Off the Wall in L.A.

Ah, technology.

I'm composing this post on my Blackberry, while riding in the back of a cab in Los Angeles. We're on the Santa Monica Freeway, if you must know.

The weather, as they would say in Brooklyn, is byooteeful.

However, despite the climate, there is a real sense of foreboding in the city. Tomorrow, Los Angeles will have the "privilege" of hosting the memorial service for Michael Jackson. The event will be held downtown, at the Staples Center, an arena best known as the home of the Los Angeles Lakers. The problem is that while the arena can accomodate about 20,000 fans, some ONE MILLION people are expected to show up. Doing some simple math, it seems that only 2% of the anticipated visitors have tickets, while the remainder will be told to "Beat It."

While we're at it, here's another equation for you:

Large, potentially unruly crowd + L.A.P.D. = A whole lotta beatdowns.

Earlier today, I caught a few seconds of Larry King's show, during which he asked his guests whether or not they felt that the Jackson memorial service could turn into a "major calamity."

I'm well aware of the fact that Larry King is senile. However, his question triggered one of my "Inalienable Laws for Living and Thriving on This Planet."

"When a man who has been married 7 times refers to something as a potential 'calamity,' it's time to run for cover."

(That's one of the great things about IcebergCarwash. You swing by on your way to some other site, and by the time you leave, you feel as though you've had a private audience with Confucious).

From my perspective, I feel like I'm trapped in one of those cheesy disaster movies, where the storm-of-the-millenium is bearing down on the town, and everyone just hopes they can get out in time. Everything is nice and calm now, but in 12 hours or so, things will be totally wacky. My flight back to New York is scheduled to leave at 7:30 tomorrow morning, which means that I should be out of the Pacific time zone before this ridiculous event is scheduled to begin. It will be good to leave the craziness behind.