The Case of the Missing Post Numbers: Episode 2, "The Real Story"

I must begin this post by apologizing for my previous post, which attempted to attribute the loss of our post counter to the demise of our auditing firm.

Unfortunately, that story is not true.

In retrospect, it's not even plausible.

In posting that story, I've not only been untruthful to our readers, I've also insulted the collective intelligence of IcebergCarwash Nation (What? Do you need to be from Boston and be totally insufferable to have a "Nation?" I think not).
There's no way that anyone who takes the time to read this blog would fall for such a silly story.

For that, I am truly sorry.

Now here's the real story behind our missing post numbers:

It's actually just a matter of mark-to-market accounting.

I'll explain (whether you like it or not).

Historically, blog posts were counted on a book value basis. If you added 20 posts in a month, you get credit for 20 posts. Simple.

However, the Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB, pronounced "Fazbee" by cool accounting types) now requires blogs to use the mark-to-market approach to count posts. In other words, it doesn't matter how many posts you've added. The real question is, how many posts remain relevant and/or marketable in today's market environment?

Using this approach, it was determined that the vast majority of our posts are worth a lot less today than when they were written. This is particularly true of any complimentary posts I wrote about the Minnesota Vikings (or the New York Yankees, who seem determined to spend the next 6 months ooh-ing and ah-ing about their ridiculous new stadium, instead of concentrating on, oh, I don't know, maybe, winning?!).

The problem is, in the absence of an orderly secondary market for blog posts, it is difficult to determine the value of the posts, or how many posts we've actually written.

After working this through with our accounting department and our auditors, we've come to the following conclusions, based upon current mark-to-market accounting rules:

(1) We haven't written a single post. This is why the post numbers have been removed.

(2) Since its inception in September 2008, IcebergCarwash has lost $25 billion.


While FBB and I are certainly not proud of this loss, we are convinced that we can turn things around.

For just a small retention bonus, we will see this thing through.

Now, you're probably wondering why it is still possible to read prior posts on this blog, if accounting rules dictate that they do not even exist.

Good question.

The truth is that these posts are to be considered "toxic."

Luckily, help is on the way, in the form of beneficial government intervention.

Paraphrasing Treasury Secretary Geithner,

"General conditions cannot improve until we address the vast inventory of toxic posts currently sitting on the world's blogs."

We're hopeful that the federal government will take some -if not all- of these blogs off our hands.

Meanwhile, FASB has also provided some hope, with their announcement last week of plans to relax the requirements of mark-to-market accounting. Under the new rules, we'd be able to value and count our posts based upon "normal and orderly" market conditions. (Like if the Yankees were winning World Series titles, as per long-standing divine mandate).

At this point, we're not certain what impact it will have on our post numbers, but hopefully, things will work out.


So there you have it. The REAL story.



(Or is it?)