A Sticky Situation

I am officially annoyed.

Really, really annoyed.

Earlier today, as I was walking through the parking lot at work, I got the distinct impression that there was something stuck to the bottom of my shoe. A quick glance at the sole of my left shoe revealed a wad of yellow bubble gum.

I also noticed a small hole in the sole of that shoe. I guess I'll have to bring it to the cobbler to have it repaired. Not a big deal when you consider that this particular pair of shoes was just about due for its 24-month tune-up anyway.

What is a big deal, however, is the fact that in the United States, a supposedly "civilized" country, someone felt that he/she had the right to just dispose of his/her gum wherever he/she pleased, regardless of the consequences to innocent passers-by.

Looking at the sentence above, sometimes it's quite awkward to express things in a politically-correct, gender-neutral manner, what with all that he/she and his/her stuff. However, that's not nearly as awkward as trying to walk around with a huge wad of gum on your shoe.

This is just driving me nuts! Someone out there has absolutely no concern for anyone else, and feels that it is perfectly appropriate to walk around tossing sticky, already-been-chewed (ABC) gum everywhere. To make matters worse, this person is still out there, and likely to strike again!

I'm really thisclose to channeling my inner Charles Bronson and taking matters into my own hands. On second thought, it would take me forever to grow a moustache like that.

Rather than go the vigilante route, perhaps I will just write to my local politicians, seeking their assistance. Then again, considering that this incident happened in New Jersey, I'll probably have to deal with the politicians here. That's bound to be expensive.

Maybe, using this blog, I can start a grass-roots Internet movement to push for tougher gum control laws. These laws would include mandatory, minimum sentences for those who carelessly discard their gum in public places. If the affected individual (the one who eventually steps on the gum) is wearing a really good pair of shoes, the crime would rise to the felony level.

A final thought: Why aren't the liberals already all over this issue? Doesn't it mess up the environment when there's bubble gum all over the place? Aren't the animal activists worried that some animal will eat the discarded gum and get sick? Then again, considering that they not only roll around in feces on a regular basis, but also eat it, a little gum shouldn't do them much harm.

I'm referring to the animals, not the activists. Or, maybe I mean both.

Either way, this is a cause that people on every point of the political spectrum, in every economic class, should be able to rally around.


Remember, gum doesn't kill people. Stepping on it makes people want to kill people.