The Prize Ceremony

For those of you who couldn't join us for the prize ceremony, in which we awarded the Winner of our First Annual IcebergCarwash Stock Market Prediction Contest, we provide this picture:




Next year this can be you!!!

And The Winner Is...

The S&P 500 Index closed the year at 1115.10, 23.5% higher than its closing price at the end of 2008. While on the surface that seems like a good performance, consider that the S&P 500 is still 24% below its year-end 2007 level, and nearly 30% below its late 2007 peak. It was an extremely volatile year, considering that the Index ranged from a low of 666.79 in March, to the recent high of 1130.38. The stock market's rally off of the March lows has been nothing short of extraordinary, and doesn't seem to be entirely supported by the fundamentals. I'd have to think that we'll see a correction (defined - for our purposes - as a 10% decline from a peak) sometime during the first quarter of 2010. However, in a larger sense, given the more stable nature of recent corporate earnings (fueled almost entirely by cost-cutting efforts) and the persistent, extremely low level of interest rates and bond yields, stocks do not seem to be that badly overpriced.

Now that we have a final 2009 reading on the U.S. stock market, we can officially determine the winner of The First Annual IcebergCarwash Stock Market Prediction Contest.

Here were the entries, showing both the projected closing level of the S&P 500 Index, as well as the projected return:

MBB 1034.00 (projected 2009 return of 14.5%)
Wolfman (1) 1625.00 (79.9%)
Wolfman (2) 434.00 (-52.0%)
firstpob_moo 1100.00 (21.8%)
Doobie 1489.00 (64.8%)
fil 519.00 (-42.5%)

As you can see, the winner is firstpob_moo, with a prediction that came within only 2% of the actual result. As they say in the South, "that's some fancy predictin'."

As the winner of the contest, firstpob_moo will be presented with the prize we revealed in the previous post, also known as "The T-Shirt of Knowledge and Coolness."

Thank you to all of our contestants. Predictions aside, when the stock market goes up, we all win. Unless, of course, you shorted the market. In which case, the SEC believes you are behind the current economic malaise. So, congratulations for being the root of all financial evil. (Everybody wins at IcebergCarwash).

As a reminder, it's not too late to join the 2010 contest. Just go to this post, and enter your prediction in the comments section. Entries must be received before 9:30AM EDT on Monday, January 4, 2010.

The Crystal Ball Convention

With only three trading days left in 2009, it's time for our highly-anticipated contest:

The 2nd Annual IcebergCarwash Stock Market Prediction Contest.

In introducing the contest a year ago, we indicated that the winner of the contest would win a "prize." Surely, our legion of readers scoffed at this notion. However, thanks to the efforts of FBB, IcebergCarwash's Chief Provisioning Officer (CPO), we have a very nice prize indeed, which will be awarded to the winner of the 2009 contest in just a few days.



Of course, there's no guarantee that the winner of the 2010 edition of the contest will receive anything as cool as the 2009 prize, but we will try to scrounge up something neat.

Especially if I win.

The contest rules are simple. Using the comments section of this post, tell us where you think the S&P 500 Index will be at the end of 2010. For reference, the S&P 500 closed today at 1127.78. The person whose prediction for the closing level of the index comes closest to the actual year-end result will win the contest.

Predictions may be submitted up until the stock market opens for business in 2010, at 9:30AM EDT on Monday, January 4, 2010. There is no charge for entering the contest.

Charity Begins At Home

This is not to say that one should not help others. But money is finite. And yes, it is wonderful that there are great institutions all over the country promoting religious life, and generally keeping the flame alive.

However, pretty much all of us live near our own institutions. They might not be household names all over the world, and they may not "help" get our kids married if it ever comes out that we support them, but they need us.

The organizations that feed and clothe the poor, help the sick, educate children with disabilities, run volunteer ambulance services, and also just plain old schools in our neighborhoods need immediate attention.

They may not be a marquee names, but they deserve top billing on our charity ledgers.

A Paler Shade of MBB

As the health care bill nears the vote which could make it law, I'm sure that this and other blogs will have plenty to say about it.

For now, I'd just like to point out one lesser-known provision of the current iteration of the bill.

In order to help raise the revenues needed to fund this massive bill, visits to tanning salons will be subject to a 10% tax.

On the surface, this seems innocuous, but I've got a real problem with it.

As those who know me are aware, I'm a very light-skinned individual, even by general Caucasian standards. A graduate school classmate of mine once referred to me as "the whitest man I've ever seen."

My pigmentation is such that when I am exposed to the sun for prolonged periods of time, I tend to burn, not tan. This fact was driven home one day several years ago, when I went to an amusement park on a very sunny, late-April day with FBB and the kids, and came home with my head looking like an overripe tomato.

So, if I were to decide to get a nice, golden tan, I'd have no viable option other than to visit one of the 20,000 tanning salons currently operating in the United States (approximately 17,000 of which are located in New Jersey). Now, however, my to-tan-or-not-to-tan decision will be further clouded by the prospect of paying a 10% tax, in which case I'd probably decide to remain pale.

I never dreamed that in 2009, in "post-racial" America, I'd be discriminated against due to the color of my skin.

Wheeee!

So my very generous and lovely in-laws got my kids a Wii for Chanukah. (I personally don't do the gift thing, but I can't get others to share my sentiment). Since it's Chanukah, there's no homework, and the kids don't so much learning on the days they have school, so they've been in the basement using the Wii. I see them at mal time, candle lighting time, and when I finally send them to bed.

Hmmm, maybe we should have gotten one sooner.

So, I met a friend of mine the other day and she asked what we did on vacation. I told her my kids got a Wii on Sunday, so on Monday we went to buy a TV to play it on.

My friend (MF)asked me (FBB): "why didn't you just get a Wii screen?

FBB: "What IS that?"

MF: I don't know, my neighbor went to Costco and got a Wii screen

FBB (smiling): Yeah, it's called a TV.

MF: Really? it's big and flat?

FBB: Yup!

So I have a Wii with a neighborhood approved Wii Screen (patent pending).

Just don't tell Vizio.

Don't Worry, It Won't Become a Habit

Really.

Even though I am about to relate a Cheese Eater story (though it's time for a new moniker, her cheese consumption has dropped, like a ball through Braylon Edwards hands!!), I will try not to do this regularly.

I was just so taken by the way language is perceived by those who are new to it.

I was lifting her out of a shopping cart to put her in the car, and she hooked one arm around my neck. She then informed me:

"I am not holding you too tight. I am holding you One tight, because I am holding my gum."

The Copenhagen Solution

Rejoice, my fellow humans!

Soon, our parched lips will be moistened by a life-affirming sip from our Cup of Salvation!

In other words, the United Nations' Climate Change Conference has begun in Copenhagen, Denmark.

Surely, you've heard about this Conference, a gathering of our most brilliant minds, who will set out to cure our planet's sundry ills. A veritable intellectual smorgasbord, featuring politicians, "scientists," and bored elitists, who primarily define "human suffering" as instances when the Chianti is not chilled to the proper temperature.

Oh, the thrill of sharing a scientific classification with such Superhumans!

Without question, the delegates to this conference have plenty of items on their agenda. They need to fix the Planet, properly blame and punish Man, fetch a cocktail or three, and get to the buffet before the line gets too long. Just typing that last sentence tired me out. I can't imagine actually doing all of that work.

However, I need to add to your already-ambitious agenda, oh Protectors of the Planet. As many have said, this conference represents humankind's last chance. As such, I need to add the following items, representing my personal environmental concerns, to the list of Problems for which you must find Solutions.

(1) I've lived in my current home for nearly 11 years, and there are still significantly-sized bald patches in my front lawn. If you people can figure out how to make grass grow in those areas, I'd be much obliged.

(2) In addition, from time to time, I find empty soda cans or food wrappers on my front lawn. This angers me greatly, and I often think violent thoughts, until I remember than I'm a post-confrontational neo-pacifist. Got any ideas? I was thinking of proposing the eradication of the human race, but that seems so bourgeoisie.

(3) I'm not sure how this happened, but over the past several months, my bedroom closet has become embarrassingly cluttered. It's a bit of an eyesore. Do you have someone who could assist me with this?

(4) I'm having a devil of a time removing any oil-based stains from my cotton shirts. Any pointers?

(5) I've been hearing about the rapidly disappearing polar ice cap, and to be honest, perhaps I haven't taken it seriously enough. Well now, the issue is hitting closer to home. For the past three days, the ice dispenser on the soda fountain at the local 7-11 has been out of order. That's right, Bjorn, I said THREE DAYS. The soda is still cold, but not cold enough. I can certainly tell the difference. Unlike the "climate change" you're trying to stop, the change in soda temperature is statistically significant, and there's a clearly established causal relationship between the broken ice dispenser and the lower soda temperature. Simply put, SODA WARMING IS THE SINGLE GREATEST THREAT FACING MANKIND TODAY. Or at least, me. How about sending someone over with a socket wrench to fix that thing, pronto?

