and said "Mom, there's some kids who need a ride home, can you take them?" So of course I said yes. I was really tired, and these kids live in my general neighborhood, but not "on my way" and not on my block. Granted, all told it was a seven minute difference, but I was annoyed.
Not at the kids. At their parents. How do you send your kid off to a party and just basically abdicate your responsibility to pick them up to some anonymous person, because you don't feel like coming out to get them? If I live two houses away from them, sure. We could have arranged it in advance, but no problem if we didn't. But this? This is just so....I can't even think of the word. Oh, wait I got it. Selfish. Both houses I went to were completely dark, so those parents didn't have to wait up to go pick up their kids, they just assumed someone else would do it. I could have said no, and the kids would have asked someone who lives even further away, or GASP! called their parents, but I felt bad. For the kids who were put in the situation. Because, really, how hard is it for the parents to make a phone call and ask someone to do something, as opposed to ambushing them at 11 at night.
What's the difference, you may ask, if you would do it either way? Good question. AND I HAVE THE ANSWER!!! Aside from it being the more courteous thing to do,I think the main reason people DO NOT call to set it up in advance (it was a three hour party there was ample time to call and ask)is that they don't want to feel like they asked a favor, or need to return one. So they have their kids ask, at the party, spur of the moment, and that way they are beholden to no one. Not that I feel there needs to be a quid pro quo,and I'm happy to help someone out, but I can't think of another possible reason not to set it up in advance. They may feel they're not "close" enough with me to ask the favor, so they let the kid do it instead? It's just weird. the whole thing is just weird.
THEY'RE YOUR KIDS TAKE CARE OF THEM!!!!
7 comments:
next party or event call ahead of time and ask all those parents if they mind taking a turn with the "carpool" since you did it last time.... good luck do gooder!!
you sound like my mother. you guys must be related. oh. that's right. you are.
"you find somebody to take you home"
"Didn't have to wait up"??
At 11 pm! On a holiday eve! What kind of losers do you live near?(Or out of the way, slightly, from)?
Sometimes the opposite problem occurs. My daughter went with some neighbors of my in laws (we were visiting the midwest) to a party, they are friends from many other visits, they were going to be picked up by the neighbor/friends' aunt.around the time she was to be home she called me to ask me to come pick her up or she said she would ask a relative she met there if she could go with her (hmm I suppose its a good thing it wasn't FBB's daugher). When I arrived I learned that the "friend" had somehow "forgot" to ask her aunt to take my daughter home and she either did't have the room or the inclination to do so. So the friend informed my daughter, who was visiting from over 600 miles and knew almost no one at the party that her "aunt can't take you. Sorry"
tried to answer before and could not get thru. I don't think the people who ask for these rides really care what anyone thinks because if you say no they will find another person. So that means you are upset with yourself for falling prey to an unfair request that puts you in an uncomfortable position vis a vis your own sense of doing what is right and how you teach your children - so that you cannot say no if you wanted to , and feeling you have no choice when presented with such a request by your own child or even the other parents child. Actually if they have the temerity to thrust their kids on another persons good nature (i THINK NO LIGHTS MEANS THEY WERE NOT HOME EVEN WORSE)then you could say it does not work out for you. B"H your kids know you could not leave someone stranded. Next time try it you'll probably feel great and awful and guilty all at the same time.
First of all I agree with you that the reason these people do not call in advance to arrange it is that they do not want to feel beholden and this way if they don't "know" who brought their child home they never have to return the favor. However I do want to point out that as my daughter is getting older she will often say to me don't worry I will get a ride because she does not want me to pick her up at the "official" end time so she will wait and see if someone else can bring her home later instead. I will say that if I do agree to that, I always tell her to call me if she does need to be picked up (at which point I am usually the one driving other kids home). Often she will get a ride home with an older girl who can drive and is at the party. (Yes, I know that is an entire other blog.) There are however, some parents who never seem able to get out to pick up their own kids so the kids learn very quickly that it is easier to arrange their own rides than to have to rely on their parents (who may or may not show up within the hour).But since you are going to do it anyway you may as well see it as an opportunity for Chessed that just fell into your lap! Lucky you.
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