Tuesday, May 12, 2009

The Worst Mother in The World

Alright, maybe I've employed a little hyperbole, but that's what it feels like.

I decided, that despite the hardship involved in taking a two year old to the nursery,(how ironic is that?!?!)I would finally buy the annuals I've been wanting to plant. It didn't hurt that little miss-cheese-eater opted not to nap, which means after ten minutes I hear "Mommy! I wake UP! I Wake Up! No Shushy Nap!"

So I had to empty the back of the minivan so that I could put down the seats in the last row for all the flats I'd be buying. There's a booster seat on that last row, so after I emptied the carriage, and the coke cans and water bottles from Costco, I was ready to put the seat down. I didn't notice that little miss you-know-who had moved to the middle row, and was standing right where I tossed the booster seat.

Obviously, she started to cry. Being the sensitive mother that I am I asked:

"What HAAAAPENED?"

She must think I'm nuts, because really how can I not know what happened? I was right there, and I threw the booster seat!

She stopped crying, and I went to put her in her car seat, and when I picked her up I saw she had a gash in her eyebrow. Yikes.

I had no idea. It took about a minute and a half from when I threw it until I noticed, but man did I feel BAD for not noticing right away, oh, yeah...AND FOR HITTING HER IN THE HEAD WITH A PLASTIC BOOSTER SEAT!

So we wiped off the blood, applied ice and taped on some gauze, and wasted $20 on a co-pay to the pediatrician who told me what I knew. She needed a plastic surgeon to do the stitches (a girl, the face, blah, blah). This plastic surgeon does emergency stitches at the ER, I think it's an insurance thing, and for me it saved $30 bucks, since ER visits have no co-pay!

This is the suburbs, so the ER's not that crowded at 4 in the afternoon. And we were waiting for a particular doctor, not an ER doctor, so by the time we went into triage he was there, and they registered me in the same room where she was getting stitches. When the woman walked in to do the registration, the doctor said
"Oh good, you'll distract Mom." I was happy for the distraction.

The last time one of my kids was strapped in the stitches papoose getting her lip sewn up, I stayed in her line of sight and fainted after about two minutes. But that was 11 years ago.

Other than the five minutes when she was actually getting stitches she was in the most fantastic mood, the entire day. At the pediatrician, in the waiting room, and right after the stitches too.

She really seems no worse for wear.

I wish I could say the same for her Mother.

Dumping Coca-Cola in Boston Harbor

According to an article in today's Wall Street Journal, Senate leaders are considering new federal taxes on soda, to help pay for an overhaul of the nation's health-care system.

A soda tax?!

I know that in the coming years, we'll see increased regulation and taxes in every area of our lives, but this would be the last straw for me (pun semi-intended).

The tax is being proposed by a group that calls itself "The Center for Science in the Public Interest." I, for one, believe that it would be in the Public Interest to have these people stand in the middle of busy intersections during rush hour.

Supposedly, the tax would only apply to sugary drinks, and not to diet soda, which accounts for 95%+ of my current soda consumption. However, once any soda tax is in place, it will only be a matter of time before they expand it to include diet beverages as well. Now I know how those NRA folks felt when assault rifles were banned. Our freedom is being taxed or taken away, bit by bit.

What's next? Will there be a three-day waiting period before I'll be allowed to purchase a Big Gulp? Will I have to get my soda in another country? I might have to resort to buying a six pack of Azteca Cola in Tijuana from a guy with a glass eye, named Pedro. Or, perhaps I'll find myself in a drab bar in Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, sipping a glass of Mellow Mountie, while pretending to be interested in some flannel shirt-wearing lumberjack's tales of forest adventure.

Actually, the most likely scenario is a lot more extreme. If the government passes a soda tax, it is entirely likely that I would completely freak out. I'd form a group, named the Soda Separatists. We'd buy up some houses and land in Montana (hopefully at foreclosure prices), or some other such mostly-desolate place. We would spread rumors that we had gathered an enormous cache of weapons and sugary beverages. We would prepare for the inevitable federal assault by digging a deep, wide trench around our entire compound. We'd fill the trench with popcorn kernels, so that when the feds lost patience with us, and attempted to set fire to our compound, Waco-style ("Sure, we're risking loss of life, but those people have soda in there. Soda!"), they would accomplish nothing more than to provide our group with a year's supply of snacks...

...which we would wash down with all of our soda.

I imagine that we would punctuate our victory by burping triumphantly for all to hear.

Or, as I prefer to put it: letting freedom ring.

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Markey Bill

Although this is a"Family Blog" this post may be inappropriate for some readers. Discretion is advised.


There has been quite a bit of discussion these days about a bill in the NY Legislature, the Child Victims Act, better known as the Markey Bill, which has come under close scrutiny by religious groups. Both the Catholic Church and Orthodox and Hasidic Jewish groups oppose the bill.