Oh, and don't forget to bring me some Danish.

Empty

There are often stories in the news about public figures with very private failings. The 24 hour news cycles and internet beast not only circulate stories, but fan the flames to ensure a juicy one stays alive for more ratings days, and more website hits.

Invariably, there will be stories and hand wringing discussions about role models, and failures, and disappointments. The problem is the pedestal that was original created for the man who has athletic prowess, or the woman who acts or sings well. At what point was it decided that "public figure" equals "role model?" In this culture of celebrity, you only need to be well known to be considered an authority by those who cynically will put you on the air to pad their own pockets by improving ratings, thus beginning a cycle in which you start to be taken semi-seriously, when in reality there is not there, there.

When will people learn.

Celebrities and athletes need to be seen as a diversion, an entertainment, and we need to find role models among people we really know, whose flaws are obvious. Why do people really still think they know celebrities, and why do they assume that a "very private" celebrity is one they know anything about? Celebrities will always disappoint since so much of their lives is unknown to most people, it's bound to end up not being what the "fans" want or expect.

I don't think role models should be perfect, if they were there would be no hope for us "mere mortals," but with celebrities we will always be blindsided by their shortcomings, because we never seem to expect or notice then until they blow up.

Real life people disappoint as well, but generally speaking when we look up to someone, we know where their shortcomings are, and though things will upset us when done by those we admire and trust, there's a history of behaviors and interactions that counteract the slips.

I'd venture to say the culture of celebrity has seeped so firmly into societal norms that no community is immune. In a community where there aren't "typical" celebrities, the wealthy take on that role, or perhaps it is foisted upon them. People talk about them, discuss their lives, mention encounters. There's no money spilling out of their pockets, so what makes them so interesting? What makes people NEED to name drop? Celebrity status. If a person davens with a wealthy guy he is that much closer to the wealthy man's celebrity, and celebrity seems to be what everybody wants.

Sad.

Do Whats You Gotta Do

This week I had parent teacher conferences for both the younger kids (1st, 4th, 7th) and the next night, the older kids (9th and 10th), and I noticed something.

Some parents just don't like to go to conferences. They just don't have the patience to wait on lines, and sit with the person or people who spend the majority of the day/week year with their kids, for even 3 minutes.

Now I understand that if a kid is a behavior problem or has issues of any kind you may not want to go and be inundated with abuse (especially at the departmental level), but I'm talking about other parents.

Parents of good kids, good students, who will skip teachers or set a stop time to leave no matter how many teachers they miss. Come on, it's a few nights a year, they're your kids, and generally it means a lot to them to have their "worlds collide,"as teacher and parent sit down to talk.

There was one mother on line in high school who announced that she told her kid, "pick one teacher, and that's all I'll go see." The mother was annoyed that the teacher her daughter picked was the one with the longest line. But, she was only seeing one teacher. Though this woman was reallly complaining. I know the kid, she's a good student, no issues. Granted, the mother may have a large family and be busy, but, and I know I don't know all the facts, just spend a little time with this.

Maybe I'm deluding myself. Maybe it makes no difference to the teachers, principals or kids. Well, then I got a night out seeing lots of other parents I know, and free soda to boot.

Did You Press That Button?

Is there a worse feeling in the world, then going to use a public restroom, or a restroom in someone else's home and worrying that the door won't lock?

It is possible that most normal people do not suffer from this fear, but I do. Especially in a house where there are lots of small children. It's like my Grandmother's joke about the guy who goes to visit his friend, and they sit down to dinner. When it's time for soup, the guest is served and the dog keeps staring at him. Finally, he can take it no longer. He asks his friend why the dog is staring at him. the reply: "because you're eating from his bowl."

Granted, this is not my type of humor, though it was part of my Grandmother's repertoire, so having heard it many, many times it stuck with me. The kids are like the dog, the bathroom the supper dish. You never know when they're going to want what is rightfully theirs.

So, when frequenting these restrooms, I make it my business to lock the door and then double check it. It makes me feel better and more secure.

I am thwarted however, by those push button locks that open when you turn the knob. There is no way to check that the door is actually locked! Who invented this? Really, whose great idea was this? Are there really so many people getting locked in rooms that it was necessary to put this fail safe method on? Because, no you won't get locked in, but you don't even know if you're locked at all!!

So to those of you changing doorknobs, or building new rooms, changing doors, or anything that gives you the opportunity to be in the market for a new doorknob, do not choose this one. No matter how strongly it is suggested. All other locks can be opened from the outside with the right tool, and in a real emergency you can just slam down the door.

Please, we are crazies are people too.

I Really Had a SUPER Time....

I went to my first professional football game on Sunday. I've been to sporting events before, baseball and hockey specifically, and a few minor league baseball games too.

We'll put the minor league game aside, because that's a different category in terms of who are the targeted ticket holders, and how much money the enterprise is trying to make.

A football game is a spectacle from start to finish. Likely owing to the fact that there are a grand total of 8 homes games a year, maybe two more if the team is really, really good. (another argument against municipalities ponying up that much public money to fund buildings for for profit enterprises that sit empty a good part of the year, though some are used for local non professional sports). It probably has a lot to do with all the unnatural breaks in the game that are for TV timeouts, also known as commercial time.

I think I know the real reason. The last thing you want is a building packed with anywhere between 50,000 and 80,000 people, three quarters of whom are three sheets to the wind before they step through the door, bored. Even for a minute.

So from the moment you sit in your seat, until the last fan has staggered from the peanut shell, plastic cup, bottle, chili dog holder strewn stadium there isn't a quiet moment.

For years I've been a fan of Phil Mushnick, who highlights the problems with televised sports. An old crank, some say. One of his pet peeves is when the TV cameras seek out the fans acting the most boorish to be highlighted during those times on TV when time must be filled (or when stupid networks think that people who are watching a game on TV are interested in being taken away from the field of play to see these obnoxious fans). His point is often that obnoxious drunken behavior is being rewarded. It's true. As soon as the people next to us saw the camera guy they started screaming and shouting and just being annoying.

Keep in mind, we had great seats. Front row, 50 yard line behind the home team bench. You'd think tickets like that would somewhat protect you from the truly drunk fans. You'd be wrong. I had the pleasure of spending the first twelve minutes of the game with two empty seats between me and the woman in the next seat. She moved over after a few minutes and we were talking between plays (obviously, this wasn't NY). After a little while, the rightful seat owners arrived, each carrying a large plastic cup (20-24 oz at least) of beer. They were young. Early to mid twenties, and friendly. As the game wore on she became a lot friendlier to me, and spent most of the second half (after two more bottles of beer and another large cup)facing away from the field, alternately sitting on the railing to the field, and half on my lap. I was kind of hoping she'd fall over the railing, but that didn't happen. She was a nice person, but I just didn't have the patience to deal with her giggling questions about why the police men don't hem their pants, since it would look so much nicer. Her boyfriend was not next to me, but we were all treated to his predictions of touchdowns, often by players who were not actually on the field right then.

Don't get me wrong, I had a great time. It was fun to experience it, especially with MBB, and especially because the Vikings won. But the drinking is out of control. When we showed up at the stadium a 11:20 in the morning (the game started at noon), there were crowds of people standing around drinking. According to the website, no beer is sold starting at the start of the third quarter, but my seatmates got more beer in the late third quarter and I saw people with fresh cups in the fourth.

Granted it did not seem that anything to horrific happened, but that was not the case in 1999 when a man driving home from a NY Giants football game paralyzed a two year old girl when his car smashed into the one she was riding in. He had been drinking before the game, and at the game he gave the concession guy a $10 bribe to sell him six cups of beer at one time. The limit is two. 5-5, 150-pound man, he had had about 16 beers that day, and his blood-alcohol level was .266, nearly three times the legal limit. He was so incoherent at the time of the accident he could not stand up straight, or recite the alphabet, the police report states.

He went to jail for five years, and the family sued the Medowlands, the Giants and Aramark, the concession company. They won a $135 million judgment against Aramark. The others settled with the family. The judgment was overturned in 2007, the three judge panel did not feel "the culture of intoxication" evidence that the girl's lawyer presented should have been admitted.

In 2008 Aramark settled for $26 million. I think that if you asked most fans if there was a "culture of intoxication" at football games, I think thy would say yes. I know I only went to one game, and I don't know why it's worse at these games (versus Hockey or baseball), but it may go back to the few times a year thing. In this age of computers, and the price of beer at a stadium marked up as high as it is, I can't see why a fan can't be given a card when he walks into the stadium, or when he buys his tickets. One card, if you lose it too bad. You get to swipe it twice, after that you're cut off. If another fan gives him his card, so be it, but generally it would keep a control on alcohol consumed.

The game was fun to be at, it was an amazing weekend, I just can't believe that this goes on on a regular basis in 16 cities every week.

