It's Freezing!!

We came back from Miami, and unfortunately did not bring any warmth with us. Quite the opposite.

So for all of us in the throes of a really really really cold winter snap, here are some shots to warm you up:

Out of The Mouthes of Babes

1)When we left our house, bright and early last Thursday morning to go to the airport to head to Miami, we got a few blocks away when I remembered something I had left at home. We were really close, and it was worth turning around to go get it. So we turned into a small side street, and then, to turn around, we pulled into the parking lot of the building that houses the municipal salt trucks.

Little -Miss-Eat-Everything looked up and said " This is not Florida!!!"


2) After a few days in gorgeous Miami Beach, my six year old had a question:

"So does everyone here go to camp?"
I said: "No, they go to school."
She looked incredulous and told me "But it's the summer!!!!"

Two Things I Learned in Miami

After ten years, my in-laws have finally prevailed, and I find myself in Miami Beach with some of my kids. The older two still have school, until after their annual production, at which point they'll come down here on their own to visit their grandparents.

I took the kids to the beach on Friday morning. The only time these kids have ever really been to the ocean is when we go to the Brooklyn Aquarium, and stop on the boardwalk for a few minutes to see the water. Oh, and when we went to ocean City,NJ we ate lunch on a pier, but that's about as close as they've gotten. So that was really cool. My nine year old informed me, that as much as she enjoys our yearly summer trips to the local lake, an ocean is really so much better. Now, I know, but that's not one of the two things I've learned here.

First, if a person is feeding seagulls on the beach, even 300 feet away from you, you better bend down really low, because those birds, not called the "pigeons of the sea" for nothing, will come from all over, flying low and fast. Think of a kiddush in which they finally bring out the chulent, and you are in the path of twenty young males. It's scary, they don't stop, and if you don't get out of the way, you may end up with a face full of feathers (I'm back to the birds).

Second, I'm sure most of you have heard of the Greek myth involving the King Sisyphus, and his punishment for offending Zeus. He spends eternity rolling a boulder up a hill, only to watch it fall back to the bottom, and start over. The term Sisyphean task has come to mean an endless and unavailing task.

Well, after watching my six years old attempt something for about five minutes, but what seemed like an eternity, I think the Greek gods got it wrong. They should have punished Sisyphus by putting him on a sandy beach, given him flip flops or crocs, and told him to clean the sand off his feet and get them back in the footwear, while keeping both feet and footwear sand- free.

Needles to say this is impossible, but she is one determined young lady.

So here's to warm weather, and stuff you can learn on the beach.

"I'm Not Here To Talk About the Past...Well, Okay, Maybe a Little Bit."

Yesterday, former Oakland Athletics and St. Louis Cardinals slugger Mark McGwire, who is 8th on Major League Baseball's all-time home run list with 583, admitted that he used performance-enhancing drugs (PEDs), including steroids and human growth hormone (HGH), throughout the 1990s.

In an unrelated, but equally shocking revelation, Fat Albert revealed that he often over-ate during the 1970s.

Both the Federal Reserve and the SEC responded to McGwire's announcement by saying, "We never saw it coming."

McGwire's announcement has received way too much attention, and not only in the sports media. Last night, while driving home from work, I turned to the local all-news radio station, in order to catch a traffic update. The national news which followed immediately at the top of the hour led off with the McGwire story.

What's next? Will Congress put the health care debate on the back-burner for a few weeks, so that it can delve more deeply into the question of who, exactly, used steroids 10-20 years ago?

Actually, come to think of it, that might be a good idea.

The real impact of McGwire's "revelation" is that we'll be stuck talking about steroids again for a while. Eventually, the discussions will cease, only to begin anew when yet another cheating ballplayer is exposed.

While McGwire's steroid use obviously took place a while ago, it would be naïve to think that newer, more effective substances aren't still being used in baseball clubhouses today.

In fact, a confidential source tells me that the league is currently investigating whether or not several members of the 2009 New York Mets were using performance-suppressing drugs (PSDs) throughout the season.

(Sorry. I couldn't help myself).

You KNEW This Post Was Coming....

So Mayor Nanny is at it again. After making laws against trans fat in restaurant foods, and requiring nutritional information at certain restaurants (which it turns out is often wrong)., Mayor Mike wants not only restaurants, but the national food industry to cut salt by 25%. Of course he can't regulate everybody (yet, remember he's good at subverting democracy), and for now the program is only voluntary. C'mon New York, let's live healthy lives!!! I guess if food gets bland enough people will turn to other means to fulfill their cravings, and the city will be ready with handy guides on how to safely get high.

The trans fat program was originally voluntary, but no one complied so they made it a law. There's no question that processed food is very high in sodium, and cheap prepared food is also higher in salt. But, salt enhances flavor and prolongs shelf life of food. If I'm going out to eat, and the place ain't Burger King, the food best taste the best that it can. If you're spending a certain amount on a meal in a restaurant, there's a good chance it's not a weekly occurrence. Oh, wait. Unless you're a BILLIONAIRE!

