Today, I read a story about someone who had perpetrated an $11 million Ponzi Scheme, and I was positively indignant. All I could think of was, "How could you people actually bother me to read about someone who only made away with $11 million? What a loser!"
You see, we're all jaded now. Any scam that involves less than a nine-figure dollar amount is not even worth our time. Ponzi Scheme? A Ponzi Rounding Error is more like it.
However, once you look past the puny dollar amount, the story was actually quite interesting. Here's an account, from Fox News:
David Hernandez, who ran Chicago Sports Webio with Mike North, disappeared Monday and was reported missing about 7 p.m. by his wife when he didn't come home, said Downers Grove Police Sgt. David Bormann.
Hernandez, 48, called his wife that afternoon and made comments "referencing his well being," Bormann told MyFOXChicago.com.
"It was enough to cause alarm with his wife," the sergeant said.
The 48-year-old money manager already is being investigated by federal regulators for running an alleged Ponzi operation in which he is accused of raking in more than $11 million from investors in 12 states, according to an SEC lawsuit.
Hernandez is a convicted felon who filed for bankruptcy three times, according to police.
Hernandez is described as 5 feet, 10 inches tall and weighing 205 pounds. He was last seen wearing a burgundy shirt with khaki pants.
Allow me to make a few points here, my acquaintances:
(1) His wife reported him missing at 7PM because he wasn't home yet? Is it possible that he was simply stuck in traffic on the way home?
(2) His wife was alarmed because he made comments "referencing his well being." That seems flimsy to me. I could imagine how this would play out if this story happened with FBB and me:
MBB: Hi. About my well-being...
FBB: Yeah?
MBB: Let's just say I'm not too optimistic about the future...of my well-being
FBB: Okay, so what else is new?
MBB: I can envision not being so...well.
FBB: How much caffeine have you had today?
MBB: I'll get to the point. I'm strongly considering killing myself...which would render my well-being completely moot.
FBB: Remind me. Where do you keep the statements for our investment accounts?
In any event, I can assure you that FBB wouldn't call the cops by 7PM. She's not that pathetic. I hope she'd wait at least until it got dark outside, for goodness sake.
(3) He was last seen wearing a burgundy shirt with khaki pants. No issue there. Sounds like a reasonably comfortable fugitive outfit.
(4) Hernandez is described as 5 feet, 10 inches tall and weighing 205 pounds.
I don't know this guy. Perhaps he's very muscular. On the surface, though, if he's 5' 10" and weighs 205, it seems as though he's on the overweight side. The problem is that these types of descriptions rarely mention other, important factors, like body fat percentage or body mass index (BMI). Sure, every so often, the description will mention that the person in question has a "muscular" or "stocky" build, but otherwise, it's up to the reader's imagination.
As for me, while I can honestly say that I have absolutely no intention of becoming a fugitive in the near future, nor of committing any felony of any sort, this story scares me. A story such as this one explains why I'm currently attempting to lose some weight.
Certainly, there are other reasons for my current diet phase. For one thing, I'd like to get into shape before my 40th birthday in about 4-1/2 months, but more than anything, I'm worried that if something came up which caused me to be a fugitive, someone would read a description of me in the paper, and the first thing he/she would say would be "That dude could really stand to lose a few pounds." That would be terrible. (Although I weighed significantly less than Mr. Hernandez when I started my diet, just for the record).
In the unfortunate event that I did need to go on the lam, here's how I'd like the description to read.
MBB is described as 5 feet, 9-3/4 inches tall, and carries his weight reasonably well. He was last seen wearing a well-tailored navy blue (or charcoal grey) suit with a well-starched and virtually wrinkle-free light blue shirt made of a long-staple cotton yarn that is ultra-fine, yet resilient and durable. He was wearing a nice red (or burgundy...crimson if I was in a rush) tie with a geometric pattern, which featured a perfect knot. His shoes, quite obviously made of fine materials by talented craftsmen, were polished to a high gloss. The suspect is believed to be neither armed nor dangerous, but is to be considered very stylish. His family is offering a small reward for his safe return, and a larger reward if you just keep him.
No comments:
Post a Comment