Sign Of NOT the Times

We were away this weekend, and when we went to return the rental car and walk to the terminal, there was a very helpful reminder sign. I guess after years of finding important items left in rental cars, the companies figured out which were both the most important and most commonly left personal items in rental cars.

Here's the sign:

(click picture to see the sign bigger)

So remember your backpack,money, glasses,keys, camera and PHONE FROM 1997.

Sneaky

This week President Obama visited the Far East. One of his stops was to the Land of The Rising Sun, also known as Japan, or the Land of $8 Tomatoes, depending on your perspective.

While in that country he met with the Emperor and his wife, and bowed to them. Why? why would he do this? Simple. To get people off his back for bowing to the King of Saudi Arabia. After the brouhaha that erupted over his inappropriate display of deference to a foreign leaders the White House advisors had a confab.

They decided to bide their time. He couldn't "learn his lesson," and stop bowing to foreign monarchs after he bowed to King Saud, that would leave him with a legacy of only bowing to a Muslim King. So he had to wait. And wait. And bide his time until he met with another foreign Monarch to "make a protocol mistake" upon meeting.

So now he's bowed to two kings (though I don't think he bowed to Queen Elizabeth when he met her...I'd say cuz we kinda beat them in a war, but we beat japan too, so to keep my theory alive, I'll say he's sexist too!), and he can stop.

He will no longer be the President who bowed to the A-rab only.

Very clever.

Is That Necessary?

I was sitting in front of the computer, glancing at a bottle of Isopropyl Rubbing Alcohol 70% that one of my kids left here on the desk. After thinking how I'd best bring that upstairs lest the Cheese Eater, God Forbid, mistake it for something edible (Kitty Dukakis not withstanding), I noticed something else.

An OU on the label.

Really?

...No, It Isn't

When I wrote my last post, I had a feeling that it could potentially unleash a torrent of negative reaction.

However, I assumed that such sentiment would be spewed forth by one of those "gold bugs," offended that I so much as implied that the price of gold had risen to irrational heights. You know the type, don't you? The type of person who still rails about the fact that we moved off of the gold standard, who has correctly predicted 12 out of the last five recessions, and who refuses to even visit California, because he's convinced that the next "big one" is coming any minute now, and will plunge the entire Golden State into the Pacific Ocean.

Interestingly, I've not yet heard from those quarters. Instead, it appears that FBB is offended by the idea that I prefer to obtain my pastry from a professional purveyor of such edibles, rather than a homemade version.

I'd like to set that record straight, on several points:

* I think that FBB is an excellent bakestress. I enjoy her pastry very much, both for its taste, and for the significant effort that she obviously invests in its preparation.
* In general, I hold FBB in high regard, as evidenced by the fact that I've given her a score of above 50 for 16 consecutive years in the annual Wife Survey, which is administered by the Institute for the Advancement of Men (IAM). To give you an idea of what that means, bear in mind that a score of 50 equates with "average." So as you can see I've rated FBB "above average" for 16 consecutive years. I have no doubt that she is as proud of that impressive streak as I am.
(In case you were wondering about why there's a need for the Institute for the Advancement of Men, consider the following: Not only do women have a higher life expectancy than men, but that life expectancy gap is widening. The conspiracy against men, so obvious to anyone who simply pays attention to the world around him/her, continues in full force. To our male readers, here's a tip. The next time a female complains about the glass ceiling, be sure to mention the six-foot-thick dirt ceiling).
* When we're at someone else's house, and I'm served a good piece of cake, and upon tasting it I declare, "Wow, this tastes like store-bought cake!" I'm being nice, not rude.
* In general, a disagreement cannot be referred to as "one of the great arguments of our marriage" unless there's a restraining order involved. Or, at least one situation where I'm asked politely by a police officer to come out of the house for a "discussion," and I step outside wearing a tobacco juice-stained sleeveless undershirt (that's a crime right there), and say "she done started it, officer," and answer his follow-up question with "No, I ain't been drinkin' since...before."

However, I'm man enough to admit when my opinions are not in line with the mainstream, and to adjust to that reality, as needed.

Therefore, for any of you who accept the wager I discussed in my previous post (where I bet that the price of gold would be lower than $1,100.00 per ounce on May 9, 2010), and win, FBB will be happy to bake you a cupcake.

And, as FBB mentioned, I'm open-minded enough that I'm willing to accept baked goods from anyone who believes that he or she could change my opinion on the matter.

It's an Honor Thing

I feel I must defend myself.

In the process I bring to light one of the great arguments of our marriage.

I am a good baker. It may not look perfect, but it always tastes really good.

Every time MBB says "I prefer bakery confections," I tell him that comes across as insulting and he always counters with:

"I believe in leaving certain things to professionals, they are professional, how can it NOT be better. Like a mechanic or a painter."

To that I would ask: are taxi drivers better drivers because they are professionals?

If an advertising agency would pay me to drive does that make me "a professional driver," and allow me to use the ubiquitous small print "closed course?"

How does putting out a shingle to sell your wares or services automatically make it better? You can always get a sucker to but something....

So in my own defense, I believe that MBB, being a numbers person, really believes that the bakery must be better, because logically, they are the professionals, and it would stand to reason, that they are better at it. Now you know what I think of that....

Anyone who would like to change his mind is welcome to send us their homemade pastries.

The Golden Bubble

Things have now gotten completely out of hand, and I've got to say something publicly about it. I must go on-record.

(In case you were wondering, it's me, MBB, despite that very FBB-esque opening salvo).

I believe that yet another great financial bubble is building, and is sure to burst in short order.

The mispriced item in question is gold, which as of this morning was trading at a price of $1,100.00 per ounce. That price represents about a 50% increase since the beginning of 2009, and puts the precious metal's per-ounce price roughly on par with that of shoulder pastrami at a certain local deli/take-out place.

It's odd to me that gold has risen to such a price level, in the absence of any scarcity assumptions, or an increase in production costs.

Why is this happening? Who is bidding up the price of gold to these ridiculous levels?

* Investors who are betting on continued weakness in the U.S. Dollar? (Gold and the dollar tend to trade in opposite directions).

* People who are convinced that the current recession will worsen, and are seeking gold's traditional safe-haven characteristics?

* People who believe that the economy will rebound soon, with great momentum, thereby spurring a rebound in the purchase of luxury items, such as gold jewelry?

* Investors - both individual and professional - who are uncertain about the stock market, and want to increase their exposure to gold as a hedge to their stock portfolio? (Stock returns and gold prices tend to be negatively correlated over time...or so they say. I'm too lazy to look this up, and this blog doesn't make enough money yet to allow me to hire a researcher).

* People who run closed-end commodity funds, which allow the average Joe to get in on the action?

Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes.

They're all buying gold...and they're all wrong.

Six months from now, gold will be cheaper than it is today. One year from now, it'll be cheaper still.

I'm so convinced that I'm right about this that I'm willing to put my money where my mouth is.

No, I'm not going to short gold. I don't have that kind of gumption.

Rather, I'm willing to bet any of our readers that gold will be below $1,100.00 per ounce in six months, on May 9, 2010.
I will wager one cupcake with each person who takes this bet. The cupcake in question can be made of either white or chocolate cake, but must have some sort of cream filling, and cream on top. Sprinkles are optional. The cupcake can be homemade, although my strong preference is that is be purchased from a bakery of some sort. (I believe in leaving certain things to professionals, like auto repair and pastry preparation).

In order to accept this bet, please use the comments section.

This crazy gold bubble is about to burst, and when it does, it'll be delicious.

Miss Congeniality?

According to a story in the British newspapers, Rachel Christie, the reigning Miss England, has relinquished her crown after getting into a fight in a bar in Manchester. Perhaps more surprising was the fact that her opponent in the fight was another beauty queen, Miss Manchester, Sara Beverly Jones.

What I can't understand is why not one, but two, beauty pageant contestants would risk damaging their appearances, even temporarily, in an altercation.

Considering that the fight took place at a bar, I'd have to assume that the combatants' judgment was impaired at least somewhat by alcohol.

Or, perhaps they both realized that England is one of the few countries in the world where someone could have her front teeth knocked out in a fight, and still win the beauty pageant.

Theeeeeeeee Yankees Win!

Perhaps now, the process of healing our downtrodden nation can begin.

Last night, the New York Yankees won their 27th baseball World Championship, beating the Philadelphia Phillies by a 7-3 score in Game 6.

The Yankees are World Champions. In other words, all is right and normal with the world.

It had been nine years since the Yankees last won the World Series. For most teams, that's not a big deal. For the franchise with more championships than any other across all of the major sports in North America, a nine-year drought is cause for concern.

Consider what has happened since the Yankees prior World Series victory:

* 9/11
* The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan
* Gasoline prices have more than doubled
* We entered the worst economic downturn since the Great Depression
* Barack Obama was elected president

On October 26, 2000, when the Yankees won the World Series, the S&P 500 closed at 1364.44. Yesterday, it closed at 1046.50. That's a 23% decline, over nine years. Interestingly, the S&P was up almost 2% today. Of course, all of the market "experts" will attribute the rise to lower first-time unemployment claims, decent retail sales figures, and so on.