This bill is certainly not perfect. It extends the statute of limitation on prosecution and civil action against those involved in child sexual abuse (and its psychological impact)to 10 years, up from the current five beginning at the age of 18. It does not however lift a statute that is in place in state law that gives a victim 90 days if the perpetrator works in a public school or government.

The bill also opens a one time, one year window in which the statute of limitations is waived completely, and any victims of abuse can sue the institutions where the crimes took place, regardless of how much time has passed. Also, it does not take into account whether the administration of the institution has changed.

This is where the opposition to the bill comes in. The Catholic Church has already paid close to a billion dollars in settlements and damages stemming from suits brought from laws like these in California and Delaware.

Some are also arguing against the bill because it seems to only target religious or private institutions, because the statute will not be changed for public school incidences.

These are specious arguments, at best.

For too long religious institutions have covered up crimes of abuse of students, parishioners, worshipers, campers, and attendees of youth programs. Shifting personnel to other venues just broadens the abuse cycle as the perpetrators create not only new offenders, but more people who have been damaged into adulthood.

I can see where this would make an institution worry. I understand why there is a fear of lawsuits from old, old cases where there is not even enough information or access to people to help defend the institution. I even understand the fear of capricious suits with no merit. What I cannot abide is the idea that these will be the majority of the suits brought.

I believe that many of these religious institutions need just this sort of wake up call. For far too long they have swept allegations under the rug, discredited the accuser, and kept the accused in positions to inflict more harm. Yes, schools that are entirely funded by fund raising and tuition could be very hurt by this. Yes, parents who had no part of the school, and may in fact have been in diapers themselves when the crimes occurred, will have to shoulder the financial burden should these lawsuits be decided for the plaintiffs. The whole community will be expected to shoulder the burden, and that's exactly what I like about this law.

Unfortunately, too often people are apathetic about issues that do not effect them directly. If it wasn't their kid/neighbor/family member/school, they cluck their tongues and continue on their way. There needs to be PUBLIC OUTRAGE at this scourge that we have allowed to fester in too many of our institutions. Looking the other way, hushing the victims, and generally sweeping the issue under the rug so as not to let it see the light of day does nothing but intensify the pain of victims, and perpetuate the cycle. For too long the community has looked the other way, and has, it seems tacitly been a party to all this.

It is these suits that will bring the entire community into this issue. It is these allegations that will force people to wake up and see what this terrible, terrible crime causes. What better way to counter act a crime that sustains itself in secrecy then shining a huge light on it.

We as a community are culpable for allowing our institutions to get away with this for so long. If this is the price we all have to pay, and it may be great indeed, then that may be exactly what we deserve.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

I am well aware of the fact that I have not added a post to this blog in a while. I am also aware that I cannot simply show up at IcebergCarwash, and begin posting again, as though nothing has occurred. I must explain my absence.

Granted, I could just borrow a page from the President's playbook, and say something like, "With my gaze set firmly on the future, now is not the time to look back." However, the President himself has taught us how to make a statement like the one above, while subtly (or not so subtly) ascribing blame, in the very same sentence.

As such, I feel obligated to explain the causes of my absence from this blog. Of course, I cannot bring myself to be so arrogant as to propose that I know all of the reasons for my absence. Much like our economy, such a complex thing cannot be easily explained.

I will therefore leave it to you, dear reader(s), to determine the actual cause of my recent bout with acute blog lethargy (ABL). To make the process easier, I will give you a list of common scapegoats, from which you can chose. Most likely, it is due to a combination of factors, and not just one, but I'll let you decide.

My recent absence from IcebergCarwash is due to:

* Greedy Wall Street bankers
* The mistakes of the previous administration
* Short sellers
* Those who would put their own interests above those of the nation
* Hate mongers
* Rumor mongers
* Fish mongers
* Alex Rodriguez
* The errors of the previous administration
* A handful of holdout hedge fund managers who had the audacity to be more interested in getting more than 29 cents on the dollar for their supposedly senior secured debt than in giving a majority stake in the nation's third-largest automobile manufacturer to the union that had a lot to do with getting it into trouble in the first place.
* Global warming
* Dick Cheney
* The missteps of the previous administration
* Greedy corporate executives
* Those who would destroy the planet with their reckless disregard for the environment
* The blind eye that the previous administration turned to the warning signs that were so obvious to all of us, that nobody actually bothered to, you know, actually speak up at the time.
* Greedy mortgage bankers
* AIG (and if you guys don't stop causing trouble, we'll throw another $50 billion at you. We really will. Don't test us).


Hopefully, my absences from this blog will be shorter in the future.

Unless those hedge fund-types get to me.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Bernie Plays Baseball

(With apologies to the great Bernie Williams)

I finally figured out what Major League Baseball reminds me of. It's just a big old Ponzi scheme.

