A Night at the Theater?

What should have been the first clue? If I knew, would it have changed anything? Not likely. As a parent, I was there, and there for the long haul.

My seven year old daughter was in a performance that is organized by a woman who recruits thirteen year olds to run choirs and dances, that showcase 7-12 year olds. Apparently, this is a fundraiser, but no one seemed to know who the funds were for, and I made the check for the tickets out to cash. Hmmm. That's the system, your kid is in the performance, and you pay for the ticket to come watch the show.

For the past three months she's had practice every Sunday for an hour and a half, and this past Wednesday a dress rehearsal. We were all very excited, and were anticipating a good time, and a good show.

The performance itself was very cute and very sweet, the show, for me, was everything that surrounded it.

It's all about what you're used to, and what your expectations are. I was neither used to any of this, nor did I expect it, though I should have. Honestly, so much of it was beyond what I was used to, I sat there boggled for most of the night. I expected the show to start late, it did, but not as late as I thought. That was probably the only "good surprise" of the evening. The organizer made a very quick introduction, noting that the kids were from 17 different schools, and how nice it was that they all worked together, and they impressed upon them that they should talk to each other if they meet out in the world. That really was nice. Unfortunately the audience did not have that same feeling of caring for others and strangers. The noise level in the theater remained CONSTANT throughout the various scenes (it wasn't a play, just a little narration followed by either a choir, a choir/dance mix/ or just a dance), except for the few times they asked for quiet. People did not whisper, people were talking across rows to other audience members, and people were acting as if they were sitting and watching a movie with friends in their living rooms. It was LOUD.

I guess I should have realized the kind of "Heimishe" night I was in for, when the performance started with a cute song and dance, followed immediately by the organizer announcing "don't worry if you missed that, we're going to do it again later, just one mother has to leave so we just did it now to accommodate her." That was really really really nice. Apparently, veterans of these shows know that if your kid is in it at the end, you don't come right at the beginning. I guess it's really nice to do that switcheroo, but it sort of alerted me to what the mood was going to be.

Maybe it was that kind of "yeah whatever" attitude that had women running up the side steps to backstage to hug the organizer in the middle of the performance. Maybe that's why thirty seconds after she announced that the kids in the performance who were not onstage should stay in a specially designated room that had a video hookup of the stage, about fifty kids came to sit on their mothers' laps. And when she announced no food, I glanced at the people in the row in front of me who were drinking. Not from cans, or straws, no, they had a huge bottle of apple juice and were pouring it into paper cups. Next came the brownies, and other goodies, I was waiting for them to whip out the candles and complete the Melave Malke!

Perhaps some women need to be taught, that when attending the theater, even if you are still wearing your Shabbos clothes, you need to change to a flatter hat. Carmen Miranda would have been proud.

Why in a performance with no scenery and no props did it take three minutes before each scene started?

I had to laugh when towards the very end she announced "OK, we're almost ready for the finale, any kids who are in the theater please come to the room we have designated," HALF THE PLACE GOT UP AND STREAMED OUT!!! She chuckled and said "so that's where you all are!"

Hello? No one noticed that almost 400 hundred kids weren't where they were supposed to be?

Then came the finale. The never practiced finale in which she was directing and maneuvering all the kids, and that's when I got nervous. My seven year old is on the small side (remember the laundry room?), and there were tons of kids on that stage in no discernible order. I got up to go to the backstage area, not wanting her to G-d forbid get crushed, and stopped first in the "designated room." It was the cafeteria, with tables and benches and a huge screen with the finale visible. There were about ten kids in the room. One of them was my little one. I asked her why she didn't go onstage and she responded "There was too much traffic."

Well, I collected her at that point and left. I have to take her back tonight, but this time she's not staying (the two hours) past her scene. She's coming home and going to bed. She had a great time, and it was great to see her perform, will we do it next year?

I guess we'll see.