We know the real reason.

The stock market was simply reacting to the Yankees' victory.Investors were reassured by the sight of the Yankees taking their rightful place at baseball's pinnacle, for the first time since before any of us had even heard of a "hanging Chad."

For the first time in a long time, the world makes sense, and America, like the Yankees, is poised to once again rise to the top.

Where we belong.

Out with The Old...

A few months ago the local mall removed a beautiful antique carousel and replaced it with something new. Now I understand the need for change, and sometimes things really need to be upgraded and updated, despite the nostalgic feelings they invoke.

Today I was in the mall, and I told Cheese Eater she could go on the carousel. The new carousel is a two tiered carousel,venetian style, and it is not intuitive as to which horses go up and down. Not wanting to disappoint the little one I asked the guy (yes, American, so it wasn't a language issue), and he said: "the one with boxes around the base go up and down." So I put her on that one. I looked around at the other horses and noticed that all were on a rocking mechanism, and the ones with boxes, had, well, a box attached to the edge of that mechanism. I looked up and noticed that the horse she was on (the boxed base type) didn't seem to have a pole, so I wasn't exactly sure how it would go up and down. I asked the guy again, if THIS horse (the one she was on), would go up and down and AGAIN he said yes. This carousel is so tall that it's hard to really see what's going on at the top of each pole, but it had a box! at the base, so I figured it must do something, since I was asking and he kept telling me it went up and down.

So the ride starts, and her horse rears back, and moves forward, and she's scared. The horse next to us, the one that actually HAS a pole, is sloooowly moving up and down. So I quickly move her to the other horse, and wait for the carousel to speed up. And wait, and wait, and wait. This thing is so garsh darned slow, I think I'm going to lose my mind. I paid two bucks, for what amounted to a ride no better than the rides you put quarter into (who am I kidding, they're all fifty cents!) outside the supermarket.

Maybe if they had built a booth for an attendant and actually staffed said booth while the antique carousel was there, they wouldn't have had to change carousels. Taking a look at the website of the new carousel company I can see that it is about the marketing and and management of this carousel that the mall management is probably attracted to.

So to sum up: They took a beautiful, intricate carousel from 1907 with four rows and 54 Jumping Horses....






...and replaced it with a double decker carousel with 19 rocking horses, 9 of which are motorized to give riders the sensation of a gentle gallop
- 4 traditional horses on poles that go up and down
- 2 spinning teacups
- 4 dolphin gondolas that sway back and forth
- 2 swings
- 6 stationary benches
- 2 stairways to the upper deck

Essentially this should be great, better even, but it's not. It looks inviting, and it is, but it's disappointing.



Somethings are just better left alone.

Reverse The Trend

Which came first the chicken or the egg?

An age old question (which to be honest, not one I've ever felt intellectually strong enough to tackle, or even the need to ponder), but put more contemporarily:

Which came first, the cell phone or the rudeness?

Yesterday, I went to do my civic duty (which in the local election amounts to me spitting in the wind, the guy in charge will stay in charge til the day they bury him). While returning to my car and placing the Cheese Eater in her car seat a woman I know pulled up next to me. Not a twenty year old, a forty something woman with grown kids, someone I have known my whole life. She got out of her car, came around to say hi, and started asking me questions about who to vote for. As I was answering she got a phone call. Without so much as "excuse me," she picked up the phone, said hello, and started to walk away. She eventually turned and yelled "Bye," over her shoulder, but I was flabbergasted.

It's really not just the phone either, I was having a conversation with someone about something I will admit, not too exciting, and in the middle of talking about it (not opinion, facts about the new deposit rules on water bottles in ny)she effectively ended the conversation with "whatever." While I was speaking.

Here's a possible solution. Everyone reading his blog, take an opportunity when your phone rings in public, or you get a text, NOT TO ANSWER IT. Once a day. Just try. Don't be on the phone when you walk into a store. Don't be on the phone when at the check out counter, when having a conversation with someone don't whip out your phone to check your email or text messages. I can't say I've never done these things, but find a way, one day at a time, to limit the control the phone has on your attention.

I believe civility may return if we do.

Just Drive

We live near a fairly busy intersection, about a block away. Recently, the local Highway Department has taken to calling residents (an automated message) who live in close proximity to pending roadwork, and warn them of expected delays. I got that call about three weeks ago. Two weeks ago they came and dug up and scraped the east-west portion of the intersection.

And then they left. We received no phone call alerting us to the carnage they left behind; a three inch "bump" when traveling the north-south portion of the intersection. Because of the work they haven't finished, the roads don't match, and the pavement and the manhole covers and water line covers are jutting out. But it's the unaligned roads that are causing the problem. The light turns green, and the cars slowly inch their way forward over these small raised portions of the pavement. Traffic is badly backed up because of it, and we've received no follow up call as to when the work may be completed.

I doubt damage would really be done to a car if the raised pavements were traveled over at a reduced speed, as opposed to literally being rolled over at one mile an hour from a DEAD STOP!!! I even went to the local tire place to find out. 40 miles an hour would be a problem, but you don't need to stop. The most irritating thing about it, is that more than half the vehicles doing this are SUVs.

OK, you got yourself a big truck, you don't off-road, and the streets get plowed fairly quickly when it snows. WHY CAN"T YOU ACCELERATE OVER A THREE INCH BUMP?!?!? Why exactly did you buy this vehicle? It's an SUV, if you're going to pay that much for gas, and destroy the environment (wink), the LEAST you can do is have enough confidence in your truck to actually DRIVE! over the bump.

Sheesh.

Just Eat The Pineapple

Lately, I've taken to getting myself a treat when I'm in the supermarket. Since I'm with the little one all the time, and don't want to model bad habits (and being a woman I am genetically predisposed to be "watching my weight," no matter what), I get a small container of fresh cut fruit. Watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, red grapes, pineapple, and a few stray pieces of mango.

When we get home, and unload the bags, Cheese Eater and I sit down at the table and share our little feast. Some places sell it with two toothpicks enclosed, which greatly enhances our sharing. Another place has no toothpicks at all, but I usually can scrounge some up at home.

I think she starts with the watermelon, grapes and cantaloupe. I tend to head straight for the pineapple. Honestly, it all tastes so good, because it's sitting in the juices of it's neighbor, and it's just a refreshing, fruity, sweet, juicy snack.

Well, today the store I went to, the one with two toothpicks, had no mixed fruit bowl, only a four sectional container without grapes or mango. The honeydew was tasteless, the cantaloupe tasted like it's October, and the watermelon, though not the taste explosion I would find in the summer, was good but grainy.

That leaves the pineapple. The never yet disappointing pineapple. Soft and juicy and sweet and perfect. I have a good mind to skip the mixed fruit and just get a container of pineapple. I know I should just buy a pineapple and cut it myself, but then it loses treat status.

But here's the dilemma. Do I risk disappointment by buying just the pineapple taking a chance that it won't be as good,or may have an "off day," or do I stick with the mixed fruit in which the pineapple can continue to shine and excite my taste buds?

Do I settle for so much mediocrity to enhance excellence, or do I risk potential disappointment in focusing solely on the excellence, the benefits of which are so much greater on it's own?

Wait, are we still talking about fruit?

Who Do You Believe?

I am not a fan of the Government of Iraq. I do not trust their leader or their system of spiritual leaders who will turn events to make the West look bad to their citizens at every turn.

That said, are there really people choosing the IRAQ IRAN border as a vacation spot? Even if they are based or living in the middle East, I'd think Dubai would have to be a lot more fun then Iraq.

Hey, anyone wanna go to Downtown Detroit on October 30th, after dark?

How about Compton, dressed in the wrong colors?

I've heard Kabul is lovely this time of year!!!

Just Wait...

Generally speaking when people around you discuss an issue, it isn't always pertinent to your life...yet. You can glean a lot from watching and listening as your friends and family go through different milestones in their lives. Sometimes, on the outside looking in, you can make assessments and judgments in a general global way (very much NOT specific to your friends and family...)disagree with the way the majority of people navigate it, and be told "Just wait until you're in it."

I think that's a mistake. Not that the judgment one makes from a far should be something one never steps away from, but if you think something through rationally, and come to a conclusion that a certain standard is the one you want for your life, I think you have a better chance of sticking to your guns. Now, it's entirely possible that once in a situation you'll see your guns should be abandoned, but I'd say, in general, when dealing with moral issues, or ethical issues, or just ways you want you and your family to conduct your lives, sticking to a high standard is the way to go.

So I wonder if the comment "Just wait until you're in it," is just a form of giving up, a way to say, "yeah, I thought that way too, but I've been beaten down." If that's the case with me, then at least I'll have gone into things trying to buck the system, and live the way I think I should live, instead of letting society and situations pre-determine how I will behave or react.

