Some Other Swell Ideas Brought To You by the Defense Department

Yesterday there was quite a scare in lower Manhattan. Someone in the Defense Department decided that they needed new pictures of Air Force One. The old pictures have the Grand Canyon as a backdrop, but now they wanted a shot with Lady Liberty. How, you may ask, in this age of computer generated photos, does one achieve such a feat? Simple. Send a duplicate Air Force One with a military escort to Lower Manhattan at ten o'clock in the morning, and have the 747 fly circular patterns around the Statue, New Jersey and New York, close enough to rattle windows and nerves.

So, because it's doubtful that there will be advanced warning to the municipalities involved, here is a very short list of some of the non essential military exercises to be executed by the Federal Government in the near future:

1. In order to combat bad publicity that the TSA receives at airports, it's most widely known area of operation, there will be a series of photo ops to show the public what else they do. The first series will showcase the trucking industry. Trucks driven by men in paramilitary gear will be parked in front of federal buildings throughout Oklahoma.

2. To show the softer side of the US Army there will be a photo op in Northern California this summer. To achieve the look the Army is trying to convey, they will light the world's biggest bon fire, one that can be seen for 100's of miles, and invite boy scout troops from all over the state to attend.

3. Highlighting a brand new initiative to popularize nuclear energy, the Department of Energy will unveil National Nuclear Power Day in early September, and simultaneously sound alarms at nuclear power plants in all 31 states that have them.

These are just a few of the planned activities. Just wanted to give you a heads up.