So here's what I think. For all I know they do this already, but since Mike wants everyone to be healthy, it's time to spend the money in the classroom instead of forcing adults to live by "we know what's good for you rules." Teach nutrition in NY city schools, starting in Kindergarten all the way up to 12th grade. Indoctrinate New Yorkers so they know how bad their Big Macs are, and are aware of how to make healthier choices. Maybe even ease off on taxes and parking tickets for lower economic brackets so that the poor have more money to buy fresh food, which they can then prepare properly themselves.

Leave the rest of us alone to waddle in our high blood pressure and clogged arteries.

Spare the Rod...

I recently read a news story about a controversial study, which indicated that young children who are spanked by their parents were likely to grow up to be happier and more succesful than those who have never been hit.

Not surprisingly, the study has attracted criticism from groups who are attempting to "protect" children from any form of physical rebuke.

As for me, the results of this study were not surprising. In fact, I was aware of the spanking-happiness-success connection decades ago. This would explain why on numerous occasions throughout my childhood, I practically begged my parents to provide me with the tools I needed to lead a happier, more succesful life. Of course, they complied with these requests, with both hands.

As a side point, I'd like to add the following to the ever-expanding opus I like to refer to as "MBB's Guide to Living on This Planet."

By the time you are 11 years old, you know every legitimate one-syllable word out there in your native tongue. Sure, you're going to hear a three syllable word or two that's new to you, but the one-syllable stuff is done. Therefore, if a kid comes up to you in the schoolyard one day and tells you about some short, one-syllable words you've never heard before, they're probably not the kinds of words you want to drop into a conversation with your parents.

Of course, the topic of spanking children is a serious one, and I've always been skeptical of "studies," whatever their conclusions.

To me, my favorite part of the article I read about the spanking study was this priceless sentence:

"Research into the effects of spanking was previously hampered by the inability to find enough children who had never been spanked..."

Ah, the good old days.

Speaking for my generation, we certainly deserved it.

After the Great Recession, A Tepid Recovery

This morning, the Labor Department released its employment figures for the month of December. These figures are typically released at 8:30 AM EST on the first Friday of the month.

The results indicated that the economy shed another 85,000 jobs in December. While that's not nearly as negative a number as were those we saw last year at this time, it still represented a negative surprise to those economists who felt that the economy is turning the corner, and that job growth is just over the horizon.

The reality is that although the economy as a whole appeared to expand in the fourth quarter of 2009, the job picture did not really improve. The unemployment rate remains at 10%, and the "under-employment rate," representing those who do not have jobs, those who have ceased looking for work, or people who are forced to work part-time because they can't find full-time work is at 17.3%, an extremely troubling figure.

Increasingly, the idea of a "jobless recovery," whereby the economy begins to grow, but jobs are not created, is becoming less of a theoretical concept, and more of a reality. The simple fact is that companies are extremely reluctant to add jobs right now. Even where companies find themselves in need of additional personnel, they are increasingly trying to get by with temporary workers, as evidenced by the solid increase in temp hires since last July. This could be viewed as a positive indicator, as it demonstrates that companies need to add workers, and they first hire workers on a temporary basis, before adding permanent positions. On the other hand, maybe this is the start of a new trend, whereby companies will do everything they can to avoid adding full-time workers, even over the longer term.

The ramifications of a jobless recovery are pretty clear. A jobless recovery is a weak and unsustainable one. Our economy cannot get back on solid footing unless many more people get back to work. No jobs, no real recovery. It's as simple as that.

From a public policy perspective, it's time for our legislators to understand what is happening here, and what is at stake. Job creation needs to be the top priority. Instead, we're about to pass health care legislation which will make it more expensive to hire workers, particularly for small compainies, who will be increasingly relied upon to spur job creation. Just wait until environmental legislation comes down the pike, be it "cap-and-trade," or some other creative mechanism designed to increase corporate taxes. If job creation is truly the top priority, you don't pass legislation that hurts corporate profitability and makes it more expensive to hire workers. Any first -grader can figure that out.

Unfortunately, the liberals who are currently running this country (boy, those are painful words to write, but true) are determined to force their agenda down our throats.This will hamper our recovery, a fact which will hopefully become clear enough by the time November 2010 rolls around that the American people will vote for change.

In the meantime, I'm not too optimistic about the economic outlook.

The Idiot's Guide to Life

The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene created a pamphlet in 2007, that for some reason is only creating a firestorm now. That it's creating a firestorm is not odd. That it took two years to come up, well I guess that's just the pace of city politics.

