I go to a class on Sunday mornings. The main topic is faith, but at times based on questions, or what is being explained or expounded upon, or asked about, other topics come up. Yesterday, someone asked a question that touched on Tziniyus, and the response was literally one I have never heard before.
What amazes me, is that having gone through the Bais Yaakov system, and speeches post seminary and high school, which of course being that they were geared to women have to bring up tziniyus, I have never before heard anyone say what she said. The part that pleased me more than any other was that she is my girls' high school principal, and I'm jealous of the high school experience they are having, compared with the one I had. Maybe that's a function of being older and more willing to learn or grow, but it's probably a function of the boot camp miserable high school I went to.
Anyway, someone asked a question about a broad tzinyus issue (being influence by friends more than by the home)and she said the irony of Tzinyus today is that tzinyus is all about the pnimius(the inside) and yet ALL the focus today is on the chitzoniyus (outside). If people understood that tzniyus is about perfecting your inside; how to talk and act- the dressing would just become a natural by product of that. So we spend so much time talking about "inches, inches" that we lose the whole point of focusing on what should be going on inside. The whole thing is upside down or rather inside out.
So what did I get from this? I understand that different things are different challenges for different people. We all have that little voice in our head that tells us we really look better with a shorter skirt, or one more button open, but I think she's right. If it's really all about who you are, and who you are inside, and how you comport yourself in the world, then the challenge really isn't a challenge at all. She didn't say this, but I will extrapolate that if one is comfortable with oneself inside she need not push the envelope to prove herself better or different or even prove her identity at all based on her clothing. The rules wold be easy to follow, because they would be so simple and clear. WE are trying with all the speeches and whatnot to make our insides match our outsides. The outside has to match the inside.
Do all her students internalize this message? Not yet, but I think they'll get there, because it just makes sense in a non-inches kind of way.
2 comments:
not only is this something that is not stressed when talking about tzniyus... i think that there are many who don't actually believe it. meaning they do feel that only the outer appearance is what counts and very little is given to actualy inner growth at all. i think this is a problem endemic to the yeshivish world in general. How many vegetables you wont eat is more important than how many guests you invite to serve those vegetables to. We have really lost sight of inner strength and qualities while giving all importance to what are truly only outer trappings!
I was talking to someone recently and mentioned something along those lines. I told them that it isn't Tznius to crowd around a accident scene, to see what is going on. They looked at me as if I was nuts. Last time I checked, the posuk was " Im Tzeneah Leches" go with Tznius, in everything you do.
So maybe that isn't an exact reason not to stand around where you dont belong, but it works for me.
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