I can certainly be less vocal about it, but if no one is willing to change anything, then nothing will ever change.

My Pet Peeve

Recently, one of my kids teachers got engaged. Mazel Tov, Yaaay!

I wonder if she will finish out the year. Generally in these situations, the guy is learning, and he certainly can't be expected to learn anywhere other than where he wants to learn, despite the fact that this girl should have a responsibility to the kids, the school, and the parents who now have to deal with the school scrambling to find a replacement, at a time when most people already have jobs.

I think it's worse in the younger grades, when the kids finally get used to a teacher, and YANK! She's gone, and now there's someone new to acclimate to, and learn how to deal with, and get to know all over again.

I'm curious why no one in the school system thinks this is important, and none of the Rebbeim in the kollelim think the greater community should be respected enough to either have the woman commute, or just learn elsewhere until she is finish her RESPONSIBILTY.

I can't even convey (even if I use all CAPS!) how upset this makes me, and that everyone just lets it happen as if becoming a teacher is no greater responsibility or commitment or job than any other. Because that's what it boils down to I guess. It must be that it's just a job. The fact that often people's future rest upon how good you are at it, or that you stick it out? I guess they don't teach that in Seminary.

The Bride Wore Red Ink

Conde' Nast Publications, the magazine giant which publishes such well-recognized titles as "Vogue," "Vanity Fair," "GQ" and "The New Yorker," has announced that it is closing "Gourmet," "Modern Bride" and "Elegant Bride," as part of a program aimed at cutting costs.

Like most magazine publishers, Conde' Nast has seen a sharp decline in advertising revenue amidst the current economic downturn.

The closing of the three magazines will result in the layoff of about 180 people. It will also give me back six hours of my week, and leave a huge void in my reading portfolio.

Seriously, the next time you're at a wedding, and the bride is old-fashioned and frumpy, and the food is terrible, just blame the economy.

You Want Me To Go in Where???

After many, many years, and a new age for me, with the teenage girls and the necessary clothes shopping that is part and parcel of their lives, I returned to Loehmann's. Aaaah, Loehmann's, a store that brings back memories of tests and homework.

Not much of a shopper myself (God's sense of humor I guess, blessing me with 6 girls), and even less of a studier, the only time I was really amenable to going shopping was when I needed a good way to avoid sitting and doing my schoolwork. Often those attempts at buying me clothes meant a trip to Loehmann's, which always tempered my not studying enthusiasm, especially during bathing suit season.

You see, as successful as we were at Loehmann's there was always the dreaded dressing room. The dressing room was just one big room with mirrors covering all the walls and hooks at various intervals, and a low bench running the length of the wall to put your things down. I hated this. The Back Room, which had more expensive clothing had real dressing rooms, you know with doors and privacy and all that, so I got smart and would always take one item from there so I didn't have to use the communal room.

Even though my young ladies FREAK if they are in a dressing room and the curtain or door opens the slightest bit while they are in the process of trying on new things, I decided to take them to Loehmann's anyway.

Plus, a long time ago I heard the Loehmann's put in real dressing rooms, private stalls with doors, and I knew that somewhere in the back of my mind, but just to be safe, as we approached the area laden with clothes for our inspection, I jokingly said to the girls, you know the dressing room might be just one big room. They looked at me like I was crazy, and then stepped through the curtain.

It was the same big mirrored room! I could not believe it! The store itself has been updated, and it was a pleasant shopping experience (for some reason, I always think of Loehmann's as having dirty linoleum). But now this? I really thought that they had added private dressing rooms, so I was surprised, but also glad that the girls had a 10 second warning. I did not expect the calm that ensued. I expected some sort of fight, or NO WAY!!! Or, perhaps, even tears. The older one said "well this will cure me of my dressing room issues." The other one just layered on the clothes, pulling off what she could without undressing.

Luckily, it worked out well with the two year old, since there was ample place for her to run around. In one of those runnings she ran over to the door where they put the rejected clothes on a rack similar to the kind they have at a dry cleaner. The attendant places the clothes on color coded hooks to help facilitate the apparel's quick return to the shopping floor. I remember being mesmerized by it as a young teenager, wishing it was a roller coaster I could hop on. I don't know what The Cheese-Eater thought it was, but she liked it.

Chasing her over there, and trying to prevent her from following the track to parts unknown, I noticed another doorless entryway, to an area that had......PRIVATE FITTING ROOMS!!!!!

I went back over to the girls, and told them about my mistake, and asked if they wanted to move, and they both said "Nah, this is fine."

Candy Doesn't Pay

Every so often, the British remind us of how they managed to lose most of an enormous global empire with breathtaking speed.

A recently published study chronicles a research project in which British experts studied more than 17,000 children born in 1970 for about four decades. Their findings? Of the children who ate candies or chocolates daily at age 10, 69% were later arrested for a violent offense by the age of 34, a substantially higher percentage than those who consumed sweets on a less-than-daily basis.

The conclusion is clear. While an apple a day keeps the doctor away, a candy a day will eventually lead to keeping the bail bondsman on speed-dial.

In my opinion, this "study," and its conclusion, represent statistical stupidity writ large.

If I was a conspiracy theorist, I'd suggest that this study was commissioned by Kraft Foods, in an attempt to supress the valuation of Cadbury, in the former's attempt to complete a hostile takeover of the latter.

On a serious note, has anyone considered that the candy-crime link is a bit flawed?

Perhaps children of single-parent households, or those with relatively less-educated parents, or those from lower-income households are more likely to eat unhealthy diets, such as daily servings of candy, or other sorts of junkfood.

Coincidentally, children from those less-advantaged income or family-structure segments are much more likely to commit violent crimes in adulthood.

How's this for a statistical conclusion? Remember how your parents always told you to tie your shoelaces when you were a kid? They pointed out that if you walk around with your shoelaces untied, you could get hurt. Turns out they were right. Research shows that people who walk around with untied sneakers (and who wear their pants six inches below their waists, and their baseball caps sideways, and wear an overabundance of large gold-plated jewelry) are 20 times more likely to be injured or killed in a drive-by shooting. Shocking. It's enough to make me want to trade in my cap-toed oxfords for a pair of loafers, just to minimize the risk.

In other words, there probably isn't a direct link, or at least a causal relationship, between candy and violent crime. Rather, those distinct groups - daily candy eaters and violent criminals - share common background characteristics. So, a rich suburban kid, from a dual-parent home, who happens to eat candy regularly when he/she is 10 years old, is no more likely to eventually commit a violent crime than is his neighbor or private-school classmate.

Then again, perhaps I'm just trying to discredit this study, and its ramifications, for personal reasons. After all, if there truly is a link between daily candy consumption and violent crime, FBB and I have got a future serial killer or two on our hands.

Upwardly Mobile Mayor

This week, Forbes magazine released its widely-followed list of the wealthiest Americans, the "Forbes 400."

Not surprisingly, the collective wealth of the Forbes 400 declined over the past year, for only the fifth time since 1982.

A highlight: Mike Bloomberg, FBB's favorite mayor, has cracked the top 10, landing at the #8 spot, with an estimated net worth of approximately $17.5 billion.

Bloomberg's net worth was boosted by a recent transaction which valued Bloomberg L.P., the media and financial data firm he founded, at more than $20 billion. Mr. Bloomberg now owns about 85% of that firm, after buying out Merrill Lynch's 20% stake.

Much to FBB's chagrin, I'm actually something of a fan of Mayor Bloomberg, and it goes beyong the fact that we are both alums of Johns Hopkins.

Bloomberg is a classic example of someone who has "done well while doing good." He has donated more than half a billion dollars to charity over the past five years, an estimated $235 million in 2008 alone, according to Forbes.

So, whether or not you agree with his policies, or his end-run around New York City's term-limits laws, one thing about him is indisputable: He is one of the great philanthropists of our times.

Maybe he could donate $7 billion to New York City, to cover the anticipated tax revenue shortfall in 2010.

Something tells me that within a couple of years, Bloomberg will be begging for retroactive term limits.

Poor MBB's Almanac

Yesterday, FBB was kind enough to procure me some chili from my favorite purveyor of said dish. It eventually served as the centerpiece of my dinner.

(You know that you're eating way too much when you refer to a part of your meal as the "centerpiece." It's almost as bad as using the words "plethora" or "sundry" when describing your repast).

Then, this morning, I awoke earlier than usual, as I had a (thankfully) rare early morning meeting.

Now, I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. (I've played a stock analyst on TV quite a few times, but that was more than a decade ago, and frankly, it's a boring story). However, even I know that mixing chili with insufficient sleep is a particularly dangerous combination.

With apologies to Ben (or "B-Dog", as he was known to his fellow Founding Fathers)Franklin, I submit the following tidbit of wisdom:


"Chili for dinner and waking too early,
Will render any man (or woman) rather surly."





It was still worth it.

SPLAT!