The pamphlet is called "Take Charge, Take Care: 10 Tips for Safer Use," and is meant to help heroin users use more safely. So aside from tips about getting help and never shooting up alone (lest an addict die if he were to overdose solo, because his other addict friends who are shooting up with him would be sure to put their needles down to come to his aid and call 9-1-1), there are tips on jumping up and down to warm your body so that the veins are easier to find, and a reminder to use all clean materials (listed) and how to properly cook your heroin.

The loudest critic is a drug prosecutor, but oddly, The Esteemed, Democracy Circumventing, Nanny Mayor Of New York City is not bothered by this.

"the health department does have an interest in -- if you're going to do certain things -- to get you to do it as healthily as you possibly can."

Well now. I'd like to see Mayor Mike's reaction to some of his favorite topics. I think his health department should put out a pamphlet on the healthiest way to eat cheeseburgers and doughnuts, and how best to smoke.

Peter Vallone, Jr., who seems to say the right things at the right times, suggests the board of health put out a pamphlet for safely playing in traffic. Not a bad idea, but let's take it one step further.

Some sample guides:

"Be Aware, Have No Fear: A Guide To Safe Armed Robbery."
1)Do surveillance to ensure that the proprietor does not have a weapon
2)Be sure there are no off-duty cops in the store at the time of the robbery
3)Check for cameras

"Take the Bag, Watch the Hag: A Guide to Safely Mugging Women on the Street."
1)Attack only frail old ladies
2)knock her down, so that she cannot chase you or spray you with anything

"Take The Wheel, Drive with Zeal: a Guide to Safe Drag Racing"
1)Be sure your engine can handle the speeds
2)Be sure there are no pedestrians or other motorists on the street

"At a Light, Don't be a Blight; A Guide to Safe Squeegeing"
1)Do not approach the car until it has come to a full stop
2)Know your partner, so that he does not steal from you
3)Wear gloves in the winter to avoid frostbite

New York City: The Capital of the World

Priorities

I know my post the other day about Charity Begins at Home did not go over well. Last night I went to a dinner for an organization with very few administrative costs (read:salaries),whose sole purpose is to help people in dire financial need with food, housing costs, heat, electricity and job placement. They don't care the color of your yarmulke or where you send your kids to school, they just want to help you.

In these bad economic times (a phrase almost as tired as "at the end of the day,"), they are of course hurting. Need is up (I believe they said close to 15%), and donations are down about 20%.

I think it is incumbent upon all of us, if we are cutting are giving, not to do it as an across the board percentage cut, because some organizations just cannot afford you to cut them. Maybe some should be cut 10% and others 20%, but I'm sure everyone can think of one or two that they can think of, that they should not cut at all, not even one penny.

And I repeat again, the need to first allocate to the institutions in your own neighborhoods.

Sticker Shock

This morning, I engaged in the most frustrating, annoying, and downright unpleasant element of motor vehicle ownership.

I replaced the registration sticker in my vehicle's windshield.

To be exact, it was FBB's vehicle. Then again, both of our vehicles, our house, all of our primary possessions, and even IcebergCarwash are registered in FBB's name. This has been done in the unlikely event that our government and I do not agree on the exact definition and practical application of the phrase "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." My shoes (all of them), on the other hand, belong to me, and only to me. They are to be shined and otherwise cared for only by me, or by a specifically designated, (unlicensed and undocumented) professional.

Of course, before any of you Government folks get too nervous, the above paragraph was written in jest. You can go snoop around for "anti-American activities and/or sentiments" on other web sites. Well, except for the part about my shoes. I'm really serious about that part.

As far as the registration sticker removal and installation process is concerned, placing the new sticker on the car's windshield is not a big deal, although the next time I put one of things on in a perfectly straight manner, it'll be the first time. The torturous part of the process, of course, is removing the old sticker, which is stuck to the windshield with the most effective adhesive on earth. I used hot water, soapy water, some sticker removal stuff I found at the back of a drawer, and it still took forever to remove that pesky thing. Finally, my task was completed, but rather than feeling a sense of accomplishment, I feel completely drained, physically and emotionally.

While I was doing all of this, I couldn't help but thinking, "There has got to be a better way." I know that some states require the placement of the registration sticker on the license plate, not the windshield, and you simply stick the new sticker on top of the old one. That's not good enough for New York, though. No, my acquaintances, we're so much better and more sophisticated here in the Empire State. We need to put our registration stickers on our windshields, using space age adhesives.

I can't imagine that I'm the only one who feels frustrated by this process. In fact, I think that I could probably build a decent political career in this state, if my platform consisted of only one plank: the abolishment of the windshield-based registration stickers. Or, the development of a sticker which would adhere properly to the windshield, but would also be very easy to remove, when needed. (I'm trying to court the high-tech, research & development types as well).

Anyone with me on this one, or am I overreacting to something which only needs to get done once every two years?