Eastern (Mental) Bloc

By now, just about everyone has heard about CDOs (Collateralized Debt Obligations), CLOs (Collateralized Loan Obligations) and CDSs (Credit Default Swaps), and the negative impact they've had on the balance sheets of all sorts of financial institutions.

However, while these "toxic assets" are household names, there is another, insidious acronym lurking out there, which is far less well-known.

The evil item in question is what I'll refer to as a "CSO," or "Comedic Sensory Overload."

Not surprisingly, as with CDOs, CLOs and CDSs, it reared its ugly head while I was listening to Bloomberg radio, an all-business news station owned by FBB's favorite mayor. One morning this week, as I was listening to the station on my way to work, I heard the following: "...And we've got some breaking news coming over the wire. The Hungarian Central Bank has decided to leave interest rates unchanged."

My first thought upon hearing this "breaking news" was, "Hungary has a central bank?"

I then spent the next five minutes announcing, to no one in particular, in my best sing-song Hungarian accent, "These rates are verrry nice. We do not want to change them. We want the interest rates to always look the same, so we will put plastic covers on them."

Funny stuff, indeed.

The next day, however, another news flash got me into some trouble.

The same announcer said, "We've just received word that the National Bank of Poland has cut its benchmark interest rate by 25 basis points."

Within nanoseconds, it seemed as though every synapse in my brain began to fire. I opened my mouth to utter some snarky witticism (again, to no one in particular), and...nothing.

Not. A. Thing.

The problem was that I had too many funny thoughts hitting me at the same time, and they canceled each other out.

This, my friends, is a textbook case of CSO.

Much to my chagrin, this is not a short-term condition.

Even now, many hours later, I am simply incapable of summoning any humorous thoughts about the Polish "Fed" cutting interest rates. I even read the official press release...and it made complete sense. I found myself thinking, "Of course they lowered rates, considering the decline in industrial production in the fourth quarter."

What kind of nasty condition is this which robs a man of the ability to make fun of the Polish Central Bank?

For now, I'll just have to move on, and focus my thoughts relating to Eastern European Central Banks on the Hungarians.

The Central Bank of Hungary, you say?

They must have one heck of a chandelier in the lobby of that building.