The Wall Street Journal reported today that the U.S. has placed a bounty on Hafiz Saeed, a Pakistani terrorist. The government offered as much as $10 million for information leading to the arrest and conviction of Saeed for his involvement in terrorist attacks.
Reaction to news of the bounty was varied:
• Pakistan did nothing, but prepared a statement for use in the event that Saeed is ultimately captured, saying that they were deeply offended by something or the other.
• Roger Goodell, the commissioner of the National Football League, suspended President Obama indefinitely for offering a bounty.
• Sean Payton and Mickey Loomis of the New Orleans Saints denied the existence of the bounty.
• Bobby McRay hit Saeed on his ankle, while one of his colleagues hit Saeed in the shoulder area. Amazingly, a U.S. official, standing within a few feet of the assault, had no reaction whatsoever.
• Former Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress immediately dispatched 12 men to capture Saeed.
• Saeed himself, perhaps unnerved by news of the bounty, sprinted to his right, to avoid his many pursuers. Then, just when it seemed like he would be able to run to safety, he inexplicably sent a message back toward the direction from which he came. Predictably, the message was intercepted.
Blogger’s Note: We assume that for most of our readers, nearly all of the points above are complete gibberish. We apologize for using the blog as a forum for inside jokes, and look forward to a return to our regular programming in the near term.
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