Today, LA Dodger Manny Ramirez was suspended for 50 games for testing positive for a banned substance. Honestly, when the story first broke and they were reporting Manny violated "the drug policy," I thought immediately, Marijuana. Manny being Manny and all that. Then it was determined that he was suspended for a banned substance that he claims came from a prescription from a doctor. Now, Manny Ramirez is a great hitter, one considered to have natural talent, but he's 37 years old and his numbers are still THAT good.

Back to the Ponzi scheme. How does it work? Well, people put their money in, they know it's too good to be true, but as long as the cash is coming in they don't ask too many questions. They don't ask how they can get such a high yield year after year when no one else shows returns like that. If they own a hedge fund they don't ask what they are invested in that's making them so much money in fees. No, everybody just enjoys the ride.

This is baseball. This is baseball in the era of Sammy Sosa, Mark Mcgwire, and Barry Bonds, and hundreds of other players. Everyone just kept their mouth shut and went to the games, because really, who doesn't like to watch it sail out of the park? Ever been to a night game, when the white ball with faint red stitching arches up into the air, framed against the black night sky with thousands of watts of light beaming on it, and tens of thousands of voices carrying it as it makes its fateful journey over the wall? It's a beautiful, thrilling sight. Who cares if the guy who hit it did so under false pretenses? For a good ticket that cost an arm and a leg, and a beer that costs $8, people want to be entertained, do they care how?

They care now. Why? Because we've pulled back the curtain. Like a magician whose tricks have been revealed, it's not that much fun to watch. Baseball is a sport of history. Fans love to talk about history and make comparison, old players to new players. That's all a sham now. In this era of ESPN and every stat known to man, it all means nothing now. Players make millions for cheating, and every team is under a cloud. Nothing is real.

It wasn't only the players union and baseball commissioner who looked away for so long, it was the networks who payed millions to air the games, and the fans who continued to show up. Money talks, and in this case no one used the power of the purse to force anything from Major League Baseball. Not the straight players (if there are any), not the owners and not the media or the public.

So the national past time has been sullied. That's OK, only a few more months until football season.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

CPP Be Darned! (it's a family friendly blog, you know)

Today I was reading a couple of new stories on a few different websites, some of which I may not consider arbiters of true journalism, but they dispense the information culled from other sources. Generally, I don't frequent these sites, but a Google search sent me to one of them, and I got caught up there.

In the comment section.

Now, I know many of you are shaking your heads knowingly, but this was uncharted territory for me. And it was scary. I did not know that A) there were that many intensely stupid people in the world B)They have computers and know nominally how to type/spell C)They congregate together on these sites egging each other on.

One site I was on was for a local newspaper, and the comment section there is extremely important. I really believe it gives a good insight into what our neighbors are thinking, and let me just say, it doesn't bode well.

I think the anonymity of the internet lends itself to people being both brash, outre, and just generally over the top in their comments, when it is not something they would necessarily have the courage to say in a face to face conversation with hundreds or thousands of strangers.

The most striking thing to me, is how quickly religion devolves into fighting between divergent beliefs, and also within its own ranks. An excellent and very entertaining blog I read was recently subject to this on one post. There was a fairly innocuous post, wherein a reader raised a concern in the comment section. Another commenter took this as an opportunity to go on a diatribe against a few segments, of what seem to be his own religious group, while hypocritically in the same breath defending someone else. (truly, it made no sense)

Kind of like when a kid is walking down the hallway minding his own business, and someone punches him in the arm for no reason, and then the puncher yells at the another bully for tripping a kid.

I guess I just don't understand, especially when writing, where there's time before you hit submit, or type your name or anonymous, or log in, to actually take a step back. That's the beauty of the written word, there's time to edit. Of course that feeling of furiously typing and pounding at the keyboard in an "I'll tell them!" kind of way can feel rather cathartic, but once done, once the words are on the page, maybe, just maybe it needs to be reread a few times. I'm not talking about not writing well, and I'm not talking about late night posting, where sometimes the grammar is wrong. I'm talking about arguments which make no sense, or exist in what I like to call "an alternate universe" (a whole different post, for sure).


Do not engage the stupid, it just encourages them.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

I Can't Believe It's May Already

You know how some say that when you have nothing to talk about you end up talking about the weather? It's not that I have nothing to say, but what I want to say has a lot to do with the weather.

I could technically buy and plant annuals tomorrow. I usually wait for the first few days of May, and they are indeed upon us. Plus, the earlier you get the flowers in, the prettier they are early in the season.

The problem is it doesn't FEEL like I should be planting flowers yet. There've been so many cool days, that I am not feeling that sustained feeling of Spring. Though the allergy sufferers in my house are certainly feeling the sustained feelings of spring! Normally at this time of year I'm itching to get the flowers in, and feeling like my house is waiting for that spruce up. Not so this time. We had a couple of very unseasonably hot days, but otherwise it just hasn't felt like spring. I didn't look up any statistics, so I don't know if this Spring is really cooler than years passed, but it feels that way to me. And I'm a bit bummed about it.

Stupid Global Warming!

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?






Pilgrims!!!