One of the hazards of living in the suburbs is road kill. As referenced in the previous post, the development in this area has gotten so bad, that the little furry creatures are more often amongst the vehicular creatures, and therefore end up squashed on the asphalt with their guts hanging out. OK, maybe that's a little dramatic, but really, I think there've been more animals lately.

Recently however, I and my daughter witnessed a carcass of sorts, one that may haunt her for a long time. We were walking along the sidewalk near our home, when she gasped.

Loudly. And clutched my arm.

I turned to where she seemed to be looking, to try, as a parent, to ascertain what had so affected my young teenager, and see if I could do anything to ease what was becoming a traumatic experience.. And then I saw it. Right in the middle of the road, its red liquid seeping from it. I could feel her body cringing at the sight of it.

She turned to me teary eyed and said:

"Why would anyone throw a SLURPEE in the street?"

Frustrated

It's very hard for me when people use emotional arguments with no basis in fact to shape their political decisions. Often these people are only parroting something they've heard from others (community leaders, clergy, "smart" friends), but continue to spout it without really thinking the whole situation through.

Labels can be good and bad. When a liberal is saddled with that label, and doesn't make it into office, I'm thrilled. When a corrupt, unctuous, king of his own little fifedom, brands his opponents as anti-semitic to keep his iron grip on the bloc vote, it makes me nauseous. To be fair, he never does the branding. His willing minions do the work for him. They're getting just what they want from him, and they look the other way, when it doesn't fill their needs, and in the process the town is being destroyed. Building, by multiple building.

I wonder, when you need to get something done, if his confidential assistant hands you a paper with a price list. Does ignoring traffic problems and inadequate parking cost more, or less then giving permission to build directly up to the street line destroying every living plant in 100 foot radius? Does it cost more to get zoning changed for illegal schools, or illegal residences?

Not everything wrapped in religion is kosher, and that's the saddest part of all. We can keep shaming G-d, as long as our skirts are at LEAST 4 inches below the knee, because all our problems stem from the latter, and not a SINGLE one comes from the former.

Maybe the title of this post is wrong. Maybe it should say :

ANGRY.

Say It Ain't So, Jaweed

I'll admit it. I'm a rather cynical guy. As a consequence, very little surprises me, especially as it pertains to tales of Man following his baser instincts, even to the detriment of himself and his fellow man.

However, there are some things that even I am not prepared to handle.

Yesterday, I read an AP story that said that a U.N.-backed fraud commission threw out some votes and ordered recounts in the recently-concluded Afghan elections.

Voter fraud? In Afghanistan?! That's unbelievable! Chicago? Sure. New York? I guess it could happen. But Afghanistan,a hotbed of prevarication?!

Is nothing sacred???

Wow. I never saw that coming. (Henry Paulson just called, to tell me that he didn't see it coming, either).

What's next? Reports of alleged political corruption in Mexico?


How depressing.You just can't trust anyone nowadays.

Done

On an overcast morning, with the slightest nip detectable in the air, summer ended. Awash in different shades of blue, bulging knapsacks strapped on not yet tired shoulders, all newly shod, the girls waited for their buses. Different ages, different worries, some social, some academic, others just logistical (how will I know which bus to go on to get home?). Some seemed so blase it was evident they have completed more school years then they have in front of them.

They all came home happy, and basically on time. I waited to hear who got which teachers, and my own worries were laid to rest. Let's hope for a productive year. And needless to say, summer can't come back quickly enough.

I need to go make lunches.

Now Summer Can End...If It Must...

There was one thing I wanted to do this summer. We did a lot of very nice, very summery things, but there was one particular thing that I just so badly wanted to do, but it wasn't working out.

Not all members of my family can participate in this activity, and when everyone was away (away at camp, or in day camp)I didn't want to leave the Cheese Eater to indulge. Maybe I should have. It has become almost an obsession that I desperately wanted to do this.

As the days of summer are slipping away rapidly, MBB insisted that I go today. At first I thought, I'd go with him, but I felt bad about leaving everyone on a glorious Sunday with school just three days away. He managed to convince m that he really wanted me to go and do this, and that he would be very productive at home (the succah is now up!). So I took the three big ones and drove twenty minutes down to the river.

We went Kayaking. It was stupendous. We didn't really venture into the heavy water, it was a little too choppy, but we traveled through a salt marsh leading to the river, and turned around right at the mouth of the mighty Hudson.




I'm so glad I did it. It just seems like such a summer activity, and since I kayaked with MBB in Key Largo in November, this was something I've wanted to do again. I really don't want to wait until next summer to try again...they're open until Columbus day.

Anyone want to come with me?

Holding On To Summer with Both Hands

So my kids start school in one week from today. Actually, the two big ones go back on Tuesday for half a day, but Wednesday is the day that's in my head as the official end of summer. That's the day that we will change the mailbox cover from a summer theme (flip flops) to just our initial, as we await the calendral start of fall, and put on the colored leaf cover. We'll stand outside and wait for the bus, and with a bit of melancholy I will turn back into the house, look at the Cheese Eater and sigh. (I might then break out the bubbly and hoop and holler, but I doubt it).

In my efforts to make the summer last, we took a trip to Hershey Park on Thursday. We got there when it opened and left when it closed. I cannot remember the last time we had such a sustained good time across the board. From the cheese eater all the way up through MBB, it was just an amazing day, though I now know, that I don't have much to do at an amusement park. I don't like roller coasters, it seems I only like flumes in theory, and really, who wants to go on a Happy -Go-Pukey? The kids however had an amazing, stupendous, fantastic time. I had a great time because of that, and I keep thinking how great it would be to go back. That's how really perfect the day turned out.

MBB and the three big girls went on every roller coaster except the Farenheit, supposedly because the line was too long, but really, I think it was just too freaky a coaster. One of the girls, who never rides roller coasters decided she'd try an upside down one. And then proceeded to go on every roller coaster there was!

We drove to Baltimore that night, to spend the weekend with cousins. We were there back in February, I just love going to them, it's like walking into a cocoon. On the way from Hershey to Baltimore, the skies opened up. So much so, that I was about 3 seconds away from pulling over, I could not see anything. Things settled down, but to be safe I put on my hazards and just drove really slowly. The rain stopped and we were in Baltimore at about midnight, and after we were all settled in the house we were treated to a lightning show, such as one only sees in the movies. Constant flashing, every three second or so, and the thunder could not keep up.

Friday we went to the USS Constellation an old Naval Ship from the Civil War. We got caught in a downpour when we were done on the ship, and it was late Friday so we couldn't wait it out. So we now own six (MBB stayed with sleeping two year old) pseudo garbage bags with hoods.

Sunday was a rambling drive home, with frequent stops along the scenic route, farms and garden centers, and a trip to MBB's office.

Monday, we drove around the area of the lake we usually go to. It was a really cool day, temperature wise, so we took the opportunity just to drive around and get out to enjoy the views, and water, have lunch, take pictures. Then we went to a nearby town to a park, off the mountains, where they have a great playground, and the kids really ran around having a good time. (the first photo is a view from above the Bear Mountain Bridge, The second and third are the view as we ate lunch, and the fourth is just one of the stops along the drive.)








Yesterday was sleep late , do some errands for school, and just generally bum around day. Today seems like more of the same, though I'm thinking we need to get a swim in some time this week.

So in these travels we have discovered the following:

1)books on tape are great

2)Our children have the taste of young monied Italians from New Jersey, who may or may not be "mobbed up," when it comes to lawn furniture and fountains.

3)we need to be careful about mentioning how the beautiful cliffs and woods would be a great place to "dump a body," lest eldest child come home and make a mock website devoted to crime.

4)I absolutely love the summer and I am so sad that it's ending.

Well, We Liked It!!!!!

It's a weird week around here. My sister and her kids left, my two close friends are on vacation with their families, and my other siblings all have plans for this week. Everyone is done with camp, and I'm just ready for lazy summer. Maybe I need more friends

Yesterday I had to drop something off in Passaic NJ, so instead of leaving my kids home with nothing to do but fight, I took them with me. Then I planned a small trip to a nearby town. I was very excited, because I found something that I had no idea existed!!! It's a waterfall in Patterson NJ. Think Beirut with a natural wonder smack in the middle. OK, that's a little harsh. Patterson isn't that bad, at least certain parts of it... It's more like East Baltimore, Newark, Detroit.

There's a nice downtown area, it's bustling and reminded me a lot of upper Manhattan. Before we drove around there, we went to the Great Falls. These falls had a lot to do with the industrialization of this area.

In 1791, Alexander Hamilton and a group of investors created the S.U.M., the Society for Establishing Useful Manufactures, to harness the tremendous power of the Passaic Great Falls. They hired Pierre Charles L'Enfant to design the largest, most significant power system at that time, one that diverted water from the Passaic River above the falls to mills along its route. Hamilton envisioned an industrialized America and the creation of this raceway system was his ambitious example of how corporations could be organized to develop manufacturing on a large scale. Although the S.U.M failed to realize its manufacturing objectives, it did succeed in developing real estate and supplying power to the growing number of various industries that were building factories around the area of the Great Falls. The industries that ultimately emerged produced textile machinery, steam locomotives, silk weaving and dyeing, revolvers, aircraft engines, and various other products. (culled from various websites)

Now, the following is a statement made on various sites about the falls:

The Great Falls are the second-highest on the east coast (second only to Niagara). The Great Falls thunders over a rocky ledge, 70 feet deep, about 60 feet wide to a broad basin descending 20 feet through traprock and sandstone to the City of Paterson.

They're big and they're nice, but my friend is in the Finger Lakes, and went to a 250 foot falls yesterday, so I think it may be a boast about volume, more then about height.

Either way, if you can block out the blight just a few blocks away, there's an oasis of beauty in the middle of the urban landsscape.

I Can't Take The Pressure

We are at the point in the house right now where we NEED library books. Camp is over, and the cousins are leaving. School starts in three weeks.

I actually like this part of the summer (not the cousins leaving). There are no schedules, and my sister has a pool, so we're pretty set as far as enjoying the last waning days of August.

So now would really be a good time to go to the library, all the books have been returned...I hope. We are huge supporters of the library. I think if we stopped going, or just returned our books on time, they'd have to raise EVERYONES library tax by about 3%.

The problem is, I'm not really sure if all the books are back. I just need to go online and check my library account, but once I do that I'd actually have to FIND the book that's probably lost. Then I have to feign surprise when the librarian says "Please Return the Excretory System!!" On the top of her lungs.

Really, it depends which library we go to. One place is laid back and says "just return them, ok?" The other makes you feel really, really small, and maybe a little bit stupid. This is the same library that moved from a dinky little building with no PA system (the librarian would just shout "the library is closing in 10 minutes!), to a beautiful state of the art building...with almost no books. The shelves are more than half empty in the children's section, so I guess for aesthetic purposes they NEED the books returned.

Luckily, lots of my kids have library cards, so if we can't find the books, we find at least two "clean" cards and use those to take out books.

I've tried having a PLACE for the library books, didn't work. I've tried insisting that all books have a spot in the individual rooms, it didn't work either. I think what I need to do is put a note on the calendar two days before the books are due, the minute we get home from taking them out. That should work.

Either way, it just stresses me out!

Ole, Ole

As previously noted, Michigan sister is here. Week one was all swimming all the time. Apparently, week two is "do stuff week."

I love whatever we do, because she's here, and my kids get to hang out with her kids. Because we do stuff, other nieces and nephews hang out with us too, so it just becomes really nice for my kids.

Like today. We took our annual trip to a local lake. Some of the big kids, with jobs, did not come with us. Others are away at camp, so when I looked at our spot on the beach it looked a little sparse. That's probably why people felt they could actually sit near us, as opposed to in the past, with 15 plus kids digging and running around on the sand and in and out of the water people tended to shy away. Plus, I've been told that we are loud.

I actually hate the beach. I don't know if it's this particular beach, or just beaches in general, but I'm inclined to the former. This beach is kinda dinky, very small, and the shells smell. Really bad. BUT, because it's a very small beach, and kinda dinky, it's perfect for us. There's room to spread out because it's not that popular. It's small enough that the bathrooms are just steps away. Really?, At this point? It's our beach. We have our spot and our routine. So much so, that even in the parking lot, we have our place. The parking lot is built as a "U" but really a "U" on its side. When you drive in the spaces begin immediately and continue along the one way road, until it curves, and then they continue again, until you're back at the entrance, but in a different lane. So we pulled in, and there was a garbage truck a few feet down blocking the road. I did not know how I'd get around it so that I could park in the bottom half of the sideways U, where we always park. I had a cousin in the car with me, who has never been to this lake. I said "hmm, how'm I going to do this, I guess I'll have to go the wrong way on the lower roadway to get to a spot." (basically make a quick left and a quick right to go the wrong way on the one way road)

She said "Why don't you just park here?" As she pointed to a spot on the upper roadway as soon as you drive in. I looked at her like she was crazy and said "we don't park THERE!"

I made my move, and pulled up to the vicinity of where we like to park, and my eight year old shouted "Hey those people took our spot!" Mind you, we go there once- maximum twice a year, but someone had "taken our spot." Luckily, there were two spots a few cars over, and we pulled in. Later, when I told my sister of the cousin's suggestion that we park in the other area, she looked at me funny and said "we don't park THERE!"

The point is, the kids love this beach, they know the routine, and they feel comfortable there. I guess they haven't sat on a nice white sand beach without goose poop and stinging flies to know that this one is not as great as they think. Maybe my issue with this beach is the stuff. The other beaches I've been to have been while I'm on vacation. If I'm on vacation at a beach, it's usually fronting the hotel. All I need to bring with me is a water bottle, a book, and some sunscreen. No chairs, no towels, no sandwiches, no changes of clothing, no umbrellas, no diapers, no pack and plays, no strollers, no extra t shirts and no sand toys. On vacation we don't have to deal with the sand. Here we do. In the car, and in the house. So I really don't know how I'd feel about those vacation beaches, if I had to do all this to use them.

I marvel at the other people who seem to come to THIS beach with nothing but a small handbag, and maybe a chair. It could be because we are so many people that we seem to have a lot of stuff, and we come here loaded to the gills. It's gotten easier since the kids can all carry things on their own, (and want to) but man we bring a lot with us.

They really had a blast. The Cheese Eater was running back and forth in the water, playing ring -around- the- Rosie, while the others were building their epic castles with moats and aqueducts.

At one point we saw a woman come to the beach with two little kids and a nanny, who from far looked like our aunt. And it was her!!! She was looking for a different beach, but happened upon this one instead. (Of all the sand bars, in all the metro area....)

One of my kids who is not a big fan of the beach, but came anyway,sat in one of the chairs 95% of the time. This evening she told me she had a great time, even though she "didn't really do anything."

I had a great time too, the best part? My soggy, sandy tuna sandwich!!

At Least we All Like It

Doing nothing is apparently more tiring than I thought.

I am exhausted. Last weekend we had a family Bar Mitzvah, which was just everything you'd expect or want it to be. It was so warm, and beautiful, and welcoming, and just plain nice to be with so many people we love.

But SINCE then....the sister I went to visit in Michigan in December, is here. That means lots of swimming, and lots of Tuna Fish. That sounds odd, but when I think of these particular days of summer, that's what I think of. Very Mayonnaisey tuna on bread (we might go to the lake on Monday, so stayed tuned for tales of SANDY tuna on soggy bread...I actually love it that way. So much so, that if I have time I will put a fresh tuna sandwich in the fridge with something heavy on it, just to help aid the sog...)

It also means many days where I don't accomplish that much, because, well, she's here! Why would I do X, Y or Z, when we could be hanging out. So we do. And swim. And eat tuna. But I said that already. Sorry, lack of sleep is getting to me.

A Sticky Situation

I am officially annoyed.

Really, really annoyed.

Earlier today, as I was walking through the parking lot at work, I got the distinct impression that there was something stuck to the bottom of my shoe. A quick glance at the sole of my left shoe revealed a wad of yellow bubble gum.

I also noticed a small hole in the sole of that shoe. I guess I'll have to bring it to the cobbler to have it repaired. Not a big deal when you consider that this particular pair of shoes was just about due for its 24-month tune-up anyway.

What is a big deal, however, is the fact that in the United States, a supposedly "civilized" country, someone felt that he/she had the right to just dispose of his/her gum wherever he/she pleased, regardless of the consequences to innocent passers-by.

Looking at the sentence above, sometimes it's quite awkward to express things in a politically-correct, gender-neutral manner, what with all that he/she and his/her stuff. However, that's not nearly as awkward as trying to walk around with a huge wad of gum on your shoe.

This is just driving me nuts! Someone out there has absolutely no concern for anyone else, and feels that it is perfectly appropriate to walk around tossing sticky, already-been-chewed (ABC) gum everywhere. To make matters worse, this person is still out there, and likely to strike again!

I'm really thisclose to channeling my inner Charles Bronson and taking matters into my own hands. On second thought, it would take me forever to grow a moustache like that.

Rather than go the vigilante route, perhaps I will just write to my local politicians, seeking their assistance. Then again, considering that this incident happened in New Jersey, I'll probably have to deal with the politicians here. That's bound to be expensive.

Maybe, using this blog, I can start a grass-roots Internet movement to push for tougher gum control laws. These laws would include mandatory, minimum sentences for those who carelessly discard their gum in public places. If the affected individual (the one who eventually steps on the gum) is wearing a really good pair of shoes, the crime would rise to the felony level.

A final thought: Why aren't the liberals already all over this issue? Doesn't it mess up the environment when there's bubble gum all over the place? Aren't the animal activists worried that some animal will eat the discarded gum and get sick? Then again, considering that they not only roll around in feces on a regular basis, but also eat it, a little gum shouldn't do them much harm.

I'm referring to the animals, not the activists. Or, maybe I mean both.

Either way, this is a cause that people on every point of the political spectrum, in every economic class, should be able to rally around.


Remember, gum doesn't kill people. Stepping on it makes people want to kill people.

I Dub Thee "Sir Tax"

When FBB and I founded IcebergCarwash, our goal was to entertain and inform our readers, while creating a forum for our opinions on a wide variety of topics.


All right, let's do away with all of the mission statement gobbledygook, shall we?


IcebergCarwash is about one thing, and one thing only:

Profits.

The trouble is that after nearly ten months, we haven't generated one red cent from this blog.

We obviously need to make this blog profitable, but how?

We could move to a paid subscription model, but how would we be able to compete with the millions of free blogs out there?

We could sell advertising space on the blog, but that could eventually detract from the spirit of IcebergCarwash, thereby making our brand less valuable over the long run.

As a guy I used to work with often said, "We're in a real pickle here."

Fortunately, just when I was out of ideas, our heroes in Congress have come to the rescue, with their unique brand of ingenuity.

We've got two different solutions for generating revenues, while remaining a "free" blog:

(1) A blog surtax. We would never dream of charging a tax to users of the blog. It's out of the question. Adding a surcharge? That would be positively un-American. Instead, we'll add a "surtax." What's a surtax, you ask? It's a rather magical thing, actually. It's not a surcharge, or a fee, or a tax. It's entirely different. It's a surtax. Why, it even sounds cool. You people should feel proud to be bestowed with the privilege of paying such a marvelous thing.

(2) A Cap-and-Trade mechanism. This one is really neat. Just mentioning it makes me feel economically sophisticated. Everyone will be given a limited number of free visits to the site per month (a "cap"). Any visits above that number will be assessed with a fee. Here's the neat part: If you don't use all of your allotted free visits, you can trade them with other users who have already hit their monthly limits.

I know that many of you might think that the "cap-and-trade" mechanism is simply a hidden tax. However, I've been assured by Representative Henry Waxman (idiot-California), that your fears are greatly exaggerated, or imaginary, or both.

Please rest assured that FBB and I have no plans to unilaterally add either a surtax or a cap-and-trade plan without seeking input from our readers. After all, like the President, we are post-partisan consensus-builders. (We build consensus the same way we'd build a house. With a hammer). Your input is critical.

Please use the comments section of this blog to tell us how you feel about our proposed ideas. In order for us to make a proper assessment of the impact of our plans, while identifying and weeding out the opinions of any of the evil rich, we just need you to include the following, basic information with your comments:

* First Name
* Middle Initial
* Last Name
* Address
* Home phone number
* Cell phone number
* Primary e-mail address
* Secondary e-mail address
* Social Security number
* Credit Card number
* Credit Card expiration date
* Your mother's maiden name


With your help, IcebergCarwash can meet its ambitious goals, while remaining free.

My Name is NOT Frank

Ever since IcebergCarwash's inception, the operators of this blog have been known as "MBB" and "FBB."

The reasoning behind the use of our nomes de blog is our desire to remain somewhat anonymous.

Unfortunately, FBB's recently published post (see below) has ripped away a large swath of the shroud of secrecy in which I am permanently wrapped.

Based on her post, here's what we now know about the heretofore mysterious MBB:

(1) The removal of the last letter of my first name "renders me a female."

(2) Once it gets late on Saturday night, I roam around my house, sans (street) clothing.

(3) I suddenly find myself with more than $300 in pocket money.


Hey, you don't think that information will attract any creeps around here on the weekend, do you?

The way I see it, I've got about 72 hours to witness a mob-related murder and gain admittance to the Federal Witness Protection Program.

I hope they send me somewhere nice.

Who Knew?

A few months ago, February in fact, I got a phone call. Not an odd occurrence in the general sense, but this one was different. This was someone telling me I had unclaimed money, and did I want them to get for me. Being both skeptical, and fairly internet savvy, I asked "couldn't I do this myself?" and they said yes.

So I googled missing money, and found a website that you click on your State from the map of the US, and it links to States' Offices of Unclaimed funds, and I began my search. Apparently Horizon Health care got all confused when someone dropped the last letter of MBB's first name thus rendering him a female. This threw them off to the point that they could not send me my money, but instead sent it to the state of NY, even though the address was clearly listed. Hmmm, maybe Government SHOULD take over health care!

NY State has an excellent website, you can fill in the form online, and then print it out, requiring only a signature and a notary Public stamp/signature. So I printed out the form, and called my brother (the lawyer!!!), because he is a notary.

You know how it's good to have certain professions in the family? You would think that this would be one of them, but Mr. Must-Play-By-The-Rules, won't sign anything unless it was signed in front of him. That's all fine and good, but between his schedule and MBB's skepticism that this was worth anything more than 20 bucks, MBB did not think this warranted making an effort to go see my brother to get it signed. It wasn't getting done.

So I printed it out a few more times, because it got lost in the Bermuda Triangle that is my desk, and forgot about it, then remembered, then lost the paper, then printed it again, and forgot about it...until....

...my daughter's graduation party. I walked into the kitchen, and there was my niece, standing with someone I did not know. That's not always strange at a party, except that the party was in my house. Across the island from these two young ladies, was a man hunched over this stranger's paper, signing and using a stamp. Lo, and behold! Here was a notary, in my house!!! At the same time as MBB!!! What are the odds?

Well, pretty good actually that they'd be in the same house at the same time at this party, since the notary was, as noted above, my brother. (the odds that MBB was actual wearing STREET CLOTHES when in the house at the same time as my brother were significantly lower, since many of said brother's visits are late Saturday night). The odds that he had the notary stamp with him were pretty low too, but there it was! Luckily, I DID remember the umpteenth version of the Unclaimed Property Form, and got it signed. I then sealed it, and of course it took another 5 days to mail. Just because. That was June 15.

This morning I went to get mail, all excited because I was expecting some mail from my kids away at camp (When I spoke to them they told me they had written). Those letters were indeed there, as was a letter from the Comptroller of the State of New York.

Through all of this, we never knew how much money was involved. I assumed, for no reason at all, it was about $60, MBB thought less than $20.

We know now.

$321.26

How cool is that?

Beware of the Lurking Bear

Today, the stock market, as measured by the S&P 500, made a new high for the year. The S&P closed at 951.13, its highest close since November 5, 2008. Stocks were buoyed by news that commercial lender CIT Group, a critical source of funding for many small-to-mid size businesses, had arranged for $3 billion in additional financing from its bondholders, averting what only last week had seemed like certain bankruptcy. In addition, with the earnings reporting season for the second quarter having recently begun, there is a growing sense of optimism that corporate earnings might come in better than originally expected. (Of course, no one really knows for certain why the stock market went up or down, even after the fact, but we'll save that topic for another time).

The S&P 500 is now up 40.6% from its closing low of March 9th. After stagnating a bit from mid-June through mid-July, the market has resumed its recent upward trend, sporting a gain of 8.2% in the past six trading days alone.

Despite the rally, which is most welcome, I'm beginning to feel quite uneasy. For one thing, volume has been unconvincing. I learned a long time ago that relative volume is one of the most significant indicators in any major move, whether up or down. A big move, on strong volume, can indicate a longer-term shift in the market trend. On the other hand, a big move, on light volume, indicates that the market lacks conviction. When the move in question is upward, the light volume becomes a bearish indicator.

As to the recession itself, history implies that stocks are a "leading indicator," meaning that the stock market moves before the economy does. Therefore, for stocks to move upward as they have, while the economy is in difficult shape, is not a strange thing. If anything, it portends that positive economic news might be just over the horizon.

I remain unconvinced. I think that the risk to the economy now is not necessarily one of never-ending recession. Eventually, we will experience a couple of consecutive quarters of GDP growth, however faint, and the recession will officially be over. My primary concern is with the outlook for the recovery, which is unlikely to be robust, restrained by the employment picture. It's not just that unemployment is poised to shoot past 10% within the next month or two. There are two other employment-related statistics, which I find to be much more troubling than the "headline" unemployment number.

(1) The duration of unemployment: The average length of unemployment is now at 24.5 weeks. This is the longest since the government started tracking this data in 1948.

(2) The under-employment rate: In addition to those who are out of work, there are millions of people who are working part-time because they cannot find full-time work. When adding all of these people to the "core" unemployment number, the national "underemployment rate" is above 16%. That is a frighteningly large number.

It's going to take an awfully long time to put that many people back to work. Add to that the anticipated job-killing effects of all of the tax increases that the President and Congress seem intent upon delivering, and it begins to look like we might be facing something of a lost decade.

In the face of this, can the stock market rise further? Technically, yes. However, I'd bet on a pretty big pullback between now and Labor Day, as market participants begin to focus on the still-deteriorating economic fundamentals.